Friday, October 29, 2010

Please, Be Careful Out There

No, we aren't just telling you not to drink and drive,
or to look both ways before crossing the street in
your J-Dub costume.

We are talking about zombies.

And not just the Newk zombies you may see at
the Sheetz
in the middle of the night.

But real, actual zombies.

Our friend "waynet" wrote a great piece on the proper
methods to rid yourself of a zombie attack.

We suggest you take notes.

Zombie Survival: How To Kill A Zombie

Zombies are them troublesome dead walkers that just get in the way of a good night out, they either want to eat your brains or have a quick nibble on your nuts, they are usually slow creatures that are easy to outrun, but in high numbers and in confined spaces they can be fatal, this is a guide of sorts on how to kill a zombie, it is common sense people so in the event of a zombie holocaust it is advisable that you take the necessary precautions against these undead deadites.

First and foremost, when you shoot a gun try and aim for the head shot, because in too many films have I seen some rather dumb people just waste valuable ammo shooting the zombies shoulders and chest, one head shot seems to do it and if you can't shoot straight, it's best to go to a shooting range to practice your gun skills, because if you don't you will probably be that bad at shooting a gun, you will pop a cap in some poor bastards arse who may not be a zombie and that would be bad.

Sharpen them machetes up, so that when the time comes you can have yourselves a zombie decapitation spree in the local shopping mall whilst doing the shopping, could be a bit of entertainment, as severing the head from the body is also a way to go for killing a zombie, the brain seems to be the main force driving these deadly rotting creatures.

Other ways you may not have thought of:

Liquid nitrogen
Could be a good alternative when thrown on the head, be careful not to get any of it on your hands and genitals as they will be as cold as a snowmans balls, liquid nitrogen may not be a common substance so a bit of carefully controlled fire in a confined room could do the trick, as always though aim for the head, try and destroy that brain as they are really quite thick anyway - don't let Bub fool you by flicking through a book and loading a gun like in the original Day Of The Dead.

Knives and other stabbing weapons
Aim for the brain, you could get to it through the eyes, the nose or the mouth or even the ears.

If the zombies are the fast running kind that is actually quite disrepectful to classic zombies, then you may get eaten, so stock up on guns to take them all down with a head shot, you may want to do this sniper style from the roof of a building, particularly if you want to gain access to a casino or cinema for a little entertainment and popcorn.

Household Furniture and other stuff
Around the house there may be just the thing for killing a zombie right under your nose, so prepare in advance, a chair for instance can be broken and made into a weapon to fend of those dirty zombie ho's, or a glass vase smashed over the head may just dig in the zombies brain and make them die....yeahhh kill the zombies!!

There may be other inventive ways to kill zombies with grenades or by lighting your own farts on them, but whatever you choose, make it count, before they over run the world and form political parties of their own and run for president and prime minister of all countries and they make us pay taxes and make us watch reality TV....oh no I've just realized it's worse than I thought, they are already here....reality TV is at an all time high...we will become zombies soon....noooooooooooooooo!

You are all properly prepared for a fun filled weekend of
costumed debauchery.

Don't forget to take pictures of hot chicks in skimpy
outfits, and email them to

And if there are any of you still on the fence about being J-Dub
for Halloween this year, just do it.

He may not be "pop culture" yet, but he soon will be.

As we plan on taking over the world, blog by blog.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Fire And Nice

It's been a little too long since we've seen a bunch of new
pictures from our good friend David Cooper.

See, he's been pretty busy doing all sorts of weddings and
things for the people that read this site.

This makes us very happy, as he is awesome, and so
are all of you.

Be sure to check out his site, and contact him for any of your
photographic needs/wants.

Anyways, about a week ago, we got an email from DC.

To say we were excited would be an understatement.

He just finished shooting a Newker's wedding, when he
caught wind of a 3 home fire on Kenneth Ave.

The firemen had battled this fire for 6 hours before David
even showed up to take these shots.

Turning tragedy into art, just amazes us.

Well done, firemen.
Well done, David.
Well done steak (is terrible).

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The Girlscouts Want Your Blood

That's right.

Troop 20134 is holding a blood drive.

Those gals never cease to amaze us.

So anyways, here are the particulars...

