Friday, October 30, 2009

High School Football Scores (week 9)

Rivalry Week
(Well, around here anyways.)

Kiski Area Cavaliers 21 Vs. Plum Mustangs 28
Woodland Hills Wolverines 30 Vs. Penn Hills Indians 5
Hampton Talbots 59 Vs. Highlands Golden Rams 0
Deer Lakes Lancers 0 Vs. Shady Side Academy Indians 50
Summit Academy Knights Vs. Freeport Yellowjackets - Saturday Game
Valley Vikings 6 Vs. Burrell Buccaneers 32
West Shamokin Wolves 7 Vs. Apollo-Ridge Vikings 39
Riverview Raiders 0 Vs. Springdale Dynamos 40
Wilkinsburg Tigers Vs. Leechburg Blue Devils - Saturday Game

Ha Ha Ha Ha Halloween

Seeing as many of you won't be seeing this, because you have
your facebook account set to view "Status Updates," and facebook won't
allow fan pages to be seen any longer, we are posting the
greatest Halloween rap song of all time.

Here it is...

So, if you would like to see more than when your friends have
to go to work, may we suggest using the "News Feed" option.

That way, you can see all the crap we post as well.

And for those of you reading this site that don't have facebook.

We love you like a fat kid loves cake.

Have a happy and safe Halloween weekend everyone.

And ladies, if you dress up in a whorish outfit, our email address
is - please send pics.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Candy, Blood, Coffee and 6-Pack Abs

Halloween weekend is upon us.

Are you doing anything fun?

Will you be dressing up this year?

Are you going to be a vampire?

Will you be drinking blood?

If you do plan on drinking blood, please be aware that the Girl Scouts
would appreciate it, if you would leave a few drops for them.

See, they are holding a blood drive this Saturday from 10am to 3pm,
at the EKCC hall across from Martin School in New Kensington.
(At the corner of Powers Drive and 7th Street.)

And guess what, you get a pound of delicious Dunkin' Donuts coffee
if you donate. Booyah!

More info and RSVP's will be taken HERE.

Also happening this Saturday in New Kensington (as well as many other
local towns) is city wide Trick-or-Treat from 6pm to 8pm.

We will not be home that evening, as we have a party to go to.

So we ask you kindly...

Please do not egg our house.
We promise to leave the porch light off, as not to confuse/anger you.

Thank you.

We are kind of bummed about not being able to pass out treats to the local

Do kids still use pillowcases to collect candy?

Back in our day, pillowcases were baller.
(If you click on "baller" to find out what it means, please refer to either definition #6 or 7.)

We would now appreciate your input.

We are trying to narrow down our costume options for this Saturday.
(There is a big prize to be had, so don't mess around here.)

Option #1
King Leonidas

Option #2
Nacho Libre

Option #3
David Beckham
Option #4
Lee Greenwood

Here is a little background on why these costumes would work.

Our body is quite similar to that of Nacho Libre.
(That's right, ladies...hubba hubba.)

Our eyes are haunting just like Mr. Beckham's.
(We also share his obsession of tighty whities.)

Our love of America rivals that of Lee Greenwood.


Well, we really don't have anything in common with King Leonidas.

Maybe we do.

We just opened our front door and screamed "FOR SPARTA," and we
heard a few muffled voices yell "Hoo-Hoo-Hoo."

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

We Picked a Winner

So this past weekend, we decided to round up the troops, and
head out in search of some awesome pumpkins.

Our destination...

Renshaw Farms, in Freeport.

Not only can you get pumpkins at Renshaw Farms, you can take a
tractor ride to the corn stalk maze.

And we were down for everything this place had to offer.

So we paid our money, and hopped on the tractor ride.

It's safe to say, that I, theNEWK's fearless leader, was a bit nervous as
he rode on the flatbed trailer equipped with old bench car seats.

I tried to display a strong sense of masculinity.

I failed.

The terror that resided behind my eyes could not be contained.
(To the delight of the other maze goers.)

Seriously, take a look at this next picture, and tell me that's
not a terrifying scene.

I dare you.

Okay, now that I see it from this angle, maybe it's not so scary.

Stop judging me.

