We are deciding to pick a side in what seems to be the biggest story in a long time.
It's official:
We are against the new IOC rule that allows women beach volleyball players to wear more than just their classic teeny bikini.
We're outraged!
This is tragic news.
Not only are bikinis tradition (they've been worn since the sport was introduced to the Olympics in 1996), they are sexy.
Q: What happens when hot and sweaty women dive in the sand?
A: We don't consider changing the channel. Ever.
They claim that allowing women to wear sleeved shirts and shorts (no lower than 1.18 inches above the knee) will allow women from other countries to participate.
That's all well and good.
We are all for allowing everyone an opportunity for Olympic glory.
But seeing those Brazilian booties in what seem to be a shrunken version of the bottoms that the rest of the ladies wear, is the highlight of every fourth summer for us.
Whose with us?
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Did you think we were going to take a stance on the religious monument?
If so, you were wrong.
We are getting a kick out of how wound up people are getting over this.
Someone even planned a rally for today, but we hear the district asked them to postpone it.
Each year, when Valentine's Day approaches, we start dreaming of warmer weather, and all the great things we do with it.
Barbecuing. Golfing. Tailgating. Disc Golf. Swimming. Fishing. Drinking Cold Beer in a Tank-Top. etc...
As we sit here watching coverage of the PGA Pro-Am at Pebble Beach, we feel the itch to get out and "pound some rocks" on the range.
It's been too long since we sported a pair of khakis, and placed a few wagers on a round of golf.
Is there a better way to spend a sunny day than draining a 20 footer under pressure, and extending your hand to retrieve a few bucks from your duffing buddy? We think not.
But for now, since grass around here is covered with the white stuff.
We will tune in to coverage of Romo and Woods vs. Furyk and Rucker, and hope that it tides us over until we can get out there ourselves.
Hmmm...
Maybe a theNewk.com Golf Outing is in order this year.
With cooler temps allowing us to enjoying our days
without becoming too musty in our musty regions.
Our thoughts start to turn to football season.
C'mon people, is there any better way to spend a Friday
evening with friends and family than going out to support
your local high school football team?
Well, we can think of one, but we need a giant
stack of dollar bills for that place.
We are a little less than 2 weeks away from our season opener
@ home, vs. our biggest rival Burrell.
And we are pumped.
No matter how the Vikings are projected to finish, you should
have no problem getting pumped up for this game.
We remember back in our day (the mid 90's), the build up to
the Burrell game.
There was a good bit of nonsense leading up to the game.
We won't get into details, but sales of spray paint and
toilet paper would usually quadruple in the area.
We wonder what kids these days do to get ready for such a big game?
We will guess...
They will wear their pants below their asses, and take
a bunch of pictures of themselves in mirrors.
Tonight is the second annual All-Star Game down at Wolfpak Park in the LB.
It may not sound like a big deal to most of our readers.
But to these guys that play ball down there, play with all the passion you see in any big game.
And these men playing tonight are the supposed cream of the crop.
Now, we aren't totally sure on the times things are getting started.
But we assume we'll have someone involved tweet us the deets. (Because obviously...everyone, including softball players, reads this site daily. Duh.)
So round up the kids (they do have a great park down there), and head on down this evening, likely around 6:30 or so, and check out some free sporting action.
With the buccos getting screwed nightly, it's worth a shot.
Ugh.
Would meals just apologize already for jobbing us?
As we're ure you've already heard, the Lady Vikings of Valley High won the PIAA state AAA softball championship this past Friday evening in State College.
The 3-1 victory was the first championship for Valley.
It is a pretty big deal, we think.
Normally, news like this would be the main focus of our post.
But we pretty much suck at writing real news, but we're pretty good at stirring the pot.
So when the team got back to town, late that Friday night.
The local fire departments and police decided to give them an escort through the Newk.
As the sirens wailed, and the bright lights flashed, many residents dashed to thier window to see what was going on out there.
Was it a fire? Was it a riot? Was theNewk team getting into trouble again?
Many things raced through the heads of the folks that heard the ruckus.
We realized what it was, as we sat on our deck and had a celebratory PBR Light.
We clapped as they drove by.
We felt proud. We felt happy. We felt good. We felt drunk. (That wasn't our first PBR Light of the evening.)
We then posted about the entrance on facebook, where we ended up getting some mixed responses over the next day.
Mostly positive, but a few people weren't happy about it.
