Friday, December 30, 2011

Best Of 2011 (Friday)

People really dug this post.

We aren't sure why.

But there have since been many requests for another round.

Answering Your Questions

Today, we plan on answering a few emails we've received recently.

We get a good bit of email, that resemble the forthcoming ones.

This is a nice way for us to clear up some common questions
every now and again.

Let's get this party started...

Dear theNewK,

I try and read your website every day. It really cracks me up. I just wanted to know why you do it?



Well, A.

This is a common question, that we have a simple answer to.

It's because we are proud of where we are from, and grew tired
of people (even it's own citizens) talking bad about it.

Some residents would lower their heads when asked where they
are from.

That does not make us happy.

So we decided to try and change the mindset of our fellow Newkers.

We have a lot to be proud of, but nobody seemed to be pointing
those things out.

So here we are.

Like us or hate us, we decided to try and change how this town/area
is perceived by the masses.

And we don't plan on stopping any time soon.

Hi Newk,

Who writes this site?

I think I know you.

Hello Jennifer.

This question finds its way to our inbox weekly.

We generally answer it by responding...

"We're Batman."

But today, we will answer this question for real.

It's time.

We've hidden for long enough.

We are not Batman, we are...

Michael Keaton.

Yo newk dudes
Whats the haps on the bday party you was talkin bout a little while back? you know ima be there.

frank the stank
What up, Frank?

So yeah, we are trying to get some stuff squared away
with the party planning committee.
(That we so lovingly call "The Spirit Fingers Gang.")

As soon as we have a date, place, reason... we will tell everyone
about it asap.

That concludes our email answering session for today.

Have a great Tuesday, friends.


Thursday, December 29, 2011

Best Of 2011 (Thursday) + Bonus

We covered one of the more memorable moments of
this past year...

And when you are done reading it.

Be sure to check out the important note at the bottom.

We Read It On The Twitter

I first heard of the death of Osama bin Laden as I
laid down to sleep on Sunday night around 11pm.

I noticed the twitter feeds were blowing up, even
more than usual.

People were talking about the president planning a late
evening speech, and the buzz was that of a possible big
announcement that we finally got to Osama.

Now, for most of that evening, I was watching the Phillies
take on the Mets in Philadelphia.

What I ended up missing was amazing...

Unreal stuff right there.

That would have been my preferred memory of this moment.

But I have Twitter.

So be it.


This morning I felt better than I had in a long time.

The drive to work is a blur.

My American Flag lapel pin shined like a new penny.

It was going to be a great day.

A day I would never forget.

And there aren't many of those types of days during a lifetime, and
I was looking forward to this one.

That was until I started reading about possible conspiracy
theories, and how people think they were being lied to.

This upset me greatly.

This is a time for our country to pull together and stand united.

But it felt more divided than usual.

I thought about going on a one man crusade to try and change the
minds of everyone that thought/felt differently than I did.

But that's not my job.

I actually feel as though I am going outside of my comfort zone, just
writing this much on the website that I contribute to.

So, before I do more harm than good, I will wrap this up.

I want to thank everyone involved in this successful mission.

I support our troops, and believe it when they say they got
their man.

The world is a better place today, and I am thankful to all involved.


Speaking of wrapping things up...

I think I'll buy some stock in Reynolds Wrap, as I can
hear all the foil hats being made around me.


From The Mayor's Office:

Garbage pickup for Friday, December 30, 2011 and January 6, 2012 will be picked up as scheduled in the City of New Kensington. There will be NO DELAY this week due to the Christmas and New Years Holidays. There will be NO RECYCLING, however, on January 2, 2012 for those residents with Monday pickup.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Best Of 2011 (Wednesday)

Today, we go back to just after the Steelers lost in the Super Bowl
to the Packers.

It's not a memory we enjoy reliving.

But it was a seriously good post.


Super Bowl Wasn't So Super

So, just like most of you, we watched the Super Bowl
this past Sunday night.

Ours hopes for another championship were as high
as an eagle's ass.

We got together, shared beers and tons of yummy morsels.

We cheered.
We laughed.
We high-fived.
We ate.
We yelled at a pet bird that kept on chirping.

It was your quintessential Super Bowl party.

The only thing that was missing was a victory for our
beloved Steelers.

But we lost.

So be it.

We are a proud group, we Steeler fans.

No doubt, victory would have been celebrated with great
ferocity and complete joy.

But we lost.

So be it.

We lost with class.

We wouldn't trade these last two weeks for anything.

It was like the holidays all over again around here.

People smiled a little easier.

We shared a common goal.

And for that, we are thankful.

So, without further ado, here is our take on the Super Bowl.

It started out with a Pittsburgh native effing up our
national anthem.

(The majority of us here would likely still schtoop her, if given
the chance.)