If you could hear the creaking sounds, you would understand.

Trust me.

So we got to the maze, and miraculously... we made it through unscathed.

On our way back to the tractor from hell, we plucked a couple pumpkins
from the patch.


The ride back was slightly less tragic, as we tried paying more attention
to the sights...such as some donkeys, mini-horses, and other farm like things.

We arrived back at the starting point, and checked out the other goods for sale.

We paid for our gourds, and took a guess on how much this pumpkin weighs.

If we win, we'll receive a sweet ass $20 gift card to Wal-mart.

Our fingers are crossed, for sure.

Here is one last photo for all you gazebo fans.

So there you have it.

Our latest adventure.

It was a little muddy.
It was a little scary.
It was a an experience not to be forgotten.

Thank you, Renshaw Farms.
Thank you, John Deere for building a quality product.
Thank you, David Cooper for taking amazing pictures.
Thank you, Harrison Grille in Natrona Heights for selling us dinner.
Thank you, friends for your great company.

Pictures of our pumpkin carving coming soon.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Toss The Pallino Already

"No longer shall our balls lie lifeless in the grass."

(Never have we thought that we would read that sentence...
let alone be the ones that type it.)

So what the hell are we talking about?

Bocce, that's what.

And why are we talking about bocce?

Because, until recently, any local fan of the Italian born game didn't have
many places to throw the pallino.

At least in the area parks that is.
(Northmoreland Park probably being the closest.)

But that has all changed.

It seems that the old owner of the land, that Wolf Pack Park sits on, is
a huge fan of the game.

And the city of Lower Burrell surprised him,
by building 2 bocce courts at the park.

They already have soccer fields, basketball court, softball field, baseball fields,
and a great kids park.

Seriously, the place has done a complete 180 from what you may
remember from years ago.

We suggest you take a ride down and check it out.

Don't forget your wallet, as we here at theNEWK don't play bocce
just for the fun of it.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Random Picture Monday (10-26-09) <3's Biff.

Thanks for another great picture, David.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

High School Football Scores (week 8)

Shall we?

Penn Hills Indians 48 Vs. Fox Chapel Foxes 7
Pittsburgh Central Catholic Vikings 28 Vs. Kiski Area Cavaliers 7
Plum Mustangs 14 Vs. Woodland Hills Wolverines 52
Highlands Golden Rams 21 Vs. Knoch Knights 35
Apollo-Ridge Vikings 14 Vs. Valley Vikings 13
Burrell Buccaneers 14 Vs. Ford City Sabers 26
Freeport Yellowjackets 37 Vs. Deer Lakes Lancers 7
Avonworth Antelopes 41 Vs. Riverview Raiders 8
Leechburg Blue Devils 0 Vs. Brentwood Spartans 35
Springdale Dynamos 48 Vs. Wilkinsburg Tigers 12

Friday, October 23, 2009

Grab and Smash

Yeah, that's right.

We meant to say it like that.

We know, we know...

It's "Smash and Grab."

But not in this case.

Seems someone decided to steal some cash from one of our favorite wing joints.
(Phillippi's Family Dining and Pizzeria) (That would be the "grab.")

He then led police on a chase, and crashed into Gatto's Cycle Shop by
Tarentum bridge.(That, would obviously, be the "smash.")

Luckily, nobody (other than possibly the driver) was injured during all this action.

Speaking of pumpkins...

We are looking for a good pumpkin patch to visit tomorrow.

Do any of you have a suggestion of a good one to go to?

Don't be shy.

We won't judge you.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Tarentum Is Under Attack

You read that correctly.

Tarentum, Pa. is currently in the battle of it's lifetime.

So please be sure to use extreme caution when entering the Tarentum
city limits.

We are being serious here.

There is a chance you won't make it out of there alive.

There is also a chance you'll be extremely lucky when you leave there.

How is this possible?

Well, it has everything to do with the enemy.

And you will know this enemy when you see them, as they will be wearing red.

No, it's not the communists.
(No matter what Glenn Beck is telling you.)

Well, what could it be?


That's right...

Ladybugs.(And by the looks of things, there will soon be a couple more.)

