Friday, February 26, 2010

We're In The Loop

(Get it? Laser Loop: In The Loop.)

We love hearing about all the scoops and goings-ons
in the area.

We get a lot of our info from you the reader, via email.

We also get info from the local paper.

Even this here internet can provide information.
(We thought it was only good for porn and facebooking.)

But now, we are getting all the dirt straight from
the horse's mouth.

That's right, we signed up for the alerts
about New Kensington.

We've been hearing about it for the last week or so, and
just had to see for ourselves what all the fuss is about.

And it turns out, this setup is pretty cool.

When the city feels there is something worth sharing
with the community, they post about it, and this website
sends it right to you...for free.

We opted for the text message alerts, as we have
unlimited texting on our crackberry.

You can also choose email, or straight on the web viewing.

It was quick and easy to sign up.
(Which is good for us, as we are a bit lacking in the
smarts department.)

So far, New Ken has talked about delayed garbage
removal, and even a rash of snow blower thefts.

All of this information at our fingertips, begs for us to
as the question:

Before the did people get their information?

Did they actually talk to each other?
What a horrifying thought.

So if you wanna be as cool as us, sign up at

Or just read our site, as we're sure to tell you all the juicy
gossip we get.

Here is your Newk Weekend Weather Report:

"This is getting ridiculous."

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Upper Burrell Is Da Bomb

This is really some crazy stuff we are about to
tell you about.

(Is it weird that we used the word 'about' twice in
one sentence?)

There are reports coming out of Upper Burrell, that
someone has placed some sort of bombing device into
two different mailboxes in the UB.

Those mailboxes were then blown to pieces.

Luckily, nobody has been injured.

One of the mailboxes was made of brickwork, and the
owners found chunks of the brick as far as
70 feet away from the blast location.

(We can't help but want to make a fart joke, when we
type the word 'blast' in a sentence.)

So they figure they're not just dealing with M-80's.

This really is some serious stuff.

Hitting a mailbox with a baseball bat is one thing.

Placing a homemade pipe bomb in one is crazy.

If any of you hooligans reading this is the culprit...
Please stop.

There really has to be a better hobby for you.

If someone out there knows anything about this, please
call the Upper Burrell PD:

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Coming Soon

Maybe our internet was broken.
Maybe there was nothing to talk about.
Maybe we had too many Tuesday night specials.
Maybe we are just lazy.

Any and all of those statements may be true.

Whatever the case may be, give us a few and we'll be back as strong
and influential as ever.

Sent from my mobile device

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Like A Troubled Bridge Over Water

Maybe spring isn't that far off after all.

Because we just found out about some construction
type things happening on the Tarentum Bridge.

It seems like they need to clean out some gutters
or something.

(If they are anything like the gutters on our house, they
are filled with enough ice to sink the Titanic.) there any woman hotter than Kate Winslet?

Okay, enough of getting sidetracked by hotness.

So yeah, weekdays from now through March, will be
filled with single lane closures on the TB.

PennDOT said:
"The goal is to prolong the life of the bridge."
And when they said that, here's what we heard:
"The goal is to annoy the snot of out you."
They also talked about why gutters/troughs are needed
on a bridge.

And how they route water to where you want them.

They also told us that mouths are for eating food, and
hands are for holding things.

It seems PennDOT thinks of us as the third guy on the
evolution of man chart.

Instead of talking down to us, go ahead and show us
how to fill in a pothole.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Random Picture Monday (02-22-10)

You know it's tax season.

Also, congrats to us for hitting 1,000 fans on our
facebook page.

(Although someone might have deleted us by the
time this post goes live. Either way...we got there!)

Thanks everyone!

Keep spreading the word.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Something Smells Fishy

It's fish season.

AKA: Lent

The other day, we asked our facebook fans...

"We need a fish sandwich. Who has the best one around
here, in your opinion?"
Here are some of the answers we got.

Frosted Mug
Creative Catering
Around Back
The Anchor Inn
Miller's Hoagies
New Ken Firehall #4
Mt. St. Peter's in New Ken
Export Moose
Logan's Ferry Fire Hall

And a few people expressed their sadness over
Happer's being gone.
(We personally aren't old enough to have such fond
memories of Happer's, but we surely remember their
sign claiming fish sandwich supremacy.)

As you can clearly see, there are many fish
sandwiches around here worthy of a bite.

Our new mission may be clear.

We just might have to eat as many of these
things as we can.

It doesn't sound healthy at all.

But neither did Wingapalooza, and that didn't
stop us.

If you know of any other "must stops," please
leave a comment with your suggestion.

And now your Newk Weekend Weather Report:

"Stuff will melt, stuff will freeze."

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Our Promise For The Day (02-18-10)

Here is our promise for the day:

We promise to figure out something else to talk
about, other than the weather.

It will be a difficult task.

It may be one of the hardest things we'll ever do.

But we are determined, and we've made a promise.

And when we make a promise, we aim to keep
that promise.