We then got scored on a bunch, and things looked bleak.

Then the Black Eyed Peas to the stage at halftime, and
things got even bleaker.


If you didn't already know, we loathe the Black Eyed Peas.

They stunk up the stage.

They only thing that could have saved the performance, would
have been a wardrobe malfunction, where the Chavez one
tore the breastplate off that Fergie dude.

We could seriously go on for days, but we'll spare you.

Until next week, when we're sure they'll do another performance
for something, cause they don't seem to turn down any gig
where they can make a buck, and dress like a-holes.

If Roger Goodell wasn't such a hardon, he would have booked
our man Keenan Cahill to rock the joint.

Editor's Note:
If you didn't watch that video, go back and do it now.

The Steelers started to play better.

We started getting our hopes up.

Then the best commercial of the night hit...

Our lives were changed forever.

That kid is epic.

So the game continued, and the Miller Lites kept on flowing.

We came close to having the biggest comeback victory in SB
history, but we all know it wasn't meant to be.

The game ended.

We packed up some leftovers.

Then went home, and swore off Sportscenter for at least
the next 8 days.

Even karaoke couldn't take away the pain we were
going through.

All in all, a memorable night with friends.

Nothing like your team being in the Super Bowl.

We'll take it every year.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Best Of 2011 (Tuesday)

Normally at the end of the year, we list one of our favorite
posts of the year each day.

Not only does it remind you of big things from this past year, it
also allows us some much needed rest between holidays.

But we are going to start this year's list with a multi-post listing.

These were post the week of January 10th-14th.


Random Picture Monday (01-10-10)

It's not a UFO.

Although, that would be awesome.


Take A Look At This

Are the Winter Olympics being held in Fawn Twp?

These, and many other questions answered very soon.

Right here...

at theNewk.


Today is 1/11/11

We don't have anything cool to say about it.

Just thought we'd tell you.

Carry on.


Smoke On The Water, Fire In The Sky

So the last couple days, we've showed a picture
and a video about the mystery flame that is
terrorizing the imaginations of many a Newker.

We've received a few emails, photos, and have been reading
all about it on the facebook.

Here are some shots of it.

And the best of the bunch.
(Sent in from Top 10 Reader - Ed)

Here are some of the theories going around...

- The Olympics are being held in Fawn.
- It's a Jimi Hendrix tribute.
- A monument made for us, cause we beat Fire and Flames
on the hard setting playing Guitar Hero.
- A spot for shopping smokers to congregate.
- ALIENS!!!!
- World's Biggest Tiki Torch
- S'mores Station

Those are all great theories.

And we would believe any one of them, if we didn't
actually know the truth.

The fact is, it's a natural gas well flare.

It's a controlled burn used to release pressure and test the
volume of gas in the well.

And it can be seen for miles, and sounds like a freight
train when you're right up on it.

You can actually see the flame from the top of
Drey St.

And while on Drey, head on down the hill to see this
little beauty...

So anyways.

It's probably gonna be burning for a couple weeks, so you
can all just chill out.

There is one thing we'd like to ask the fine folks at the
Marcellus Shale Mine...

When the time has come to extinguish this beast of a
flame, we were hoping you'd allow us to snuff it out,
voted off the island Survivor style?

Get at us.


Flame Off

We have it on good authority that the Pittsburgh Mills
Mystery Flame has been put out.

It was just yesterday that we explained to our 13 readers
what the heck that thing was.

Now, it's gone.

All we have are the glowing memories embedded deep
inside of our imaginative brains.

So to honor this fleeting light.

We would like to recognize some of our other
favorite flames.

The flame of a Zippo lighter.

JFK's Eternal Flame

Rock Band: The Flaming Lips

Calgary Flames Great: Joe Nieuwendyk

Porn Star: Penny Flame

And of course, the Olympic Flame.

And last, but not least...

Our Old High School Flame

We still own that tux.


In closing...

We will miss you, Pittsburgh Mills Mystery Flame.

You lit up our world, if only for the briefest of moments.


Flamed Out

What a week, huh?

Yeah, we've been all hot and bothered around here, due
to the Pittsburgh Mills Mystery Flame.

We've been posting about it all week.

As if you didn't notice.

And to be honest, just like the flame...

We are burned out.


After the week we had, and partying it up at the Pig
last night with DJ Frankie, we don't have much
left in our collective tanks.


Go Pens.
Go Steelers.
Go Bananas.



Not a bad start, to a stellar year.

See ya tomorrow.

Monday, December 26, 2011

Random Picture Monday (12-26-11)

Not a bad view, eh?

Friday, December 23, 2011

Merry Christmas 2011!

Merry Christmas to all of you.

We truly are the gifts that keep giving.



You, are the gifts that keep giving.