Yeah, it seems they are attacking a few strongholds in the borough.

And there is nowhere to hide, once they besiege upon you and your bunker.

They will penetrate any crack available.
(As if this is news to you, after seeing the previous picture.)

The experts tell us they are only looking for a warm place to "cuddle" for
the long and cold winter months.

But we know better.

Cuddling leads to spooning, and spooning leads to forking.

The experts also tell us in case of an attack, to suck them up with a vacuum cleaner,
rather than smooshing them on your walls.

And by the looks of these little perverts, they will probably enjoy the sucking.

Editor's Note:
Okay, we may have crossed the line on that last joke.
If you were at all insulted by it, please let your voice be heard and email us.
Better yet, we suggest you get in your car, start driving around, and try to
locate a better sense of humor.

Again, we urge you to use great caution when heading to Tarentum.

Please listen to our advice.
We may just save your life, or better yet...your innocence.

Editor's Note #2:
We don't actually have an editor.
It's the same guy that's writing the rest of this nonsense.
He is sensitive, so please be polite when sending any complaint emails.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Sidewalks and New Ken Zombies

The following rant was sent to our email yesterday.

It was so good, we just had to post it.


Sidewalks and New Ken Zombies I leave my house earlier this evening, and as I get into the car, I see this little fat kid standing in the middle of the street. He’s maybe twelve. He’s not doing much of anything. Seems his primary duty at that moment is simply to stand in the middle of the street, facing traffic and staring down the oncoming vehicles with the utter certainty that only comes with being a kid.

The oncoming cars slow down and angrily work their way around him. He’s not really bothered by this, and only moves when he’s good and ready. I’m taking this in, and assume that the child is simply stupid. There are stupid people everywhere, and this must be one of them.

Got me to thinking, though…there’s a curious phenomenon here in New Kensington that involves the middle of the street. There are perfectly good sidewalks on either side, but more often than not I see aforementioned stupid people avoiding them like they’re radioactive or toxic or something.

I don’t get it. I’m a recent transplant to this area. I’m from Beaver County, the land that’s more sub- than –urban. I had no sidewalks growing up, and burned with envy at the fortunate city kids that could rollerskate or skateboard or whatever on their paved utopias. Have you ever tried to rollerskate on gravel? It sucks.

So now I’m a grownup and live in a town with sidewalks. What do I see? I see countless morons who find it more prudent to walk down the middle of the street. What gives? I’ve been observing this trend for a while, and find it exclusive to this area. There’s no common thread…it’s universal among race, gender, and age. No one group owns this particular brand of stupidity, and I simply don’t get it. The local stray cats know better. I watch them too. Can someone explain this to me? I understand if it’s January and the sidewalks are clogged with snow, but seriously, it’s freakin’ October.

There are a few types…there’s the thuggin’ gangsta that has a cell phone in one hand and his (or her) waistband in the other. There’s the stupid kid that honestly doesn’t know any better (I hear Darwin knocking on that door.) There’s the elderly and/or the obese scooting in their getaround with the orange safety flag flying in the wind.

And then there are the zombies. Yes, the New Ken zombies. The ones that shamble along at a maddeningly slow pace, with no real purpose or destination, often covered in dirt. Don’t tell me you haven’t seen them. You know they’re real. Yes, they’re probably just drunk, but I’m not going near them to administer a breathalyzer. I don’t want to be eaten. I’ve seen the movies. I know what zombies do.

As I said, I’m new here. If there’s some anti-sidewalk ordinance or unwritten ancient tradition, please let me in on it. I really want to know. If not, then get your ass out of the street. Otherwise, I’m gonna sling some tires on all sides of my car and bump idiots out of my way, tugboat-style. You’ve been warned.


We can't express how awesome it feels when we get something like this
in our inbox.

First, the fact that someone took the time to write something so good, and
choose to send it to us, is awesome.

Second, it totally gives us a day off.

We will not crown this as the best email we have ever received.

Let us just say, that it is in the top 3.

Got something you'd like to share?

Send it to

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

High Plains Grifters

So it turns out that Vandergrift is one of the greatest places in America
to purchase a home.

Who would have thunk it?

