Friday, April 29, 2011

We, Live In The Newk

This is one of our best videos.

We are quite proud of it.


Come to think of it...

The will be another parade like that one coming up soon we think.

We'll tweet the deets asap.

Have a great weekend.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Newk Dudes Are Baller

This week is our 2 year anniversary.

We were posting some of our old favorites.

The only thing able to stop this nostalgic trip down
mammary lane, is an email from our good pal,
Frank the Stank.

Get cozy, and enjoy...

Yo newk! this your your boy frank the stank. I seen that you was havin an annusversary of 2 years. and i wanted to send an email and say that you newk dudes are baller! i feel like i been reading dis for like mad years. not just 2. Im thinkin like 7 years or sumpthin. but i beleive you when you say its only been the 2. oh snap..... turrible twos! Stuffs about to get real interestting around here huh. I remember when i turned 2. my mom got all pissed at me and my brother 'tommy two times' cause we was watchin fat albert and was all...... hey hey heeeeeeyyyyyy. Like a bunch of times real loud and stuff. she was mad heated. i miss being 2. alright later.
frank the stank

With each email, our fondness for young Francis grows like
a virgin wiener at the nudie club.

And the more we learn of his fascinating life, the more
we crave.

We may have a problem here.

Turrible Twos!!!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Looking Back (06/30/09)

Today we look back at a classic post about
Community Days.

It has pictures.
It has food.
It has local legends.

It's really one of our favorites.

Here is the link...

Community Daze


Tonight is game 7.

It's go time, Pens.

Do it.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Feels Like Yesterday

Welcome To theNEWK!

This is your one stop interweb place for all things concerning the
New Kensington, Pa. and surrounding areas.

We will have everything from restaurant reviews to
local events and personalities.

Check back daily and don't forget to tell your friends.


That was our very first post, just a short 2 years ago today.

That's right kids... it's our 2 year anniversary!


What did you get us???

We bet it's something totally awesome...

Like a bunch of porn or a case of PBR Light, huh?

But it's cool if you didn't get us anything.

Most of you didn't even know until right now anyways.

Now, as we looked back, and reposted our first ever entry, we
thought about how great that first post was.

Seriously, go back and read it again.

If you were one of the lucky 2 people that actually clicked on
our site that day, you would have know immediately that over the
next two years, some of the greatest internet literary works would
fly from our well groomed fingertips.

So here's our plan for the this week...

Other than filling you in on the goings-ons around the Newk, we will
take you back to some of our most favorite pieces.

It will be a ride like no other, so buckle up, and hang on to
your nipples.

Now, knowing us, we will likely just post past articles and nothing new.

Because we look for any excuse to take a little time off from this site.

Don't get us wrong, we love doing it.

(We also love "doing it," you know... in the perverted sense.)

If we didn't have this site, we would probably have too much time
on our hands, and be forced to do things such as...

Donate time to charities.
Go to the gym.
Visit more with our families.
Travel this great country.

So thank jeebus we have this site, eh?

We kid, we kid.

Now tell us how great we are, and what a difference we've made
in your life.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Random Picture Monday (04-25-11)

The Viaduct is looking good these days.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Happy Easter/Passover

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Our Stance

Yesterday, we posted a video of one of the greatest tragedies
this universe has ever seen.

And we challenged you to come up with a better topic.

And we actually got an answer.

Who' da thunk it?

Top 10 Reader Ed thinks we should cover the number of
political signs all over our fair burg.

We didn't like the sound of that, for one big reason...

We try not to get political around here.

You be surprised at the number of times people running for
some type of local office asked for our backing.

But we learned long ago, that politics as a topic, is not something
we want to get our dainty little hands wrapped up in.

Nothing good comes from it.

Especially when booze is involved.

And with us... booze is always involved.

We then stepped back, and thought for a second.

(We try not to think very often, so this is a special time for all of us.)

We figured that items all over this town, even if they are
politically based, can be bitched about.

Cause we have nothing against doing a little bit of bitching.

In fact, it's one of our favorite things to do.

And here it is...

Take the signs down, cause they are bothering
Top 10 Reader Ed.

So now that we've got that cleared up, what is the real deal
with those signs?

Is there a certain amount you can put up?
Do they have to be so far from the others?
(What's to stop people from putting theirs right in front of another?)
How much do they cost?
Can we vote "None Of The Above?"

Damn, we loved Brewster's Millions.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

I Was Skay'd!

We have all heard of the terrible tornadoes that have
been wreaking havoc around the nation.

Many stories of woe and hardship fill the news every time
we turn the boob-tube on.

But this man's story tugged at every heart-string
we have in our collective bodies.

Get your tissues ready...


Before you send us a bunch of angry emails about this story
not being about the Newk...

Be sure to add in that email what we should have talked
about in this hump day post.

Smarty Pants.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Stand By Your Man

Our weather man, Nic Cage, was in the news this
past weekend.

Unfortunately, the news wasn't all sunshine and

Seems he got into a little trouble.

As you may have realized, it's been quite a while since
he gave us a weather report.

Reason being, he is filming a movie in New Orleans.

We have missed him being around the office.

And even though Nic spent a night in the pokey this past weekend,
we plan on standing by our man.

