Thursday, September 29, 2011

Cats Be Trippin

With each letter we receive from our man Frank the Stank, it makes us never want to stop doing this site...


Yo newk dudes. I was readin your thing yesteday about the cats and I know what u mean. cats be trippin. strait up though. I think sometime you just be sittin there just watching doogies howser and a cat just strait up be attackin yo toes. they just come flying out the kitchen like yo feets was talkin bout they mama. claws all going gi Joe ninja on you. cats is jacked up. acting all sketchy and stuff. so maybe that kitty aint had no rabies. maybe it was just having a bad day.

keepin it real
frank the stank


You know, he may actually be on to something there.

Keep it real.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

What's New Pussycat?

Bad news (bears) coming out of the local animal shelter scene.

It seems a kitten may have the rabies infection.

This kitten was brought to the shelter a little while ago, after what
appeared to be an attack.

They think a raccoon may have gotten to her.

And we all know that those Newk raccoons are some scary bastards.

And it's likely this one had the rabies.

So anyways, a male volunteer went to clean out the living quarters
of the kitten, when he was bitten several times.

And from what we hear, rabies shots totally suck.

So we wish this noble citizen the best of luck.


Little known fact:

Raccoons bark.

Seriously, there was one on our porch one time, and it started barking
at us as we approached it.

He was a stubborn dude, and wouldn't allow us to pass.

Much like the black knight.

(It's just a flesh wound.)

Lucky for us, we decided to skip our lunchtime apple, so we had
something to chuck at him.

Not really thinking of the possibility that we were giving him even
more reason to be an angry squatter, by providing him a
delicious snack.

We threw the golden delicious much like we did when we pitched for
the Eagles in little league.

And just like then, our accuracy was much better in our head, than
it was on the field.

Luckily, the raccoon did not want to wait for us to throw ball 2, and
scurried his barking ass out of there.

Thank goodness we weren't prairie doggin' it that night, as it was
quite the intense standoff.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

The Clarks Are Coming


The Clarks are coming to the Newk.

That's right, kids.

The Pittsburgh based rock band is gonna melt faces at the
Penn Ken Fall Festival this Saturday.

(We aren't sure why the dude in red is standing like that, but whatevs.)

They aren't the only attraction, just the best (in our opinion).

Seriously though, no offense to the:
- Car Cruise from 11am - 2pm
- Bed Races from 11am - 3pm
- Ibeji Drum Ensemble will perform African Music in the upper lot @ 2pm
- Craft and Food Vendors all day in the upper lot (funnel cakes, haluski,
pulled pork, brisket and many other yummies)
- (band) Bishop Clay will take the stage at 4pm
- And The Clarks will rock out at 5

There are many other things to do there, so grab the kids and
head on up to Upper Burrell.

Everything, especially the Bed Races, are sure to be a great time.

We are sad that we didn't get a bed racing team together
for this
year's festival. You can bet we'll be ready next year.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Random Picture Monday (09-26-11)

Friday, September 23, 2011

Vacation Week (2011 - Friday)

Wow, that week went quick!

J-Dub had a blast.

Thanks for checking back daily, we appreciate your continued

You may be asking yourself...

"Did J-Dub really travel all that way just to go to a grocery and
get beer?"

The answer is a simple one...

Damn right he did.

Cause that's what little macks do.

We'll be back live next week.

(You are so excited for that, you should go change your panties.)

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Vacation Week (2011 - Thursday)

J-Dub hits all the hot spots, such as the greatest supermarket
in the world...


Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Vacation Week (2011 - Wednesday)

J-Dub gets around like Uncle Traveling Matt from Fraggle Rock.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Vacation Week (2011 - Tuesday)

J-Dub had to drop a hot one, so we made a stop for the
big guy.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Random Picture Monday (09-19-11)

It's vacation week here at

Follow along with J-Dub all this week, for much relaxation action!

Friday, September 16, 2011

Take A MomentTake A Moment

It doesn't take long to tell/show someone that you love em.

We suggest you give them a hug/call/thanks for being there for you.

Yeah yeah...we know...

We sound like saps today.

But there ain't nothing going on around here.

So...get over it.

And have a good weekend.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Dear J-Dub (#01)

Today we are starting a new segment.

It's called: Dear J-Dub

It goes like this...

You send a question via email to

We forward it to J-Dub.

He answers it, and sends it back.

We post it for everyone to read.


Here is the first ever Dear J-Dub...

Hey J-Dub,
There is a hot chick that goes to the bar I hang out at on Saturdays. I know you get tons of attention from the ladies. So what can I do to get her to dig me?