We are not trying to put down the town of Vandergrift.

Hell, the are the home of one of our favorite restaurants, G&G.
Which makes them one of our top towns to visit.

But it seems the secret got out.

Because Vandy was just named the 4th best community in the entire
country to live in.

They based it on home values and school systems.
(Our guess, is they also stopped by G&G for a huge breakfast.)

I guess Kiski school district has some pretty good test scores.
Which is very impressive for how big they are.

So, congratulations to the town of Vandergrift!

Any town that houses Tommy's Catering, Tee's n Tops, and Trygar Music...

Should get some sort of recognition.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Random Picture Monday (10-19-09)

Monkey Wards

Hang Tight

Please hang tight for today's random picture. We are experiencing
slight technical difficulties here. (We wanted to say "testicle
difficulties," but thought it would be too childish.)

Now go scrape the frost from your car windows.

Thanks for stopping by!

Sent from my mobile device

Saturday, October 17, 2009

High School Football Scores (week 7)

Let's get down to business.

Kiski Area Cavaliers 0 Vs. Penn Hills Indians 38
Plum Mustangs 0 Vs. Pittsburgh Central Catholic Vikings 43
Franklin Regional Panthers 32 Vs. Highlands Golden Rams 19
Deer Lakes Lancers 6 Vs. Summit Academy Knights 34
Ford City Sabers 55 Vs. Apollo-Ridge Vikings 14
Freeport Yellowjackets 48 Vs. West Shamokin Wolves 7
Kittanning Wildcats 26 Vs. Burrell Buccaneers 31
Valley Vikings 13 Vs. Shady Side Academy Indians 42
Brentwood Spartans 12 Vs. Springdale Dynamos 7
Leechburg Blue Devils 6 Vs. Avonworth Antelopes 21
North Catholic Trojans 21 Vs. Riverview Raiders 0

Friday, October 16, 2009

Liquor And Poker

Why are liquor licenses such a news worthy topic around here?


Every day, a certain local fish wrapper (newspaper, for those of you not born in the 20's),
seems to write a front page story about who wants a license, who got a license, or who
needs to have a hearing about getting a license.

There honestly has to be something better to write about.

Hell, we have zero talent and no writing skills, but we find fresh topics to post about.

And I know what you're thinking...

"Aren't you writing about liquor licenses right this very instance?"

And to that, we say...

Shut up, smartass.

Truth be told, we aren't writing about liquor licenses right now.
We are writing about someone else, that likes to write about liquor licenses.


Do they employ a person that specializes in liquor license rumors?
Did they graduate with a masters in liquor license journalism?

Whatever their reasoning, it's starting to grow tiresome.

Because, if you are from this area, you know one thing for certain...

There a many places to grab a drink around here.
If one bar is closed, chances are, you won't even have to get back in your car to
find another one.

Maybe we're just cranky?
Maybe we need a drink?
Maybe we're pissed because the "Lunch Bunch" is trying to steal our
chicken wing thunder?
(Just so happens they ate at Gunny's this week...yeah, we see
how you
wanna play it... prison rules, eh?)

Now go back and count how many times we used the word "license" in this piece.
Without looking, we say the over/under is 11.

In case you were unaware.
The weather this weekend looks like turds.
Pull out your fleece-lined slicker.

Also, thanks to everyone that sent over some kinds words concerning our loss.
That's what we love about this area.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Why Do We Do This?

As you've seen in the past here at theNewK, we like to sometimes post
an email that grabs our attention.

And this installment, features a question we not only get asked online, but
in our everyday lives.

We aren't figuring that this post will make it so we'll never have to answer it again.

We just though some of you wondered the same thing "Mike P." did...

Hey newk. How do you make money with this site?
Mike P.
We responded...

Dear Mike P.

We don't make any money at all doing this site. To be honest, we spend a good amount of cash to do it. Thanks for the email!

-theNEWK Team

Mike P. wrote us back with the normal follow up question that we get...

Then why do you do it?
Mike P.
And we responded...

Dear Mike P.