We made it rather clear how we felt about it.
We aren't saying we're right, and you're wrong.
But chances are that's the case.
As we've only been wrong once, and it was a doozy. But we won't get into that one.
Did you hear/see the arrival? What did you think about it?
Those are important questions.
But what's even more important is saying congratulations to the young ladies and coaches that left their blood, sweat, and tears on that field all season long.
So it's being tossed around by the New Ken/Arnold school board to charge sports players (as well as other extracurricular activities such as band and drama club) to participate.
Seems they are finding it hard to close a rather large gap in next years budget.
The gap?
Only 4.7 million dollars.
Wait, come again...
That's a rather large "gap."
Now, other than making people pay to play, they are considering these likely options:
- Turning the athletic director job into a part-time position, and cutting $50k in salary. - Eliminating 9th grade football and hoops. - All assistant coaches in basketball, track, and swimming. - Cheerleaders would have to cheer from home during most away games. - Cutting about 13 non-conference games.
Some of those options we like better than the others.
Being top-notch athletes, and dashingly handsome, the news of sports taking a hit like this, peeves us greatly.
We'll just have to go look in a mirror, and cheer up at the site of our gorgeous poonams.
So, just like most of you, we watched the Super Bowl this past Sunday night.
Ours hopes for another championship were as high as an eagle's ass.
We got together, shared beers and tons of yummy morsels.
We cheered. We laughed. We high-fived. We ate. We yelled at a pet bird that kept on chirping.
It was your quintessential Super Bowl party.
The only thing that was missing was a victory for our beloved Steelers.
But we lost.
So be it.
We are a proud group, we Steeler fans.
No doubt, victory would have been celebrated with great ferocity and complete joy.
But we lost.
So be it.
We lost with class.
We wouldn't trade these last two weeks for anything.
It was like the holidays all over again around here.
People smiled a little easier.
We shared a common goal.
And for that, we are thankful.
So, without further ado, here is our take on the Super Bowl.
It started out with a Pittsburgh native effing up our national anthem.
(The majority of us here would likely still schtoop her, if given the chance.)
We then got scored on a bunch, and things looked bleak.
Then the Black Eyed Peas to the stage at halftime, and things got even bleaker.
Ugh.
If you didn't already know, we loathe the Black Eyed Peas.
They stunk up the stage.
They only thing that could have saved the performance, would have been a wardrobe malfunction, where the Chavez one tore the breastplate off that Fergie dude.
We could seriously go on for days, but we'll spare you.
Until next week, when we're sure they'll do another performance for something, cause they don't seem to turn down any gig where they can make a buck, and dress like a-holes.
If Roger Goodell wasn't such a hardon, he would have booked our man Keenan Cahill to rock the joint.
Editor's Note: If you didn't watch that video, go back and do it now.
The Steelers started to play better.
We started getting our hopes up.
Then the best commercial of the night hit...
Our lives were changed forever.
That kid is epic.
So the game continued, and the Miller Lites kept on flowing.
We came close to having the biggest comeback victory in SB history, but we all know it wasn't meant to be.
The game ended.
We packed up some leftovers.
Then went home, and swore off Sportscenter for at least the next 8 days.
Even karaoke couldn't take away the pain we were going through.
It was one of only 15 times the Phil didn't see his shadow, and said we'd have an early spring.
The sun started shining, and everyone was happy.
Then the wind/cold/snow showed up, and tweeked us on our stiff nip-nips.
Back to the frigid reality about where we actually live.
Okay now we're really going to talk about the Steelers now.
Oh, before we do that.
We got an email yesterday.
From the same email address that Frank the Stank sends from.
But this author is named...
Edgar Allen Stank
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Yo newk.
I rwote a poem in honor of the super bowl. you should post it for your readers to enjoy.
in a couple days, will be the big game after that day, this town will never be the same
the steelers will crush, and hurt em with each hit i already hate cheeze, cause i really like to s#!t.
Do you get it? you kno cause cheese be pluggin you up. I be eatin lotsa lettuce to keep my stuff moving. Thats what the docs at the clinic be tellin me to do. they called it ruffage or something.
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That's a masterwork.
Not so much the poem, but the lesson on staying regular.
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Wait, come again... 
(The majority of us here would likely still schtoop her, if given 
If you didn't already know, we loathe the Black Eyed Peas.
Our lives were changed forever.
Even karaoke couldn't take away the pain we were
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