Thursday, December 31, 2009

2010 Is Already Looking Brighter

That's right.

2010 is looking good for many reasons.

But, there is some news in particular that
brightened our day.

It seems the city of New Kensington received
a rather large grant, to replace and update many
of the lights that line the fine streets of NK.

See, back in the 80's, New Ken installed a whole
bunch of mercury vapor lights.

Many of those lights are burnt out, and are
quite outdated, in comparison to the newer
LED lights that lead the way in the luminary world.

The new LED upgrade will also save the city a nice
chunk of change in yearly energy costs.

(Maybe they could use that money to lower my water bill.)

Just a thought.

But the biggest difference the new lights will make,
is the city streets will be about 6 times brighter.

Not only will it look better, it will be safer as well.

Hey, anything that helps bring some new businesses
down there, is a plus in our eyes.

To be honest, we'd love to be smart enough to start
a business that we could open down there.

We see the city making a great move forward, and we'd
love to get in before there aren't any spots left.

We see you snickering.
Knock it off.

They hope to have all the lights fully installed by
September or October of this coming year.

We'd like to say "good job," to any and all people
that had something to do with this.

We look forward to basking in the new found glow.

We almost forgot.

Have a safe and happy NewK Years Eve!

Don't do anything we wouldn't do.

(Which to be honest, isn't many things.)

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Do You Have Plans?

We received a few similar emails these past few days.

So, we decided to post one, and answer it.

Aren't we a bunch of sweeties?

Dear Newk Team-

Do you have any plans for New Years Eve? I am going out drinking with friends. Would you all like to join us?

Have a good year.

Hey Tiffany.

Thanks so very much for the invite.
We are flattered.

Fact is, we already have some plans of our own.

We are heading to a friends house, and partying there.

It's our NewK Years Eve Bash.

Also, we have been talking about forming a
Newk Polar Bear Club.

We have received quite a bit of interest.

Normally, the polar bears take a New Years Day dip
into a chilly waterway.

We are a little late in planning such an event.

Which means we didn't have the time to find a safe and
proper place for us all to take the plunge.

It could happen very soon though, so keep an open
mind, and we'll pass along the details as they are made.

If you know of somewhere we can make this happen,
please email us asap.

Thanks so much.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Our Top 10 List

Everyone else is doing it.

Why shouldn't we?

So here you have it, our top 10 posts
of 2009!

12 Days Of Christmas In The Newk

So we read an article today, that laid out all the costs of the different items named, in the popular tune "The Twelve Days Of Christmas."...

Huge Bed, No Sheetz

By the looks of things, we might be getting another Sheetz convenience store to spend our money at. There are rumors that Lower Burrell wants in on some of the hot MTO market...

The Path Of Most Resistance

Chances are, some of you reading this attended Valley High School. And if you are one of those proud few, chances are you probably walked to school. (As this is the first year they are busing students.)...

Pride Is Infectious

We here at the Newk always ask you to send us emails. We love getting them. Even the ones promising penis enlargement. (Damn liars.)...

Was Front Page The Right Page?

Did any of you see the front page of the Valley News Dispatch yesterday? If so, we imagine that you also have a new image burned into your head...

We Like Nice People

This afternoon, I headed out to my local Giant Eagle to pick up a few essentials. (Bagels, Dorito's and Diet 7up)...

Leech And Chong

It seems a few Leechburg folk have been doing some gardening as of late. It also looks like they will be spending a little time in the county lock-up as well...

What A Day, What A Day

So yesterday morning, I packed up my little video
camera, and headed on down to meet David Cooper. See, we made plans to go check out this year's Veterans Parade in New Ken and Arnold...

Tarentum Is Under Attack

You read that correctly. Tarentum, Pa. is currently in the battle of it's lifetime. So please be sure to use extreme caution when entering the Tarentum city limits...

All 4 Stops of Wingapalooza:

The Rainbow


We put out some good stuff this past year.
Don't you think?

All we know is, our mothers are very proud of us.
(Even if you aren't.)

Monday, December 28, 2009

Random Picture Monday (12-28-09)

*Special Edition*

Here is why today is special:

1. This is the last Random Picture of 2009.
2. We need your help.

Today's picture was sent to us with a request for info.

It seems these things were planted throughout the LBC
(Lower Burrell), and the reader has no idea why.

They thought we would know, but alas, for the first time ever,
we were stumped.

Can you help?

Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas...

"Merry Christmas, shitter was full."

Have a great day everyone.

We'll see you next week.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

200 And Counting

So this here post that you are reading, is our
200th post on this site.

It seems like only yesterday that we made
this entry...


Bravo, us!

I bet, you knew right there and then, that
this place was destined for greatness.

Or maybe you thought it would be forgotten,
2 days after it started.

Either way, here we are.