That's a very good question, and we get asked that a lot. The reason we do it
is because we are proud of where we are from, and we want to shine a bright
beam of light on the good things around here. Sure, we make fun of stuff, and
crack jokes about being perverts (which is fairly true), but we have a tremendous
sense of community and this is the best way we know how to show it.

And to address the monetary situation.

We are currently debating whether or not to sell the "I heart Biff" t-shirts on
the site. Now, we understand that those shirts won't afford us many comforts
in life, but they may help with our short term cash flow issues. Like web costs,
flea market deals, and more importantly...Wingapalooza.

Thanks again for the email, and please keep reading.

-theNEWK Team

Maybe you and Mike P. were thinking the same questions.

If so, I hope that helps ease your mind.

Either way, that's why we're here.

Like us, or hate us...

We're staying.

Feel free to send any questions, comments or party invites to


On a totally unrelated note. I lost my grandmother this past Tuesday evening.
And to be honest, I'm not the most religious person in the world. But I fully believe
that she is reunited with my grandfather, and they are out in his little aluminum
fishing boat, catching loads of panfish and putting sunblock on each other.

Just typing that allowed me to cry for the first time.

I now have another reason why I do this site.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Wingapalooza 2009 (Stop #3)

The third stop of Wingapalooza 2009 turned out to be a tasty and educational one.

We sampled many dishes.
Most importantly the wings.

And we learned many things.
Like how good the chicken wings are.

Shall we begin?

3rd stop: Stella's Restaurant in the Parnassus section of New Kensington

I entered Stella's a few minutes past my coordinated arrival time with David "DSDC" Cooper.

He didn't seem to mind, as he had found a seat at the bar, and was already
enjoying what seemed to be a cold beverage of some sort.

Never one to promote drinking alone, I asked for whatever David was drinking.

And let me tell you, that was the right move.

This really is a great time of year for a beer drinker, as what soon arrived in front
of me tasted like Autumn in a tall glass.

Jack's Pumpkin Spice Ale.

On tap.

A beautiful start, to what turned out to be a great evening.

The lovely woman that served us our drinks, turned out to be Stacy, the owner.

We discussed the intentions of our trip, and she couldn't have been nicer.

Same could be said for some of the patrons at the bar.
They overheard our conversation, and immediately starting listing all the menu
items that we just "had to try."

Even though we came for the wings...

We are a website of the people.
And the people had spoken.

We were introduced to our server, Debbie.
Debbie was top-notch.
Believe what we tell you.

David and I started spouting off all types of things we wanted to taste.
To be honest, we sounded like we had just spent a week in the woods, eating only
questionably edible berries and twigs.


First up.
What we came for...

The wings.

They come breaded or naked (for you kinky types).
We of course tried both.

Although both lightly dusted in seasoning, and very delicious...

We preferred the breaded.

The breading is light and flavorful, while the chicken inside is moist and tender.

They offer many selections of sauces for dipping:
Hot Sauce, Ranch, Honey Mustard, Buffalo and Stella's Sauce.

Oh, Stella's Sauce.
Or as we call it, "Chicken Wing Nectar."

Here is a picture of the breaded wings, accompanied by said sauces and a beer.

(Hold me)

And in this next shot, DSDC captures everything right in the world.

Take notice of the crunchy, seasoned and golden exterior of those wings.
That picture is David Cooper's Sistine Chapel.

To those of you that suggested Stella's, we thank you sincerely.

Onward we go.

Turns out, Stella's has been serving homemade foods since 2002.
And we have been eating since the 1970's.

There was lots of time to make up for.

We opted to try the Wedding Soup.
(I say "we," but once it got was pretty much "me.")

It's true. David Cooper did not receive one bite of this culinary masterwork.
But I did allow him to take a picture of it.
I know...I'm a sweetie.

Seriously though, we eat wedding soup by the gallon, and this one is top 3 for sure.

Next, we went with a bar patron suggestion, and ordered a D&M style pizza with
sausage and green peppers.

And they knew what they were talking about.
The thin crust, the yummy sauce and the cheese blend all added up to a plate
full of pizza love.

Our special thanks to pizza chef Nick.
You do good work, fine sir.

Where are we?

On our 7th course already?

This next dish will make your eyes glisten, and your tummy grumble.

We give to you...