Girl Scout Blood Drive
October 30, 2010 from 10 a.m. to 3:00 p.m.
East Kensington Community Circle (E.K.C.C.)
Corner of 7th Street and Powers Drive, New Kensington

And the best part is everyone that donates, gets 2 free
movie passes to Southpike Cinemas!

Did you hear that?

Not only will you be helping possibly save a life, you will
get to go to the movies for free.

Pretty awesome, we know.

So please, stop by this Saturday if you can.

Please contact Sarah Yurga at 724-339-0135 or
to schedule an appointment, or register at

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Newker Halloween Ideas #3

We gave you a few ideas for sweet Halloween costumes
just last week.


and Here:

Now, this costume has a deep meaning to us.

It's a costume, that if we saw someone actually wearing,
we would straight flip our wigs.

Seriously, if one of you decide to rock this outfit to whichever
Halloween party you go to, please send us pictures.

We will post em everyday for a month.

We included 2 photos for your design plans.





It's J-Dub, Sucka!


OMG, please be him this year.

It won't be as funny if one of us do it.

So you totally should.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Random Picture Monday (10-25-10)

Kenneth Ave. fire shot, by the David Cooper.

Friday, October 22, 2010


Rest in peace, Sgt. Marcy.

Have a good weekend, everyone.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

The Big Reveal

So yesterday, we started a new game.

It's called...

Guess The Next Picture

(Title is both flashy and catchy, eh?)

So yeah, here was yesterday's picture, for those of
you non-daily readers.

Nice, right?

Now, we are assuming that many of you made great
guesses as to what the next picture would be.

We would actually know, but this post was written two
days ago.

Yeah, we roll that way sometimes.

So here is the next picture...




What what!

It's J-Dub, on the scale.

He's a total rebel.

Did you guess it correctly?

Let us know what you thought of the game, huh?

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Taking The High Road

We would have loved to bitch about some personal
crap on the site today, but, we are choosing
to take the high road.

It's how we roll.

So anyways.

We want to play a game.

It's called...

Guess The Next Picture

It's an awesome game.

As you will soon enough see.

We were going to explain how it works, like all in detail
and stuff.

But the name pretty much does all the explaining
that needs to be done.

Here is today's image...

So go ahead, and take a guess what tomorrow's picture
will be.

Do it here, or on our facebook page.

No, you don't win anything.

As we could easily cheat, and tell our friends the answer.

It just sounds like fun, right?

Do it.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

We're Doing Laps

We have no time to write anything today, as we plan
on doing lap after lap around the Parnassus triangle.

It's a celebration.

Some may call it victory laps.

Whatever you call it, we are gonna do it.

We also plan to stop at the House of 1000 Beers every
10 laps, and grab a delicious draft.

(We might even try one of those gluttonous no bun chicken and
bacon sandwich things from the KFC.)

Don't worry, we have a designated driver.

You may be saying to yourself...

"Self, the road has been open a couple weeks now.
So why
are they doing this today?"

We don't have an answer for that.

Well, other than the fact that we like drinking beer.


Monday, October 18, 2010

Random Picture Monday (10-18-10)

Drey st. C & B's.

So yeah, it's censored.

Cause it's a bit raunchy.

We personally don't have a problem with it.

But some of you might.

See, we are artists.

We appreciate the fact that artists should have free

We are not condoning bad behavior.

We just admire from afar.

Thanks to our friend for sending us this picture.

Uncensored image below...







Friday, October 15, 2010

Newker Halloween Ideas #2

Yesterday we started a series of posts about some
ideas we had for Halloween costumes.

You can take what you want from these suggestions.

Not that we think our ideas are amazing, but they are.

This next pick, is one of the greatest characters
in American cinema.

And you thought we weren't cultured.

Shame on you.

Back to the costume.

This outfit wouldn't really take much to put together.

An orange tank-top, some matching orange shorts, and
maybe a white robe.

Wanna take a guess who we're talking about?

We hope you guess fast, cause we're gonna tell you
in the next sentence.

It's... Thornton Mellon!

That's right, we are taking you Back To School.

The Triple Lindy is no joke.

This next commercial reminds us of the Ben's High and Wide,
back in the day on Fifth.

Seriously, if any of you dress as Thornton, and you don't
send us a picture, we will hunt you down and channel
the spirit of Sam Kinison as the professor, and rip
you a new one.

Now go practice your armpit farts.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Newker Halloween Ideas #1

Picking out a great Halloween costume is always a
difficult task.

