Monday, February 28, 2011

Random Picture Monday (02-28-11)

We love tax season in the Newk.

Friday, February 25, 2011

We Spoiled Ourselves

Last week, we took Friday off.

We had good reason.

We didn't want to waste our 500th post on a Friday.

Fridays on the internet are like Tuesdays in a strip club... interesting, yet rather sad.

And not many people around.

Now that hasn't stopped us before, and it won't stop us in the future.

But J-dub may have bought 1 too many rounds last night, and we are all a bit tired, and in need of a breakfast hero from G&G.

Never fear...

This past week at has been top notch, so feel free to go back and get your read on.

We are going back to sleep for a couple hours, then our journey to the breakfast promise land of Vandergrift is happening.

Have a great day.
Take your umbrella.

And if you see a small mack-daddy named J-dub this weekend, make sure you thank him for us.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

We've Had It

We don't bitch about much around here, but we
need to get something off our chest.

And this site is our outlet.

So bear with us.
(Or bare with us... hubba hubba.)

Almost daily, members of this very Newk Team, drive through
the downtown section of our fair city.

We are either heading to work (yes, some of us have jobs), or
shopping, or to play disc golf at Deer Lakes Park.

And each time, we are annoyed by the traffic light at the
intersection of Fifth Ave and Ninth St.

In our opinion, there is no current need for this light.

The other light along 8th was removed, and it's going
swimmingly down there.

Now don't get us wrong.

We still have hope, that this great town will once again be a
booming metropolis of industry and capitalism, and the need
for traffic lights at every intersection will be required.

But every time we sit at the red light, and not one car goes
past us along 5th, we curse.

And not just little curses.

It's as if we're possessed by the ghost Lenny Bruce.

And for you youngsters that have no idea who Lenny Bruce is,
go buy a copy of "How To Talk Dirty And Influence People."

Or download it off of one of your fancy internet piracy site things.

Or stop being stupid.

Here is a picture we took yesterday as we filled our Chevy with
an array of 4-letter filth.

(Look familiar?)

Notice no cars going through, and traffic on each side of the
light on 9th.

How about this...

We compromise.

Maybe we can shorten the amount of time 5th gets the green light?

Obviously, Ninth gets much more traffic these days, so the
50/50 green light split is unnecessary.

We also know that it's not so easy, that you can go turn a
dial and poof... it's fixed.

Studies will likely have to be done, and all kinds of other red
tape, but we don't care.

We can't stands no mo'.

What are your thoughts?

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Wrap It Up, They'll Take It

As everyone knows (If they leave the house, or at the
very least look out of a window), that we got a
crap-ton of snow on Monday evening.

Not only did it cause traffic delays, and the random
stranded automobile... it caused the garbage men to
take a day off.

What does this mean to us Newkers?

It means that our garbage will not be picked up this
Friday, as it normally is.

It will be picked up this Saturday.
Did you get that?

Garbage pickup in New Kensington Pennsylvania, 15068 USA
will be collected Saturday February 26 in the year 2011.

So tell a neighbor.
Tell a friend.
Keep your trash off the curb until Saturday.

Oh yeah, and have a nice day.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Good Time, For A Great Cause

Years ago, some
fine folks from the Newk area started hosting an event
that is not only a great time, it honors the memory
of a great man, and also helps a student pay for college.

We are going to get right to the point here, and post
all the info, as well as a link for you to participate.

10th Annual St. Patrick's Day Parade & Party - J.B. Mason Memorial Benefit

Hosted by Matthew and Lauren Nee

Saturday March 12, 2011 - Doors Open at 8am - Parade Starts at 10am - Party Ends 4pm

Damon's Grill & Sports Bar - 600 Grant St. Pittsburgh, PA - U. S. Steel Tower - Directly on Parade Route

$30 advance ticket purchase includes:

- Draft Beer until 1pm - Continential Breakfast - Lunch Buffet - Reserved Table Seating (Limited)

Tickets can be purchased on the day of the event at the door for $40

The Renaissance Pittsburgh Hotel has offered a special rate of $129/nt for a limited number of rooms booked by February 23rd under The J. B. Mason Memorial.