Making movies.
Taking pictures.
Eating food.
Writing articles that are prize worthy.
Having visions of grandeur.
Solving the worlds problems.
Hosting giveaways.
blah blah blah.

So yeah, it's been a fun trip to this point.

And what are the odds that we hit this milestone,
smack dab in the middle of Christmas Week, on
Christmas Eve at that?

Weird, eh?

Actually, the more we think about it, there is
nothing weird about it at all.

Forget we said anything.

Okay, I gotta go clean and wrap crap.

Don't forget to leave Santa some cookies.

Another good holiday tip...

Sex, is always a wonderful gift.


Today's Cousin Eddie Quote:

"Don't forget the rubber sheets and gerbils."

Christmas is tomorrow.
Damn, that was quick.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Bright Lights, Big City

Today we are giving you the little video
we made of some local Christmas lights.

We have tons of crap to do today, so we're
going to keep this short.

Don't be mad.

Chances are, you should be doing something
other than watching videos online.

So there.

Hope you like it.

Today's Cousin Eddie quote:

"I don't know if I oughta go sailin' down no hill, with
nothin' between the ground and my brains but a
piece of government plastic."

1 Day til Christmas

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

We Do Parade Videos

For some strange reason, our specialty seems to
be making parade videos.

Bruce Springsteen writes songs.
Picasso paints pictures.
Tiger Woods wins tournaments.
Sean Penn acts.
Howard Stern does radio.
Lebron is a baller.
Tiger Woods bangs broads.
We make parade videos.

Everyone has a calling in life.

It sucks a little bit, that ours has no redeeming
value, or chance of making a living.

But it's the hand we've been dealt.

So, without further ado.

We present to you, the
New Kensington Christmas Parade 2009

What did you think?

Hey, even if you think it blew, it won't
ruin our Christmas spirit.

So, suck on that, hater.

Here is today's installment, of our favorite
Cousin Eddie quotes...

"If that cat had nine lives, it sure used em' all."

2 days till Christmas

Monday, December 21, 2009

Random Picture Monday (12-21-09)

This truck has the spirit.


Not only is it Random Picture Monday, it's the start
of Christmas Week here at theNEWK.

The next 2 days, will bring 2 new videos.

We will also be keeping you updated, on any and all
news that's going on in the area.

It's a super busy week for us, but it's totally worth it.

We love Christmas.


We would like to thank everyone for their comments and
emails up to this point, wishing us happy holidays.

Keep em' coming.

This might be our favorite feature of Christmas Week.

Each day, we will post one of the best Cousin Eddie
quotes from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.

"She falls down a well, her eyes go cross. She gets
kicked by a mule, they go back. I don't know.


3 days til Christmas

Friday, December 18, 2009

Need Something Else To Look Forward To?

Next week is Christmas Week.

Not only in the really real world, but also
here at theNEWK.

There will be:

- Pictures
- Videos
- Cheer
- Laughs
- Jolly Good Times

We have a few surprises lined up.

So make sure you check in daily.

Unfortunately for you today, we don't have
much else to talk about.

As it would probably be a waste of our time.

It seems nobody reads the internet on Fridays.

Have fun shopping.

Here's you NEWK weekend weather report:

"It's gonna be chilly, with some snow. Did you know I won the
Best Actor Oscar for my Role in Leaving Las Vegas?"

EDIT 2:43pm Friday:

It's going to snow so much that the world will
completely shut down.

Go buy milk and bread, and prepare for the worst.

Two inches later, eat some sandwiches, and laugh
about how worried you were.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

We're A Little Distracted

Yeah, that seems to happen a lot this
time of year.

With so many things going on all at the same

Stuff to do almost every night of the week.

People are having parties.
People need help with their tree.
People want to grab a drink.
People get married.
People march in parades.
People have houses to clean.
People have gifts to wrap.
People need to do laundry.
People have to write blogs.

There are many events and responsibilities that
come with the holiday season.

It is very easy to start feeling overwhelmed.

Today is one of those days for us.

Be here, be there...gotta be everywhere.

Go go go!

So as I sit here relaxing a bit, one thought
storms through my head more than any other...

How does Carson Daly have a career, let alone
his own television show?

That guy is a total douche, with a weird shaped

Every time I forget to change the channel as soon
as Late Night with Jimmy Fallon ends, I must
witness a few seconds of the overly fake Carson Daly.

God, I just want to express deliver a fist, right to his suckhole.

Do you see what stress can do to a person?

Stress just made me turn this peaceful site, into
a hate spewing montage of verbal assaults, and
delusions of physical violence.

(Which I have no intentions of acting on, if I were to ever
actually meet Mr. Carson Daly. As I fear his
eyebrows would catch my fist, spin my arm around
my back, and make me scream "uncle," ala Scott Farkus
in the Christmas Story movie.)

