Debate Pregaming

Tonight is the first big showdown between President Obama and GOP nominee Mitt Romney. 

We plan on tailgating all day at our local polling stations. 

We would like you to do us one favor...

Please do not comment with your opinion. 

We are more than able to make up our mind, without knowing what you think. 

Thanks, and enjoy the show. 

Do The Right Thing

Alright. 

The Tarentum bridge has totally consumed our lives. 

Each day, as we come home from work, we try to determine the best plan for getting back into our homeland. 

And we are never correct. 

Seriously, we'd have better luck playing the Big 4.

And now that exit 14 is closed, we are seriously considering buying a pontoon boat.

And we wouldn't just get some plain Jane pontoon.

It would be all baller'd out, with emerald green astroturf, and a wicked slide off the starboard side.


Or maybe.

Just maybe...

We can all follow PennDOT's detour, and take exit 15, turn around, and exit off of 14 South.

That way, traffic won't be backed up on exit 13, all the way to the friggin' mills exit.


Or maybe we will just stay at work until 8pm?

It's not like we have a life or anything. 

Holiday Weekend

As you may have noticed, we haven't been posting much on Fridays.

So this is likely to be our last post of this week. 

Because this is a holiday weekend. 

Sure, it's not a holiday weekend that most people celebrate. 

Hell, most people don't even know about them. 

But that's why you have us. 

To fill you in on this stuff. 

So tomorrow, Friday the 17th, is Men's Grooming Day. 

We here at theNewk do our share of Man-scaping. 

But we take things to a whole other level when the 3rd Friday of August rolls around. 

And by no coincidence (in our opinion), Saturday the 18th is Birth Control Pills Day. 

Yeah, you read that right. 

The day after men take time to tighten things up in their nether regions, women celebrate the convenience of oral contraception. 

Maybe it really is just a coincidence? 

But we doubt it. 

Have a fun, and safe weekend. 

And always remember, kids... 

Birth control pills may prevent pregnancy, but condoms can save you a penicillin prescription. 

Butter On Our Poptarts

You know how we do. 

We almost always post super important local information/news around here. 

But every now and again, certain subjects trump all things Newk. 

Today we talk about a trend that is quite popular around theNewk offices as of late. 

It is the act of buttering your toasted Poptart. 

You are likely saying to yourself... 

"Wait, what?!?"

Or the other popular response... 

"There isn't enough fat in there for you already?" 

Or maybe you are thinking what the older people usually say to us... 

"That is disgusting.  Go jump of a cliff, fat-body." 

But we think you shouldn't knock it until you try it. 

And we aren't telling you to smother it with mounds of butter. 

But you should put just enough to lightly coat the entire top surface of the Poptart. 

Especially the outside edges.

We prefer the frosted-top delights, although the plain top ones seem to be more butter friendly in the seedy world of  the underground snack modification crowd.

By no means are we trying to make you believe that this is a viable option for a healthy way to start your day. 

Fact is, it's likely one of the worst suggestions (health wise) that we have ever spoken of. 

We just want to open your eyes to something you may enjoy. 

You Feel That?

Yeah, we feel it. 

It's hot. 

Like really hot. 

Not that kinda hot. 

This kinda hot... 

We can seriously feel the temperature rising. 

Days in the nineties, with crazy amount of humidity. 

We have literally spent the last 3 weeks feeling all kinds of gummy. 

And our grass! 

Don't get us started on our grass. 

Our grass reminds us of the Children of the Corn.

If it wasn't for air conditioning and cold beer, we would be a mess.

So stay cool, and keep it real. 

You know we will too. 

Commuity Days Week (Friday)

We are totally tailgating Community Days today. 

We have our... 

Camp Chairs 

Pop-up Canopy 

Cooler 

Ice 

Brew 

Mini-Grill 

Cheap hotdogs from Community Market 

Sunscreen 

and 

a Porta-John 

That's right, we rock our own whizzer. 

That's how we roll. 

We are set up for an all-day chillout. 

And even got some pre-sale tix for opening night. 

So if you are there when the gates open at 5pm, get out of our way. 

Because the first funnel cake is all ours. 

See you there. 

And spend some money. 

Especially on food. 

We sure will. 

Community Days Week (Thursday)

Tomorrow, the gates will open on the 21st New Ken Community Days. 

Everyone we talk to, has their favorite part about NKCD. 