Grilled Chicken & Spinach

The chicken. The mushrooms. The tomatoes. The spinach. The butter herb pasta.
We're in love.

Honestly, I would do dirty things to that dish.
Luckily for everyone involved, there were people around, and I'm a bit shy.

And here is the hidden gem.

The homemade nacho chips and cheese.

Don't think for a second we are fooling around here.
Eat these, and thank us with gifts when you finish.

These has me shouting "Ariba, ariba!"
As the only Spanish I have retained in my life, I learned from watching Speedy Gonzalez.
Please forgive me, Senorita Matyas.

After gathering our leftovers and enjoying a few more Pumpkin Spice Ales.
We set forth to find our conveniently parked motor vehicles.

Now listen up people.
And listen good.

There are tons of places to park when you want to eat at Stella's.

You can park across the street, in the back, or in the huge lot marked "Stella's Parking"
right next to the building they share with the gym.

This place really has it all.

Great food.
A well stocked bar.
Wonderful service.
Homemade foods (gnocchi, lasagna, meatballs, etc)
Steeler game buffets.
Ample parking.
Super clean atmosphere.

Hell, they even deliver and offer catering services.

Stella's Restaurant
400 Freeport Street
New Kensington, Pa. 15068

Wed, Thurs, and Fri 11am - 9pm
Saturday 2pm - 9pm
Also open 1 hour before any Steeler game (Sundays or Mondays)

Photos and tasting by David Cooper

The guy does it all.
Call him today for all your photographic needs.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Big Time Purchase.

Do you remember last week, when we posted a couple times telling you about
the flea market being held at the EKCC?

We do.

Our plan was to stop by and support one of our local organizations, by spending a
couple dollars on some homemade grub.

We did.

Hotdog w/pork and kraut + Cabbage and noodles = Woo-woo!

The food was on point.
Well done ladies.

After our feast, we took a look at some of the goods for sale.

We found a pig mask.
We found a Santa pin with moving legs and arms (pictured).
We found some candles.

Then it happened.

Could it be?

After some nifty negotiations.
(We paid exactly what he asked.)

It was ours.

All ours!

That's right folks.
We purchased an original copy of the 1900-1950 Ken Hi yearbook.


You should be.

We told you to go.

So, suck it.

Over the next who knows how long, we will try to scan images and whatnot from
this great piece of local history.

Here is just a taste...

1927 Football Team

Varsity Basketball 1925-26
(Not sure about the grape smuggler camera view, but whatever.)

So now that you see how much awesomeness was to be had, don't you wish
you would have gone?

Actually, maybe you did.

Because the nice ladies at the EKCC told us the turnout was higher than expected.

So from us, to you...

Thanks for going.
Thanks for leaving us some cabbage and noodles.
Thanks for not buying our book.

See you tomorrow with Wingapalooza's 3rd entry!
It's a doozie.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Random Picture Monday (10-12-09)

We'll take richer.

Thanks goes out to David Cooper for the photo, and the joke.

Also, thanks to everyone that sent in "I ♥ Biff" info so far. It's starting to come together.

And for those of you that don't read our facebook page updates...

We are currently working on a piece about why everyone loves Biff. And we totally need your help. If you have any info at all about the story surrounding the infamous "I ♥ Biff" graffiti that resides in the NewK, please email it to us.

Honestly, if you have loads of info, or just maybe a rumor you heard...we would love to hear it. Thanks in advance.

In case you don't know where to find your "favorite page" updates on facebook.
Just click "Inbox" at the top of your home page.
Then click "Updates" on the upper left of that page.

You will see that we sent a bunch, cause we didn't think they were working.
We just
couldn't find them.

We're total burnouts.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

High School Football Scores (week 6)

The season is flying by.

Here are your week 6 scores...

Fox Chapel Foxes 6 Vs. Plum Mustangs 23
Penn Hills Indians 6 Vs. Pittsburgh Central Catholic Vikings 27
Woodland Hills Wolverines 36 Vs. Kiski Area Cavaliers 7
Indiana Little Indians 21 Vs. Highlands Golden Rams 7
Burrell Buccaneers 44 Vs. Apollo-Ridge Vikings 0
Deer Lakes Lancers 0 Vs. Kittanning Wildcats 30
Valley Vikings 0 Vs. Freeport Yellowjackets 41
Springdale Dynamos 40 Vs. Leechburg Blue Devils 6
Riverview Raiders Vs. Brentwood Spartans - Saturday Game

Friday, October 9, 2009

Where Were We?