So, what's the point of today's post?

Nothing really.

I just needed to vent for a minute.

Oh yeah.

If there was any question about the greatest
Christmas commercial of the year.

Here it is.

Only bad thing, is it's a Radio Shack commercial.

And I hate Radio Shack.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

We Have A Winner

As many of you have seen, we've been running
a giveaway contest over the last week or so.

LolliPUPs Pet Grooming (724.339.PUPS)
Located at 1709 7th Street Road
in new Kensington, was gracious enough
to put up a $30 gift certificate for us to
give away to one lucky reader.

We received many entries, and many great
pictures of most people's pets.

So, before we announce the winner, we
have decided to share all the pictures with you.

What a great bunch of pets, eh?

So many good looking pets out there.

But, unfortunately for most, there can only
be one winner in this contest.

See, we are not like the rest of the world
these days, where everyone gets a trophy...

"just for trying."

Okay, it's the moments of truth.

The winner is...

"Drum roll please...drum roll."

Mary Smider

Congratulations, Mary!

We will contact you with all the details.

Thanks again, to everyone that entered.

We wish you all could have won, but that would
been financially crippling for LolliPUPs.

Thanks again to LolliPUPs.
You are awesome!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Move Over Macy's

There are whispers about a big time retailer
taking up the vacant spot in the Heights Plaza,
that was once filled by Macy's.

Some of you old-timers, still call it Lazarus.

Either way, the people involved in the negotiations
are being all hush about who might be moving in.

They are teasing us by saying, "It's a very good tenant
and one that everyone will recognize."

We don't like being taunted in this way.

It's like saying, "I know what you
are getting for Christmas."

I could just pimp-slap someone with my mitten clad
hand, for saying something like that.

So here is what we're going to do.

We are going to breakdown the details, and make
an educated guess as to who is coming to town.
(Other than Santa.)

- The space is 73,000 square feet.
- There has always been a large department store in
that plaza since it opened in 1956.
- We once stopped there prior to a date, to spray on
some free tester cologne. (It worked like a charm.)
- Macy's moved out in mid-March of this past year.
- We were denied a store credit card, but still got 10%
off of that day's purchase. Booyah.

Stores that already have a local presence, or ones
that we are just ruling out for no reason at all:
- Sears (Mills Mall)
- JC Penney (Mills Mall)
- Walmart (Not big enough)
- Macy's (That would be hilarious)
- Linens n Things (lolz)
- Gimbles (We don't even know if they are real, or just
in the movies.)
- Target (Harmar)
- Bloomingdales (Too "hoidy-toidy")
- Bass Pro Shops (We aren't that lucky)
- Neiman Marcus (See "Bloomingdales")
- Barneys (Not a chance)

Possible stores, but ones we doubt:
- Lord and Taylor (Just not feeling it)
- The Bon-Ton (Stupid name)
- Gabriel Brothers (Almost made our probable list)

Probable, but we're never right:
- Kohl's
- TJ Maxx
- Boscov's

So out of those 4, we now have to pick a winner.

Here is your next department store...

There you have it.

Mystery solved.

You can congratulate us on our magnificence, once
the press release comes out in a few months.

Last call for entries to our $30 LolliPUPs pet
grooming giveaway contest!

If you don't know what we're talking about, we
suggest you go find the details for yourself.

We're tired of babysitting.

9 shopping days till Christmas

Monday, December 14, 2009

Random Picture Monday (12-14-09)

We just can't drop the Christmas spirit.

(Another beauty by dc)

Don't forget to email us to enter to win the $30
pet grooming giveaway, provided by LolliPUPs.

You get an extra entry, if you include a photo of
your pet, which we will show on the site once the
contest ends.

Full details HERE.

One other thing...

The New Kensington Salvation Army is having
trouble finding bell ringers.

We would really like to help them out.

Email us, if you share our giving spirit.

One more thing...

Liam Neeson, in the movie "Taken," is a bad mo-fo.

"I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you."

That is all for today.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Don't Let It Pass You By

As I'm sitting here, thinking about what to
write about today.

I realized there is less than 2 weeks before
Christmas Day.

2 weeks.

I got scared, that I was not enjoying this time
of year as much as I should be.

See, I'm a huge Christmas fan.

I love the lights.
I love the smiles.
I love the sales.
I love the time spent with my family.
I love giving.
I love receiving.
(Get your mind out of the gutter.)
I love holiday car commercials.
I love turning the tree lights on.
I love wrapping presents.
I love pistachios.
I love Christmas ales at the 6 and Save.

There are many more things I love, but I sense
you are getting bored.

I feel the need to get out amongst the people.

Shake some hands, and kiss some babies.

Fact is, I won't do either of those things.

See, I'm a germaphobe, so the handshaking is out.

