Random Picture Monday (10-31-11)

Sweet display on Drey St.

(Terrible picture of it.)


Happy Halloween, Newkers!

Be On The Lookout

Here are some traits that zombies have.

This list may just save your life this weekend.

- Zombies crave human flesh.
- When the body dies, it only takes a couple hours to become
a zombie.
- A zombie has no instinct for self survival.
- Zombies have no association with other zombies, yet seem to
be found in groups and packs.
- Zombies generally aren't abnormally strong, but they've been
known to rip a human apart.
- Zombies have no memories of their former self.
- Zombies eat humans, but don't appear to need food to survive.
- Zombies can tell the difference between live and dead flesh.
(It is unknown whether it is the sight, or smell of it.)
- Zombies will not attack each other, even over food.
- Zombies move slow, but never get tired. Which is why they
catch people, cause they never, ever, quit.
- When zombies aren't eating, they wander in search of flesh.


Just some helpful tips from your friends at theNewk!

Be safe.

Officially Halloween Season

This is our six hundred and sixty sixth post.

But this post is not owned by the debil.


It's owned by us.

And we are getting our costumes ready for a rockin party
this weekend.

We won't tell you what we're gonna be, but, we can give you one or
two ideas...

Victor E. Viking
A Stadium Bar Patron
Edgidio
A Blind Pig
Buffalo Bill
A Giant Eagle

and last but not least...

Rappin' Rob.



What are you gonna be?

Please, Be Careful Out There

No, we aren't just telling you not to drink and drive,
or to look both ways before crossing the street in
your J-Dub costume.

We are talking about zombies.


And not just the Newk zombies you may see at
the Sheetz in the middle of the night.

But real, actual zombies.

Our friend "waynet" wrote a great piece on the proper
methods to rid yourself of a zombie attack.

We suggest you take notes.

Zombie Survival: How To Kill A Zombie

Zombies are them troublesome dead walkers that just get in the way of a good night out, they either want to eat your brains or have a quick nibble on your nuts, they are usually slow creatures that are easy to outrun, but in high numbers and in confined spaces they can be fatal, this is a guide of sorts on how to kill a zombie, it is common sense people so in the event of a zombie holocaust it is advisable that you take the necessary precautions against these undead deadites.

First and foremost, when you shoot a gun try and aim for the head shot, because in too many films have I seen some rather dumb people just waste valuable ammo shooting the zombies shoulders and chest, one head shot seems to do it and if you can't shoot straight, it's best to go to a shooting range to practice your gun skills, because if you don't you will probably be that bad at shooting a gun, you will pop a cap in some poor bastards arse who may not be a zombie and that would be bad.

Sharpen them machetes up, so that when the time comes you can have yourselves a zombie decapitation spree in the local shopping mall whilst doing the shopping, could be a bit of entertainment, as severing the head from the body is also a way to go for killing a zombie, the brain seems to be the main force driving these deadly rotting creatures.

Other ways you may not have thought of:

Liquid nitrogen
Could be a good alternative when thrown on the head, be careful not to get any of it on your hands and genitals as they will be as cold as a snowmans balls, liquid nitrogen may not be a common substance so a bit of carefully controlled fire in a confined room could do the trick, as always though aim for the head, try and destroy that brain as they are really quite thick anyway - don't let Bub fool you by flicking through a book and loading a gun like in the original Day Of The Dead.

Knives and other stabbing weapons
Aim for the brain, you could get to it through the eyes, the nose or the mouth or even the ears.

Warning
If the zombies are the fast running kind that is actually quite disrepectful to classic zombies, then you may get eaten, so stock up on guns to take them all down with a head shot, you may want to do this sniper style from the roof of a building, particularly if you want to gain access to a casino or cinema for a little entertainment and popcorn.

Household Furniture and other stuff
Around the house there may be just the thing for killing a zombie right under your nose, so prepare in advance, a chair for instance can be broken and made into a weapon to fend of those dirty zombie ho's, or a glass vase smashed over the head may just dig in the zombies brain and make them die....yeahhh kill the zombies!!

There may be other inventive ways to kill zombies with grenades or by lighting your own farts on them, but whatever you choose, make it count, before they over run the world and form political parties of their own and run for president and prime minister of all countries and they make us pay taxes and make us watch reality TV....oh no I've just realized it's worse than I thought, they are already here....reality TV is at an all time high...we will become zombies soon....noooooooooooooooo!

You are all properly prepared for a fun filled weekend of
costumed debauchery.

Don't forget to take pictures of hot chicks in skimpy
outfits, and email them to thenewkblog@gmail.com.

And if there are any of you still on the fence about being J-Dub
for Halloween this year, just do it.

He may not be "pop culture" yet, but he soon will be.

As we plan on taking over the world, blog by blog.

Newker Halloween Ideas #3

We gave you a few ideas for sweet Halloween costumes
just last week.

Here:
#1

and Here:
#2


Now, this costume has a deep meaning to us.

It's a costume, that if we saw someone actually wearing,
we would straight flip our wigs.

Seriously, if one of you decide to rock this outfit to whichever
Halloween party you go to, please send us pictures.

We will post em everyday for a month.

We included 2 photos for your design plans.


Ready?

.

.

.




It's J-Dub, Sucka!

Booyah!

OMG, please be him this year.

It won't be as funny if one of us do it.

So you totally should.

Newker Halloween Ideas #2

Yesterday we started a series of posts about some
ideas we had for Halloween costumes.

You can take what you want from these suggestions.

Not that we think our ideas are amazing, but they are.

This next pick, is one of the greatest characters
in American cinema.

And you thought we weren't cultured.

Shame on you.

Back to the costume.

This outfit wouldn't really take much to put together.

An orange tank-top, some matching orange shorts, and
maybe a white robe.

Wanna take a guess who we're talking about?

We hope you guess fast, cause we're gonna tell you
in the next sentence.

It's... Thornton Mellon!


That's right, we are taking you Back To School.

The Triple Lindy is no joke.



This next commercial reminds us of the Ben's High and Wide,
back in the day on Fifth.



Seriously, if any of you dress as Thornton, and you don't
send us a picture, we will hunt you down and channel
the spirit of Sam Kinison as the professor, and rip
you a new one.

Now go practice your armpit farts.

Newker Halloween Ideas #1

Picking out a great Halloween costume is always a
difficult task.

So we plan on helping you out a little bit.

In a short series of posts, we will provide some of this
years top choices.

Who is first?

You guessed it (or you didn't)...

Antoine Dodson

You may be asking yourself,
"Who the hell is Antoine Dodson?"

If so, just check out these videos.
(You really should watch them. It will make your day.)



Some genius then made this song.
(Must Watch)




Stay tuned for more great Halloween ideas from your
friends here at theNewk.com.