Hopefully you got all of your shopping finished, and
all of your packages (haha, we said packages) got to your door safely.

Be safe.
Be happy.
Be drunk.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Eight Crazy Nights

We have friends with many different religions.

And even though we celebrate Christmas, we don't discriminate
here at

And to prove that...

Happy Chanukah to our Jewish friends.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Yo Santa

We aren't totally sure why we got this email.

It was either intended for us, of sent by mistake.

Instead of asking questions, we are just gonna post it.



yo santa. this is Frank the stank. how you living man. I know yous all high tek these days so I wanted to email my list this year. I don't need everything on here. but I won't be mad if I gets it all. no what I'm sayin.

sonic the hedgehog greatest hits for xbox
2 of them watches that kanye had on in his video
kindle fire to get my readin on
a box of waffle crisp cereal
4 new low profile snow tires for my moms whip
a nickle bag a funk
a box of good wine
7 pairs of those nice undies that's cut all high on my hip ... they be giving me mad range of motion
a candle warmer
and 3 pound of that bigfoot beef jerky from they commercial where dudes be messin wit him
your boy

Frank the stank


We hope Frank gets everything his heart desires.

Especially that candle warmer.

Those things are really nice.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Four More Days (Christmas Week 2011)

We love Christmas.

We love the days leading up to Christmas even more.

They are filled with:

Evenings with friends.
Eggnog chugging.
Decorating passed out friend's faces.
Random acts of kindness.
Extreme house lighting displays.
And our favorite...

Holiday Photoshops.

Here is a great one...

We will say it again.

We love Christmas.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Random Picture Monday (12-19-11)

Tons of Christmas cheer gonna come outta this building this week.

Friday, December 16, 2011

Soupbones Stocking Stuffer

We are not sure what we did to get such an awesome early
Christmas gift, but we are for sure gonna accept it.

Jimbo and the Soupbones are playing a 21 and over show tonight
at the Blind Pig (diagonal from the Valley track).

The show is gonna get underway around 9pm, and as always,
is gonna be a party atmosphere not to be missed.

We were just talking to Jimbo the other night, and he can't wait
to play you all away...

You really need to come out and have what is sure to be a
fantastic evening at one of the best local spots for music.

The Pig has opened up the entire second floor, featuring a overlook
right down on the staging area.

Two full service bars, a top notch kitchen, and great music awaits.

So put on your best Christmas sweater, and get there early.

Because if they rock this place like they rocked Consol Energy Center
last February, you don't want to miss this.

And if you missed our piece about that past show, check
it out HERE.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Take Your Best Shot

The shot heard 'round Upper Burrell.

A few days ago, an Upper Burrell family had a frightening

When putting their son to bed, they noticed broken drywall and
stuff all over the floor.

This was very strange.

But what is even stranger yet, is the fact that they found a
bullet hole in the wall mere feet from where their son lays
his head down to sleep at night.

Turns out, an errand shot from a local hunter seems to have pierced
the wall of the child's bedroom, and left quite a bit of damage.

The state game commission doesn't have any leads yet, but the
continue to interview known hunters in that area.

We here at theNewk hope that the culprit is found, and forced to
take some shooting lessons, as well as eye tests.

He must have thought that house was a state record buck.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Shop Till You Drop

We do a ton of our Christmas shopping online.

It really makes things much easier.

But honestly, there is nothing like getting out there and rubbing
elbows with your fellow holiday shoppers.

Just ask our main-man, J-Dub.

He went out to get some goods just the other day.

His journey was such a pleasurable one, he asked a passerby
to take a moment from her gift-finding, and take a picture of
him and his cart.

And what a cart it was...

There really is something special about getting out there and
shopping until you drop.

Especially when you are as handsome as J-Dub, and all the checkout
girls give you a little wink, as well as your change.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Calling All Griswolds

Are you, or one of your neighbors giving Sparky a run for his money?

If so, we would like to hear from you.

Please send an email to, and
give us some details on where we can find these lights.

We plan on featuring some of the better local lights again this year.

Kinda like we did in this past video...

Thanks, and we look forward to hearing from you all!

Monday, December 12, 2011

Random Picture Monday (12-12-11)

The Christmas Cuke is standing tall and proud this year.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Okay, so its not so much a spectacular.

It is more of a post to make you aware of a really cool event for all children aged 10 and under.

The even is called Crafts with Santa.

It happens tomorrow at 2pm and ends at 4:30pm.
The EKCC (across from Martin Elementary) is hosting this thing.

Meet Santa!
Make crafts!
Chug hot cocoa!

All for only $5 a child.

A great event, that supports a great group of ladies.

Please try to attend.

We are gonna go attend to this Steeler game hangover now.

See ya Monday.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

For Sale

No, we aren't selling our little website here.