And babies would not appreciate the scratchy, yet
rugged/sexy feel of my winter beard.
(Same goes for my wife.)

So here's my plan.

I will take a few evenings over the coming week, and
drive around filming some local light displays.

I will then edit the video down to a proper length, and
set it to some good music.

When I'm finished, I will share it with you all.

Isn't that awesome of me?

I know, I'm a total dreamboat.

It's time for theNEWK weekend weather report...

"It's gonna suck, but it could be worse."

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Rain, Sleet, Wind...Oh My

Damn, yesterday was a windy and wild one.

We actually saw a cat get blown over.

That's a lie.

Anyways, we thought the post title was a nice
segue into a solid email we got.
Going Postal...

I don’t envy Postal workers. I realized this while standing in line the other day. Specifically, I feel bad for this one particular reason: I’ve noticed that as soon as some customers get in line at the post office, they feel they have the right and appointed duty to start complaining loudly to everyone within earshot how slowly the line is moving and how poor the service is. We all know this guy (and it’s usually a guy.) We listen to him, avoid his eye contact, maybe mumble our agreement halfheartedly, or simply suffer this fool in silence. If you’ve never had the pleasure of enduring this jerk, then I have news for you. You are That Jerk.

If this is you, stop it. Now. You’re not cool. You’re not impressing anybody with your self-importance. You might as well be wearing a shirt that says, “I’m an a-hole” on the front and “I’m comically disappointing in bed” on the back. You’re only making everyone miserable. When everyone’s miserable, the mood turns foul, which makes people dislike the post office. It’s actually not a bad place. Most of the employees are actually trying hard to work quickly to make sure everyone’s properly served.

(For full disclosure, I don’t work for the post office, nor am I married into it or affiliated with it in any way. I’m just opinionated.)

To avoid this hassle, I always try to head to the Arnold branch. You know the one at 1740 Fifth Avenue, the one with the free parking lot? I always go there because it’s fast, quiet, easy, and courteous. In and out, piece of cake. Their hours are somewhat limited, which is why I was in line at the other place the other day listening to That Jerk.

As it turns out, the Arnold branch is a very well-kept secret, which is why I like it so much. Here’s the problem: maybe it’s too secret. I just found out that it might be on the chopping block due to inevitable cutbacks across the board. This, in my opinion, sucks. I like my great service, and don’t really feel like being shuffled back in line at the main branch, listening to That Jerk over and over again.

Don’t get me wrong; I really like the staff at the main post office here in New Kensington. They’re great people. I just don’t like to wait twenty minutes for every transaction.

Next time you’re waiting in line and the woman in front of you is trying to mail an artificial Christmas tree without a box (I’m not making that up,) head over to Arnold. You’ll be glad you did. Spread the love around a bit. They’ll appreciate it. If you’re so inclined, ask for a questionnaire to save the branch. They’ll appreciate that too.

Mostly, though, don’t be That Jerk. Seriously. Keep your damn misery to yourself. Not just because it’s Christmastime, but in general. You’ll find your restaurant food will suddenly taste less like waitress spit, and maybe people will start being nicer to you. You get what you give.

We told you it was solid.

Unfortunately, we have nothing else to say.

I'm a bit under the weather.

No, it's not the swine flu.

My wife says I have the "whine flu."
Cause that's all I do when I'm sickly.

Still working on the video.

Enter our contest HERE.

Gonna die now.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

It May Be Raining, But It's Snowing In Our Hearts

As I sat there yesterday, eating an Italian hoagie
from Rosa's (love on a bun), I poured through
the amazing pictures that David Cooper snapped
of the New Ken Christmas parade this past Saturday.

We were in awe.

From both the yummy sub, and the pictures.

We are working on one of our famous videos, but until
it's finished, we are going to give you what you want.

What you need.

What you desire.

So, without further ado...


Here we come.

Special thanks to Charapp Dodge in Natrona Heights, for
providing us with a truck big enough to fit our elf friend.

We told you our surprise was "big."

Girl Scout troop 20134 with a sweet float.

Our very good friend, Debo the Clown.

It wouldn't be a parade, without Fireman Frankie.

Waiting on the big guy.

There he is.

It's Santa!

*Don't forget, you can click on the pictures for the
full sized version.

Honestly, it was such a fun day.

We are so happy that New Kensington allowed us to be
a part of this great tradition.

It snowed, but wasn't too cold.

The people that gathered along the parade route, seemed
to be having such a great time.
(Especially those on Fifth Ave., they were really into it.)

Thanks again to all the people that cheered and waved
to us. Thanks also, to the young boys that made fun of
our homemade Santa style beard.
(It must have been karma, that made sure we ran out of delicious
candy right before we got to where you stood.)

Video will be finished soon.

We promise.

Also, if you missed yesterday's entry.
We are conducting a sweet giveaway contest.

Read about it HERE.