If you are one of the lucky few that know us in the
real world, you would feel good about our promise.

See, the people that know us, know we don't like
"blowing smoke" up anyone's anything.

So take stock in them.

Because we said so.


Maybe we'll talk about fish sandwiches.

As we asked our facebook fans where they like to
get them, and we had a great response.

Hell, maybe we can talk David Cooper into grabbing
some deep-fried fishy goodness, and report back
to you with our findings.


And for those of you wondering what the deal is with
the picture at the start of this post...

We did a yahoo image search of the word "promise,"
and that was on page 2.

How awesomely unreal is that?

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Snow Rest For The Wicked

We are starting to get a little P-O'd.


What's the deal with this weather?

It's causing automobile accidents.
It's making roofs collapse.
It's freezing in our gutters, and creating icicles the
size of an elephant's wang.
It's making our back sore just thinking about it.

We are at the end of our rope.

Does anyone wanna tell us how many days of school
have been canceled so far?

Speaking of the word "canceled," why is it that you can
also spell it with 2 L's?

We do our share of fact checking around here, and we
were unable to find a difference between the two.

We are still up in the air as to which spelling we will
use from here on out at theNewk.

Once we figure it out, we'll do a press conference or
something snazzy like that.

In the mean time, leave a comment with your preferred
spelling, and a short reason why you like it.

Go ahead...sell us on a spelling.

We dare you.

Back to the snow.

We can't even imagine what it will look like around here
once all this crap melts.

Are we talking about a massive flood when it happens?

We'll tell you this much...

Our pooper-scooper will be working overtime, as each new
pile our pup provides us, keeps getting snowed over and
magically disappears.

One day (hopefully soon) our yard will go from
white to brown.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Woodmont Avenue Book Available Now

We got an interesting email the other day, from a
former New Ken/Arnold resident.

It seems she is an author, and she wrote a book
about Woodmont Ave., where she grew up.

We love this type of stuff.

So we are telling you about it.

Makes sense, right?

Here are some of the particulars...

You can read about the author, and the book

You can purchase the book
(There is a 16 page preview of the book there. So check it out.)

It's available in both paperback, and eBook versions.

We do not have a copy, so it's hard for us to tell you
much more about it.

But its local, and we dig it.

Speaking of Woodmont Ave.

Do you think there's any snow on it?

Good grief, will it ever end?

Monday, February 15, 2010

Random Picture Monday (02-15-10)

Memorial Park Airport is closed.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Last Of The Snohicans

Today we finish up with our reader submitted photos.

These beauties came to us via David Cooper.

David is a huge supporter and contributor here
at theNewk.

Check out more of his stuff here.

He is ready and willing to service all of your
photography needs.

Thanks again to all of you that sent us pictures.

The response was overwhelming, and we appreciate
every snapshot we received.

Here's your Newk Weekend Weather Report:

"I know, last week I said we'd only get a max of 8 inches.
We all make mistakes...have you ever seen Snake Eyes?"

Thursday, February 11, 2010

More Pictures And Some Other Garbage


There will be NO GARBAGE pick up in the City of New Kensington
on Friday, February 12, 2010 due to the recent snow storms.
Garbage pickup will resume in the City the following week
on Friday, February 19, 2010.

Here are more reader pictures.

What a turnout, eh?

Tomorrow, we'll wrap up the storm pictures with some
masterworks by famed photographer, David Cooper.

Stay tuned.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Don't Flake Out On Us

We are out shoveling more snow.

We don't have time to entertain you today.

So here are more pictures that you, the reader,
sent us.

Maybe if you're lucky, we'll elaborate on yesterday's
pork turnover story in tomorrow's post.
(Thanks to a few inquiring emails.)

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

We Take It Back

Okay, so this whole blizzard thing may be our fault.

We say that, because we are the type of people
that take responsibility for our actions, and our words.

What are we talking about?

On January 20th of this year, we made a post titled:

"The Snow Must Go On"
(Click to read this devil scripture.)

We thought at the time, that the snow was over for the

We made ridiculous statements, such as

"It's doubtful that we'll get much more snow this season."


"All this sun and mild warmth, just gives us the
If it were possible to go back in time, the first thing we'd
do is not eat that pork turnover in middle school, the one
that made us blow chunks on the steps.

That was a life changing event, for sure.

The second thing we'd do, is take back the entire article
we typed about the lack of snow.

Seriously, please forgive us for the incredible jinx we
have placed upon our beloved AK Valley.

We did not realize how angry Mother Nature got over
internet blog posts.

Sometimes it takes record breaking snowfalls to make
us smarter.

Sometimes it takes a pork turnover.

We plan to start thinking before we do stuff.

And hopefully we don't run into the same problem that
Curly from the Three Stooges had when he said,
"I'm trying to think but nothing happens."


Here are more great reader pictures that got emailed to us.

We'll have even more pictures for you tomorrow.

As well as more snow, from what Stephen Cropper
is telling us.

Please, find it in your heart to forgive us, for opening
our big mouths.