So we plan on helping you out a little bit.

In a short series of posts, we will provide some of this
years top choices.

Who is first?

You guessed it (or you didn't)...

Antoine Dodson

You may be asking yourself,
"Who the hell is Antoine Dodson?"

If so, just check out these videos.
(You really should watch them. It will make your day.)

Some genius then made this song.
(Must Watch)

Stay tuned for more great Halloween ideas from your
friends here at

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

It's Not All Roses

That's right folks.

It's not all roses around here at

Just take a look at this email we got this past Saturday...


Why don't you post on the weekends? It really pissed me off.


That might be the single greatest email we have ever received.


Ask our friends.

We told them all about it.

Like, we actually called people, and told them.

We totally think Rich had this kinda face on, when he
typed out this classic email.

Thanks, Rich.

Your anger, made us smile.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

We Came, We Walked, We Took J-Dub Along

We got to the American Heart Association Walk just before
9:30am this past Sunday, and a good crowd had
already started to gather.

And right off the bat, we knew it was gonna be a great day.

How couldn't it be, when there is a minivan with Jonas Brother
graphics all over it?


The event started at beautiful Heinz Field.

J-Dub, being a huge Steelers fan, was in his glory.

This next picture, aside from being a work of art/Art, is
one of our favorites for a couple reasons.


How awesome is Mr. Rooney & J-Dub?

Do we even need to list our reasons?


And you know how much we love our lists.

Now, we told J-Dub, that you fine folks didn't want to look
at a bunch of pictures of him in front of Steeler stuff.

But he insisted.

And when J-Dub insists, you do as you're told.

(He is totally in Franco's Italian Army)

Another thing he is a fan of, is free schwag.

Especially free frisbees.

(And camel toe.)

He decided not to climb the rock wall, but rarely passes up
a chance to pose next to phallic objects.

He grabbed a front row spot for a performance by the youth
rock group "Intermission."

J-Dub is a huge fan of balloon boy.

(His escort is not, and had a mini panic-attack when setting
up this shot.)

This St. Bernard puppy was part of our walking team.

(J-Dub is afraid of dogs.)

But he is not afraid of free cookies.

Thanks again to Chelsea Bakes! for the awesome basket.

It was filled with:
Oatkin Raisin Cookies (Oatmeal/Pumpkin/Raisin)
Yeah, they are amazing.
Mini Lemon Poppy Seed Cupcakes
Nut Rolls

Everything was a hit.

Thanks again to Chelsea for donating these great snacks.

Check out her website HERE.

Now, after a nice 5k walk to support the American Heart
Association, is there any better way to celebrate than to
have a delicious, yet healthy lunch?

We think not.

So we let J-Dub decide where to eat.

And he said...

"A good 5k deserves some good 5 Guys."

Who are we to argue with that kind of logic?

So from all of us here at

We say thank you for your support!

And no, there were no leftovers...

Monday, October 11, 2010

Random Picture Monday (10-11-10)

The road... is open.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Too Much?

If you are reading this, it means we had too much fun during the Penguins season opener last night.

Sure, they lost.


We'll get em next game.

Check back later, as we might actually wake up and write something real.

Or... maybe we won't.

If that's the case...

Have a good weekend!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Out Of Africa,,,

and into our backyard.

You have no idea what we're talking about, huh?

Well listen up.

Actually, don't listen.

Just read this email...

Love love LOVE your blog.
Just want you to know of an upcoming event at the Valley High School Auditorium...

African's Children Choir
7 pm October 13, 2010
hosted by The River-A Community Church
The concert is FREE. For more info call 724-337-4837

This group of children from Africa were here last year, but the concert was held in the church itself on Freeport Road. There wasn't enough room for them to perform along with all the people who attended.
This year, it is going to be at VHS auditorium.
Families in the church have the children stay in their homes while they are here performing.
Hope you can attend.

What an awesome sounding event.

We will do everything we can to make it.

And hopefully, some folks reading this will go as well.

Thanks for telling us about this!

And thanks for love love loving our site.
That means a lot.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Wine Country - Newk Style

The events have been rolling in.

But before we get to the particulars, we'd like to tell you
why we support this event.

This wine tasting we are going to tell you about, benefits the
People's Library.

Ah, the People's Library.

Many hours of our childhood were spent in this building.