Let's face it, nobody brings us a better weather report.

And nobody, well... maybe one of our other favorites, James Brown,
takes a better mug shot.

See you soon, Nic.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Random Picture Monday (04-18-11)

Yep, Glen's in the LBC is open for business.

Save us a chocolate cone with the chocolate jimmies.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Do It.

Pens are up 1-0

They play tonight.

Do it.


Plum is at it again...

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Testicle Difficulties

We are currently having technical issues around here.

That's right, smartass...

Blogs can have technical issues.

We hope to be back to being awesome very soon.

Who are we kidding?

We're still awesome.

It's this lame internet that sucks.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Newker Going Bigtime

We have made many great friends since doing this site.

Some of which have had a large impact on who we are, and
what we do.

One of those people is DJ Frankie.

So when he told us that he booked a gig at one of the hottest
spots in Pittsburgh, we just had to share with all of you.

Get your booty down there, and shake that thang.

Good luck, Frankie.

We will do what we can to stop in and say "what up."

Check out Frankie's facebook page.


J-Dub will save you a dance.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011


As we sat at the Arby's drive-thru this past Friday, we were
surprised to see the KFC was all boarded up.

When the hell did this happen?

It's not as if we've been there lately, as we can't stand places
with terrible parking lots.

Seriously, they could sell the greatest thing ever, at the best
price offered... but if the parking sucks, we ain't going.

And the KFC had maybe the worst parking lot in all of the Newk.

It was really awful.

But, they did have some yummy chicken pot-pies.

And speaking of decent fastfood, we decided to try the fish
sandwiches at Wendy's and Arby's this past Friday.

We declared Arby's the winner.

So congrats to them.

Sorry if we just made you hungry for fried chicken, and you
can't run down the street to pick some up.

But here's some interesting news...

There is Popeyes Chicken in Monroeville.

We've never tried it.

Have you?

Monday, April 11, 2011

Random Picture Monday (04-11-11)

We wonder if Mr. Hawk still schools suckas on the ping pong table?

Friday, April 8, 2011

Ernie Pontieri: Super Human

We don't consider this post a day late.

We consider it epic.


Have a great weekend, Newkers.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Droppin' Off Some Timber

This past November, some jagoff pieces of trash burned
the bathrooms at Memorial Park to the ground.

Who knows what type of satisfaction someone receives from
destroying something as noble as a public toilet, but whatev.

They did it, and as a community, we must move forward.

And by moving forward, we are talking about building some
new dumpers.

And that's exactly what is going to happen.

And they want to make it happen by Memorial Day.

That's perfect timing, cause we've been drinking a bit, and
are gonna have to drop a wicked whiz by then.

Nice thing is, these new restrooms will be more environmentally
friendly, and handicap accessible.

As of right now, they got some porta-johns set up for the people
using the park these days.

Which will do in a pinch.

But we like to stretch out a little and get comfy when we pinch.

Especially when there's nice natural light coming from frosted
glass upper walls.

The women's side will feature 4 toilets, and the gents will
get 2 crappers and 2 urinals.

Both sides will feature baby changing tables.

Now don't worry about your taxes fronting the costs...

as insurance will be covering it.

Just talking about going to the bathroom is making us feel like
we have a bat in the cave.

It's time to wrap this up.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Lotsa Peepers

Another day, another milestone.

At some point yesterday, we went over 50,000 hits.

That's a rather large deal for us.

We can remember being blown away when we hit 500.

We knew that half of those were from our mothers, and various
other family members that we forced to read this drivel.

The fact that we continue getting new readers not only humbles
us, it makes us feel like the sexiest mo-fo's in the 724.

Now, there may have been news for us to talk about today.

But we decided to toot our own horns.

Does "toot your own horn" mean masturbation?

Cause if so, that's totally what we meant to say.

Anyways, feel free to congratulate us, and tell us how
awesome we are.

Our egos could use some stroking...

just like "our horns."

Editor's Note:
The picture to begin this post is only there because we google-imaged
"50k," and that was one of the pictures that popped up.

We dug it.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Penny Lane

The Tarentum bridge will be a little tougher to cross for the
next couple of days.

Some crews will be inspecting it for one reason or another.

They may be a group of scientists that want to study how
fast people can get annoyed by sitting in traffic?

This would make sense to us.

As the alternating 1-lane of traffic from 9am-3pm may cause
a few Newkers to go batty.

Just thought we'd give you a head's up
on this developing situation.

And in the off chance you already knew about this tasty
nugget of local knowledge, here's a video of ours...

Monday, April 4, 2011

Random Picture Monday (04-04-11)



50k today?

Friday, April 1, 2011

FTS Friday

Is there a better way to celebrate the start of the weekend that's better than a good email from Frank the Stank?

We think not.

Yo newk dudes
I was readin yesterdays post about the water billz and it started me thinkin. it didn't start me thinkin anything in porticular but it did make me think. so thanks for that. then the other day I made ham bbqs and I was eating them all sloppy like and it was all over my cheeks. the ones on my face you know. I love ham bbqs. I can't wait to cook out soon. summer is the best.

much loves
frank the stank


Have a great weekend friends.

Most of all you, Frank.