Thanks in advance,

Dearest Josh,

You have come to the right person my friend. The ladies LOVE J-Dub.I'd be glad to help a brother in need...First off, pay close attention to her drink of choice. When she gets close to needing a refill, buy your favorite shot and one of whatever the lovely lady is drinking... Secondly, drink your shot (a little liquid encouragement never hurts) and walk her drink over to her. Any schmo can send a drink over to a lady using the bartender. You never wanna lose an opportunity for verbal interaction. Initiating the conversation is truely half the battle... Now comes the chance to test your game. Remember, be calm, be smooth. It's all about having confidence...If your game is half as good as mine, you'll be hittin Sheetz for a box of Magnums in no time...good luck and let me know how it turns out.

The Little Mack Daddy,

Do you have a question for J-Dub?

If so, send it to

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Heights Is Low


Brackenridge Country Club, was the site of many a
high school golf match, as well as a few drunken late nights
later in our lives.

It was a nice club.

It had a golf course (only 9 holes), a pool, and a nice clubhouse/
bar and restaurant.

Sadly, over the past few years, it wasn't getting the needed memberships
to keep afloat.

And is 2010, it shut it's doors for good.

Now it's owned by First Commonwealth for the low low price
of just $1825.80.

Not too shaby for 65 acres of prime real estate.

The fact is, over $900k is owed to First Commonwealth, and they
are hoping to get that amount back.

The club was recently listed for $2.1 mil.

We hope someone buys it and does something good with it.

There are talks of housing/restaurants/grocery store/a bank/various
businesses and a convenience store.

Sounds pretty dope to us.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Yo I Loves That Song

Its be a while.

Its been a long long while.

Since we have heard from our boy Frank the Stank.

So you could imagine our delight last night when we read this...

Yo newk dudes
that picture you posted yestreday of under the bridge yeah that was bad ass fer sure. then you finished it off with the red hot chilli peppers lyrycs .. you all had me singin yo .. under the bridge down where i drew sum blood. Yo i loves that song. it reminds me of when i was young and people wasnt all highstrung and stuff. you know. people these days are in such a big hurrry to get places. it drive s me crazy. loco you know? oh snap that reminds me of another decent song... insane in the memmbrane.. insane in da brain!
peace and chicken grease-
frank the stank

We are setting the over/under on how many PBR's Frank had before he
wrote that email at 9.

Place your bets.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Random Picture Monday (09-12-11)

"Is where I drew some blood..."

Friday, September 9, 2011

Just A Couple Things Just A Couple Things

First thing this Friday, is we are not selling the I Heart Biff shirts at this time.

A few things have changed around here, and it will only be temporary.

If it is a life or death t-shirt situation...please just email us at

The second thing we were gonna do today, is post a local video.

We then decided against it.

We then considered your feelings, knowing that we are withholding sweet internetty goodness, we decided to at least tell you what to search for on the youtubes.

Just type in "who pooped in the parking lot."

But be warned...

What is seen, can never be unseen.

(and smelled)

Thursday, September 8, 2011

We're Trashed We're Trashed

Here's a little heads up for you all...

Garbage pickup is not tomorrow (remember? the holiday that rained all day?), its Saturday.

We are just looking out for our people.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Tragic Ending

We saw early reports yesterday of a fatal 1 car accident near Linden Ave (by the animal shelter).

It's not a spot where many accidents happen, so it took a while to process it.

But it seems a 54 year old Upper Burrell resident lost control of his 77 pickup truck and flew off the road and flipped into a bunch of trees.

Uprooting 3 of them.

Mark Benzenhoefer was pronounced dead at the scene, likely due to blunt trauma.

With no braking marks to be seen, and no witnesses, determining what went wrong could be quite difficult.

They did take blood samples to see if drugs or alcohol played a role in the accident.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Dirty Detergent

If you've ever crossed the Hulton bridge (connecting Oakmont
and Harmarville) on a hot day, you've likely got one of the worst
whiffs of doo-doo smell that you've ever come across.

The poo plant on the Harmar side, is usually boiling away over there,
and the smell will change the way you view the world.

A couple days ago, they spilled 2600 gallons of a industrial
strength concentrated detergent in the Allegheny.

It looked like a bunch of white foam creeping down the banks.

Turns out, this stuff causes irritations in humans, and is toxic to
aquatic animals.

And it looks as though about 30 fish so far have lost their lives due
to this accident.

With more likely on the way.

The stuff is highly diluted by the river water (especially after all the
damn rain yesterday).

But swimmers and boaters are still urged to steer clear of its path for a
few more days.

Which doesn't sound like a tough request with this forecast.

Too bad the detergent didn't smell like Downy April Fresh, cause the
stinky bridge sure could have used it.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Random Picture Monday (09-05-11)

Photo and caption courtesy of Top 10 Reader Ed.

Thanks, Pal.

Happy Labor Day everyone!