Unless you are offering?

If so, go ahead and send us an email to

Okay, back to business.

A little while back, we heard that the city was considering putting
the Public Works building up for sale.

You know, the big building across from Valley High that has the clock
that doesn't work.

Yep, that's the one.

Turns out, the building isn't what the city needs these days.

The two-story design isn't very efficient.

And there is a ton of land to go with it.

Just about 7 acres.

So the city will begin accepting proposals for the building and the land.

At which point, the city will build a nice one-story works building.

It almost sounds too easy.

And we hope it will be.

We also hope something cool will move into the current location.

Maybe the new Newk offices?

How about it, Mr. Mayor?

Can we get a good deal?

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Where The Candy At?

Out of all the friendly faces we saw at the parade on Saturday,
one of those belonged to Frank the Stank.

Truth is, we have no idea what he looks like.

So it wasn't until last night that we knew he was even there.

Epic Frank email coming down in 3... 2... 1...


Whats poppin newk dudes. yo i seen you at the parade on saturrday. those was some hot azz wheels yall was ridin dirty in. them flames was hurtin my eye ballz. but when i wuz watchin down the ave i saw you chuckin candy at the kids. but when yall got to my corner you didnt toss no candy my way. i was like. where the candy at. but i felt better when you yelled merry chrismas at me and slung a milkbone at a dog across the street. yall do it right. ps. that elf is big as **it.

frank the stank


It is true.

We ran out of candy.

But, we had plenty of dog treats left.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

The Streets Were Packed

This past Saturday was the New Kensington Christmas Parade.

And it was a huge success.

There were people everywhere.

Mostly wide-eyed children, waiting for bag loads
of candy to be thrown their way.

We've done this parade for the last 3 years, and have attended countless
parades previous to this one.

And we were blown away.

Not only by the huge crowds, but by the number of people that
yelled things at us, such as...

"I follow you guys on Twitter!"
"Can I have your golf cart?"
"We love your site!"
"Where is Frank the Stank?"
"Keep up the great work!"
"Hey pal, your fly is open."

We would like to thank all of you that expressed your support our way.

Also, the hundreds, if not thousands, of smiling people that brought
so much holiday spirit to our fine town.

It was a shining moment.

And we were once again proud to be from New Kensington.

To the folks that put everything together this year, including the mayor,
the coordinators, the police, fire departments, and all the participants.

Thank you!

Now, we had many people say nice things to us, but one particular
couple made a true impact in our experience...

Top Ten Reader Ed and his wife.

Handmade signs, great smiles, I <3 Biff shirt, antlers.

Thank you both so very much for the support.

Merry Christmas, and a Happy Newk year to the both of you!

Here are a few other pictures we snapped that day...

Folks cutting through to get a prime spot on Fifth.

The pre-parade lineup on Barnes.

A huge slice of pizza.

And the star of every parade...

No, its not Santa...

Its the North Pole's Biggest Elf!

Yeah, those are dog biscuits he is hold, as we take care of the 4-legged
parade goers as well.

Another shot of NPBE, as well as our sweet wheels.

Speaking of our sweet wheels, a double huge thanks to our fine
friends at Gatto's Cycle in Tarentum.

Thinking of a late stocking stuffer for dad?

How about a new Harley Softail?

Gatto's has all your last minute gift ideas!

Maybe some apparel is more in your budget?

Cause they have a ton of that too.

Check em out HERE.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Random Picture Monday (12-05-11)

The Newk is full of Christmas spirit.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Everything We Do, We Do It Big

Tomorrow is the New Ken Christmas Parade.

We have participated the last couple years in this event.

Each year, we seem to have one of the sweetest rides there.

(Likely due to the lack of the Shriner's presence.)

Remember the video we took of them a while back?

Those dudes "bring it" like Kirsten Dunst.

If you haven't ever been to the parade, or maybe its been a while?

Here is a video we made way back when, of how awesome it is.

Our special buddy will be joining us.

And our wheels will be hotter than ever.

Be there.

Believe it.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Dine With The Mayor

We love events.

Especially those that include food.

And they are even better when you get to hang out with big wigs
like the mayor.

That is what is available for you this Friday evening.

Its the mayor's way of kicking off the holiday season.

And we dig it.

Here are the haps:

Mayor's Annual Christmas Dinner
Friday, December 2
5:30 pm following the lighting of the Christmas Tree
by the clock (corner of 9th and 4th)
Dinner @ #1 Firehall, 4th Avenue
Everyone Welcome....FREE!!!!

Sounds like a damn good time to us.

So put on a sweet Christmas sweater, and get down there.

Then go home, get some rest, and come cheer for us when we
roll past you in the parade on Saturday.

You can find the parade details in yesterday's post.