Why didn't we make a fabulous post this morning?

That's an easy one to answer.

It's because we were at Giant Eagle, stocking up on our favorite halloweenish cereals...

Franken Berry
Boo Berry
Count Chocula

No hard feelings.
Have a great weekend.

Don't forget about the flea market and food bonanza tomorrow at the EKCC.

We're Not Perfect

Sorry about missing today's post.

We promise to make it up to you.

Fruit basket?
A dozen roses?
2 boxes of grape flavored Nerds?

What can we do to win you back?

Sent from my mobile device

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Huge Bed, No Sheetz

By the looks of things, we might be getting another Sheetz convenience
store to spend our money at.

There are rumors that Lower Burrell wants in on some of the hot MTO market.

Seriously, who doesn't love ordering food on a touch screen, Back to the Future style?

And they want to put it right at the gateway of LBC.
(The point where New Ken and Lower Burrell booty bump.)

Seems they wanna knock down half of the Crossroads Plaza and build it there.

You know the Crossroads, right?

It's right by the Walgreens and Family Video.

Yep, the place with the liquor store.

Their plan, is to move the remaining tenants into the vacant Prizants Carpet
building, even though it might be a semi-tight fit.

They would also be tearing down the old Rita's Ice building.
You remember our recent picture of it, right?

Yeah, you remember.

Moving on...

We all know that Lower Burrell, although a great city, is a bit of a primadonna.
And that's what we love about them.

To prove it, they don't want your run of the mill, brand new Sheetz.
They want the super fancy one like Cranberry Township has.

You know, Cranberry.
One of the most prosperous areas in the entire state.

Yeah, it sounds like they want everyone leaving New Ken to know they are
entering the awesomeness known as LBC, by taking notice of the state-of-art
gas station on their left.

Seems they made the same request years ago, when the Eckerd was erected at the
other end of Leechburg rd.

That building does provide a feeling of "high-class" when you drive by it.
Up until you hit the Dollar General 500 yards away.

So anyways, we hope everything works out in this endeavor.
As New Ken, Creighton and Springdale have been spoiled for much too long.

Death Dogs for everyone!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Get A Job And Spend The Cash By Saturday.

We are going to take a few minutes today, and tell you about 2 events going
on here in the NEWK.

First we have the Alle-Kiski Job Fair, that will be taking place tomorrow (Thursday)
at Penn State New Ken.

Recruiters from more than 50 area companies are expected. They will represent fields
ranging from finance to manufacturing.

Understand, that this event is for anyone, not just students at the school.

So get your resume together, and wear something stylish, as there are many jobs
to be had.

We know that this is a tough time for many people, so just getting your
name out there could make a huge difference in your life.

They are expecting up to 500 people to pass through.
You should make it 501.

The future is now.

This event runs from 10am to 2pm


So now that you have a great new job, what do you plan to spend all that cash on?

We would spend it on chicken wings.
More about that soon.

But if wings ain't your thing.
You could always stop by the EKCC this Saturday (Oct 10) for a sweet flea market.

For those of you that don't know, the EKCC is located at the corner of 7th st. and
Powers dr. Right across from Martin elementary school.

There should be all kinds of awesome stuff to purchase.

And there will be food, in case you are like us, and shopping makes you hungry.

To be honest, there aren't many activities that don't make us hungry.

Hotdogs, cabbage and noodles, and many other item will be made available to you.

So stop by anytime between 8am to 3pm, and be prepared to shop
till you drop.

If you go to either event, let us know how it went.

We love emails, almost as much as cake.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

The Path of Most Resistance

Chances are, some of you reading this attended Valley High School.

And if you are one of those proud few, chances are you probably walked to school.
(As this is the first year they are busing students.)

And even if you didn't come in the back way, we're sure you are familiar with "the path."