We entered a chess tournament when we were 7ish.
(Don't call us nerds... chess is badass.)

We sat on the steps in the kids section, reading
Where The Wild Things Are.
(So what if we were 25 when we did it. That book was good.)

We did hours of research for our senior paper on sharks.
(Okay, maybe it was more 'hour' than 'hours.')

We remember signing in for the bathroom key, and being
handed a 2x4 with a key attached to it.
(We attempted, and completed a 2-point conversion.)

We have many other memories of the library.

Sadly, we ran out of jokes.

Moving on.

We were informed of a wine tasting taking place at the
People's Library on Barnes St.

Here is the info...

Peoples Library
Adventure with Wine

Tuesday, October 19th
Peoples Library ~ 880 Barnes Street ~ New Kensington

Tickets are $30 each with all proceeds benefiting Peoples Library.
Visit us at to register.
Or stop by our New Kensington or Lower Burrell locations.
Deadline to register is Monday, October 11th.

Come try 5 different wines!

Accompanied by delicious appetizers provided by Hofstott's.


Word up!

Hurry up and register.

Time stands still for no man.

And you might not get any wine, if we get there first.
So be on time.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

It's Our Lucky Tuesday

Whenever we get a great email, we always get
happy and tell you all about it.

Whenever we get a great email that includes a picture...

We get down right ecstatic.

Ya'll ready for this?

Hello guys and/or girls whatever you may be. I just wanted to take a moment and let you know that I love theNEWK. I read it almost every day, and it's pretty damn hilarious. I just become a "NEWKER" earlier this year, and I appreciate that a site like this is out there. So thanks and Keep it up!!!

The main reason I wanted to contact you was to let you know my favorite part about new ken growing up, and even today. I uploaded a picture for you. Please take a look.

What I like about New Ken the most is, trying to guess from year to year what color this house will be next. You know, the house on Carl. Every time I cross the bridge into our territory I glance over at this house, WHO LIVES HERE? When I decide to stop at both auto parts stores, i make sure I sneak a peak. HOW MANY COLORS CAN YOU REMEMBER IT BEING? Everytime I take a short cut to get to burrell (why do I even go there, I should have boycotted when Hills hit the bricks.) I rubber neck it up. PLEASE TELL ME YOU KNOW THIS HOUSE!

Anyways, I thought you folks would appreciate this! Thanks again for everything

Ana K.

Thank you, Ana.

You made our day.

Truth be told, this house wasn't familiar to us.

And we have no idea what their inspiration is to change the color
of it so often.

So we ask you, the reader of this fine site, to drop a little
local knowledge on us.

Do it here, or on facebook.


Just do it.


And we posted last Friday about a great cause that we are
participating in this Sunday.

We could really use a couple donations.

It's for the American Heart Association, and it's totally legit.

Here is a link to our post on Friday.

Here is a direct link to the donation page for our
team leader Mandy.

Just so you are aware, there is a $25 minimum donation.

We know, it's a lot of cabbage.

But this is a great cause, and we need your help.

Thank you very much!

Monday, October 4, 2010

Random Picture Monday (10-04-10)

Blue skies over Sheetz.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Post #400 Is An Important One

It seems like yesterday that we made our first post
on this little site.

Thousands of page views, and nearly 1200 facebook
fans later, our mothers couldn't be any more proud.

It's been quite the ride.

But enough patting ourselves on the back.

(We rather have you pat us on our back-side.)

You know what we're saying?
Hubba hubba.

Anyways, we need some help.

Every now and again, a friend of ours does something
so righteous, noble, giving, selfless, and awesome...
that we feel the need to support them in any
way we possibly can.

This is one of those times.

Our friend Mandy has put together a team of walkers
(us included), that will be doing a 5k walk around Heinz
Field on Sunday Oct. 10th.

It benefits the American Heart Association.
Maybe you've heard of them?

We need as many donations as we can get.

Now, we have a goal, but we'd love to blow that thing
out of the friggin' water.

So please take a minute to click the following link and
check out the secure donation page.

You would make us oh so happy if you did.


You can make a donation right there!

It's really easy.

We promise to thank everyone that lets us know they donated.

And if we exceed our goal, we promise to take a bunch of rockin'
pictures at the walk, and post em' for your enjoyment.

Any questions, or to make a donation by check or cash,
just email us at

Well, we're waiting.


Have a great weekend, people.