Many folks like the music. 

Many folks like the crafts. 

Many folks like seeing old friends. 

And some folks even like the fake Gucci bags the best. 

But we here at the Newk make our yearly journey to Memorial Park for 

one reason, and one reason alone. 

Yep, you know us too well... 

Funnel Cakes and Lil' Hugs. 

We don't care how many tickets it costs. 

We are slaying a few cakes, and whatever hugs we can buy with the extras. 

Speaking of the ticket deal. 

We aren't really fans of the ticket situation. 

But we understand it. 

Things need to be kept track of. 

If we didn't have anything to complain about, we likely wouldn't have a site. 

Run For The Mills

We recently spent a few hours shopping  up at Pittsburgh Mills. 

We guess you can call it "shopping." 

It felt more like walking and and saying "what store used to be there?" 

We were really bummed out by this. 

Only 7 years ago, there was so much buzz around here regarding the Mills. 

It really is a pretty epic mall. 

Why is it that many stores have closed their gate for good? 

Sure, there are still some decent stores up there. 

Especially in the food court area. 

Where most store fronts are alive and well. 

Well, maybe not so well. 

But there are wings that are like a modern day ghost town. 

Instead of tumbleweeds, there are... 

Bowling pins from Lucky Strike Lanes 

Sheet sets from Linens N' Things 

Costume jewelery from NY&Co. 

Irish flags from the Flag World

and 

Bounced rent checks signed by Chef Steff

The consensus around here is they made it too big. 

Or maybe they should have had Best Buy, Ross and Michael's 

move into the Galleria instead of the surrounding buildings?

Oh yeah, what ever happened to the water park plans? 

Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner

As we sat around the Newk offices last night, wondering what to 

write about today, a few things came up... 

The fire at Hanes' in LBC. 

The recent rains. 

The new signs that adorn the street lights downtown. 

But as we talked about these hot topics, a familiar 

sound shot from our flatscreen's speakers... 

 "At Kellerman's we come together, visitors, staff and guests..." 

 Yeah, it was the familiar sound of Mr. Kellerman's lisp that snatched every 

last fiber of our attention.

We not only watched the sweet final dance scene, we threw the dvd in, and relived 

one of the greatest movies in which Jerry Orbach ever said... 

"I know you weren't the one that got Penny in trouble." 

It's safe to say that the rest of the night was filled with beverages, and sing-alongs. 

Oh, and quotes... tons of quotes. 

Hopefully you understand. 

Dirty Dancing has a strange power over us. 

Save The Drama...

Don't be all upset with us.

Don't be all salty.

Don't be all... whatevs.



It's Friday the 13th, and we got sh*t to do.


It's not our fault that tomorrow is the first day of trout, and tonight
is not only the opening night of the Three Stooges Movie, but the
Pens also play.


We have no time to waste!



But be ready for next week, as some awesome things will be posted.



There may even be an interview in the works...



Have a great weekend.

Go Pens.

Do it.

Infected

We are ravaged by head cold symptoms.

This blows.


Send us chicken soup.
Bring us cold meds.
Call us off school, and turn on The Price Is Right.



Bring on tomorrow.

Gone Fishin'

The weather is too nice for us to be in the office today.

So we went fishing.

Fishing is by far one of the best hangover cures known to man.



How about that...

We actually taught you something with this waste of a post.



Here's the weather...


Today: Hot
Tomorrow: Not as hot, with thunderstorms.
Sunday: Chill w/rain





Have a good weekend, folks.

Big Day Today

Not sure if you knew it or not, but today is
International Goof-Off Day.

This is our 12th favorite holiday.

Right between Cinco de Mayo, and Tax Day.

For those keeping track...

11. Tax Day
12. International Goof-Off Day
13. Cinco de Mayo


See, something about goofing-off makes us happy.

Sure, we could be using our time for much more important endeavors.

But only old people do that.

And we are in our mid-30's.

Far away from "old."

Unless you are a teenager.

Then we're old farts.


But guess what, you little wise-ass teenager...

The only thing you are likely good at these days is goofing-off.

Well that, and another type of ****ing off.

But you are much too young to admit to that, yet.


Go ahead, everyone.

Goof-Off!

You deserve it.

What a Tuesday

Lots of stuff happened yesterday.

Oreo's 100 year anniversary.



Sid was cleared for contact.



Super Tuesday.


Our dart team was victorious.