That's right.
Cook's Path.

Cook's Path was the place for many an event...

Meeting spot.
Cigarette break.
Make-out point.
Fight club.
General debauchery.
Beverage consumption.

You name it, that path has probably witnessed it.

But it seems as though the only thing the path will see in the future, is the local wildlife.

Because as of now, the path is closed.

Seriously, they didn't just come put a sign up, they put a 10ft high fence at the top.

Don't believe us?

See for yourself...

Yeah, that's right.
We went and took a picture just to prove it.

This is a sad day for all path alumni.

And a joyous day for the residents of Lower Charles.

As we took the picture, we overheard a local homeowner say...

"It's not that we don't like the kids that used the path, it's just that we don't
like kids in general. Buncha wise-ass hooligans, the lot of them. I think most of
them are hooked on the reefers."

I'll be honest, we didn't hear anyone say those things.
We just really enjoy talking like an old person.

Now, if you have no idea what the path is, but you still read this entire piece.
We owe you something for wasting your time.

How about a joke?

A Nursery school teacher says to her class,
"Who can use the word 'Definitely' in a sentence?"

First a little girl says "The sky is definitely blue"
Teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange."

The second little boy says "Trees are definitely green"
"Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."

Tony from the back of the class stands up and asks
"Does a fart have lumps?"

The teacher looks horrified and says "Anthony! Of course not!!!"

"OK. Then I DEFINITELY crapped my pants."

Monday, October 5, 2009

Random Picture Monday (10-05-09)

East LA

Saturday, October 3, 2009

High School Football Scores (week 5)

What's up, everyone?
Here are your NEWK area scores...

Kiski Area Cavaliers 18 Vs. Fox Chapel Foxes 7
Plum Mustangs 7 Vs. Penn Hills Indians 28
Highlands Golden Rams 0 Vs. Mars Planets 43
Ford City Sabers 0 Vs. Freeport Yellowjackets 6
Kittanning Wildcats 25 Vs. Apollo-Ridge Vikings 6
West Shamokin Wolves 0 Vs. Deer Lakes Lancers 40
Avonworth Antelopes 6 Vs. Springdale Dynamos 7
Carlynton Cougars 10 Vs. Riverview Raiders 13
North Catholic Trojans 43 Vs. Leechburg Blue Devils 6
Summit Academy Knights 12 Vs. Valley Vikings 21
Shady Side Academy Indians 14 Vs. Burrell Buccaneers 17

Friday, October 2, 2009

Raise The Banner.

Tonight, the champion Pittsburgh Penguins raise the Stanley Cup banner
high in the rafters of the Igloo (Mellon Arena).

It will be the last home opener the Mellon ever hosts, as Console Energy Center
will be up and running for next season.
(where hopefully we'll have yet another banner to raise)

We know.
We know.

The Pens don't play at the Valley Sports Complex, so why are we talking
about this on theNEWK?

The best way for us to explain is simple...

Cause we're the kings around here.

"Me and my Sugar, we get real nasty in there."

Now, we are going to keep this short and sweet.

Because we have to go claim our seat at the bar for the game tonight.

Have a great weekend everybody...

Go Pens.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Where Did You Get That?

As many of you are aware, we walked in Lower Burrell's 50th celebration parade.

It seems a t-shirt one of us was wearing, has been getting a good bit of attention.

Here, is just one, of the emails we received...

We saw you walking in the parade. Nice signs by the way. There was a guy carrying the banner, and he was wearing a "I Heart Biff" tshirt. Where did he get it? Can you find out for me? That thing was awesome. Thnx!

Thanks for the email, G.

Fact is, you aren't the first one asking this particular question.

That shirt seems to be more popular than we are.

That's not surprising.
As we are used to being overlooked.

Lucky for you.
We were able to get a picture of this phantom t-shirt...

Bottom line is, if there is a decent amount of interest in this hot piece
of locally flavored couture. They might consider making them available exclusively
through us here at theNEWK.

What do you think, should we offer these shirts for sale here?

Leave a comment, or just hit the "like" button on our facebook post.

And just in time for the holiday season!
(The sweet devil mask is not for sale, sorry.)