We ate cupcakes.




We told ya.

That was a crazy Tuesday.



But sadly, we have to return to work today.

The off-season is over.

It is supposed to be warm though, so we got that going for us.

Fat Tuesday 2012

Today is Fat Tuesday.

We celebrated by not wearing our man-braziers into the office today.

(It makes it easier for us to randomly flash our moobs at each other
in exchange for beads we bought at the Paper Mart in Hillcrest Plaza.)


So far, the skinniest guy is in the lead.

He manscapes, so it's not really fair.


Now, as we've said before, we aren't the most religious of folk.

Feel free to judge us.

So we don't really use Fat Tuesday for its intended purpose of drinking and
eating richer/fatty foods before the Lenten season starts, and fasting begins.

We do that every Tuesday.

And we will continue that tradition tonight, as a meal of chicken wings and
many beers is in our itinerary.

We may even swing by and see our buddy DJ Frankie over at the Parkview.

Anyone know if they serve Hurricanes?


Either way, have a safe and prosperous Mardi Gras.

And if you happen to see us around, don't be shy...

Earn some beads from us.

750 And No End In Site

Yeah, this is our 750th post here at theNewk.com.

It's been an interesting ride so far.

We've talked about everything from local events to Ron Jeremy's Rum.

We've met some great people, and made many friends
along the way.

Our mission with this site was to shed a positive light on our
beloved New Kensington and its surrounding neighborhoods.

And by much of the feedback we've received, we are doing exactly what
we set out to do.

We understand we can't entertain each any every one of you, with
each post we scribble.

Hell, we even bore ourselves some days.

Sometimes there just ain't anything interesting going on around here.

Those days are perfect for a reader email, or info about a local event
we think sounds cool.


We appreciate every one of you that reads our stuff.

And love the fact that many of you tell your friends about us, just
blows us away.

I mean c'mon...

Our little corner of the internet has over 1300 "likes" on facebook.

That is awesome.

So thanks for being there for us through the good and boring.



We hope you continue to check back in with us every now and again.

Valentine's Day 2012

St. ValeJ-Dub would like to wish you and yours the sexiest
of Valentine's Days.

He also says...


"Remember folks, if it's not kinky, it's not worth trying."



Have a great V.D.

Our Weatherman Is The Best

You all know Nic, our weatherman.


He's the best.

Seriously, take a listen to this...




If you aren't ready for the weekend after hearing that, you have
big problems, my friend.

Groundhog Day 2012 Results

D.J. #1: Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don't forget your booties 'cause it's cooooold out there today.
D.J. #2: It's coooold out there every day. What is this, Miami Beach?
D.J. #1: Not hardly. And you know, you can expect hazardous travel later today with that, you know, that, uh, that blizzard thing.
D.J. #2: [mockingly] That blizzard - thing. That blizzard - thing. Oh, well, here's the report! The National Weather Service is calling for a "big blizzard thing!"
D.J. #1: Yessss, they are. But you know, there's another reason why today is especially exciting.
D.J. #2: Especially cold!
D.J. #1: Especially cold, okay, but the big question on everybody's lips...
D.J. #2: - On their chapped lips...
D.J. #1: - On their chapped lips, right: Do ya think Phil is gonna come out and see his shadow?
D.J. #2: Punxsutawney Phil!
D.J. #1: That's right, woodchuck-chuckers - it's...
D.J. #1, D.J. #2: [in unison] GROUNDHOG DAY!

We have no idea if Phil saw his shadow.

We wrote this last night.

Do you really think we stay awake all night, just to find out
if a groundhog saw his shadow?

We only did that once.

And that was years ago.

And we drank a lot.

Like, a whole lot.

Gobbler's Knob has not been the same since.



-
If you know if he saw his shadow or not, please tell us.

Thanks.

End Of The Month Already

You gotta be kidding us.

January ends at midnight tonight?

We are still writing out checks and dating them 2011.

We're totally lying.

Even if we did pay our bills, we wouldn't write out a check.

What are we... old people?

Just kidding, old folks.


And not only is it the 31st, it is like 50 degrees out there today.

We still haven't had to pack up our jean-shorts for the winter.

Thank god, cause we have great legs.



We should apologize for not having anything of substance to talk
about today.

We could talk about the bank robbery, but there is really no news,
other than the fact that it happened.

Let's hope that they catch em, and we'll tell you all about it.