The Renaissance Pittsburgh - 107 Sixth St. Pittsburgh, PA 15222 - (412) 562-1200

100% of Proceeds Go Directly to the J.B. Mason Memorial Fund

The J.B. Mason Memorial Scholarship is offered in memory of the late John "J.B." Mason, June 22, 1977 - July 12, 2004. J.B. was a 1995 Graduate of Valley High School in the New Kensington-Arnold School District. He went on to attend the University of Pittsburgh, graduating with a degree in Accounting.

J.B. Mason Memorial Fund Scholarship recipients

Endia Vereen 2005 University of Pittsburgh

Ellyse Williams 2005 University of Pittsburgh

Christie Bonk 2006 University of Pittsburgh

Jeremy Lookabaugh 2007 Mount Union College

Galen Bakos 2008 Penn State University

Jacob Mangone 2009 University of Pittsburgh

Casey Bonk 2010 University of Pittsburgh

For additional information call 412-225-4814 or e-mail

Go here to get your tickets...

and here's the
Facebook Event Link

This really is a great event.

And sounds like a total blast.

It honors the memory of J.B. Mason, who tragically lost
his life.

Those of us that had the pleasure to know him, feel lucky
about the opportunity to be around him.

For those of you that didn't know him, trust us when we
tell you, he was an outstanding young man.

Any help for this event will be much appreciated by all
involved, and especially by us.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Random Picture Monday (02-21-11)

Just another milestone.

They just keep racking up around here.

That's right, people...

We have made 500 glorious posts over the nearly 2 years
we've been doing this site.

If you've read one of them, we thank you.

If you've read all 500, please forgive us.

We know they're not all gems.

Thursday, February 17, 2011


Some people question us on how many people are
actually involved with this website.

Fact is, there is not a specific number.

As we get many of our stories from readers, and family,
and friends.

Sometimes we even get breaking news, that is mysteriously
picked up by a local news outlet.

We aren't accusing them of boosting our stories.

But we're watching them.


So last night we got a call about a sink-hole forming in the
parking lot of the EKCC up near Martin school.

Not only did they tell us about it, they emailed pictures.

And not just any pictures...

These were back lit by the headlights of a NKPD cruiser.

The sink-hole started right next to this drain thingy.
(We're not big on technical jargon.)

It's big enough to fit a small adult.
Or even a large child.

And it could be growing!

Who knows...

By the time you read this, half of the laundromat could be
swallowed up in this monster.

We hope it's under control.

The EKCC does great work for the community, and can't afford
to fix a massive hole, if it is deemed their issue to deal with.

(We totally did a Beavis and Butthead chuckle at 'massive hole.')

Let's hope this gets taken care of quickly and cheaply.

This story just goes to show how great this site is.

It's grassroots reporting like this, that puts a smile on our faces.

Maybe you'll read about it in a day or two in the paper.

(Unless it's in there today... and if so, our crow tastes delicious.)


And just so you all know, there will not be a post tomorrow.

There is a specific reason for this.

We are not just being lazy.

It will all make sense come Monday.

So settle yourselves, and save your hate mail for some other website.

We're all filled up here.

Have a great weekend, everyone.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Having A Heat Wave

After yesterday's epic post about a local band opening
up for Bon Jovi, we feared a let down coming for today.

So we took a long hard look at local news, hoping there was
any nugget of a story we could entertain you with.

But the only thing we saw was the local paper did a writeup
on the Bon Jovi show.

On Friday.


They didn't cover the Saturday show, where a local band
was the opening act?

Now, we aren't judging.

(Actually we are, we are always judging...
and that was
just a very bad decision.)

Editor's Note:
It's quite possible that the reason we've never been mentioned
in the VND, is because we tend to make fun of them a little.

It's all in good fun.

Unlike when we make fun of Oakmont.

Ugh, we truly despise those brick roads.


We searched and searched the news outlets, and the only thing
worth mentioning today is the damn weather.

Don't you just love our weather posts?

So here it is.

The moment you've been waiting for.

Our weather report...

It might hit 60 on Thursday.

That's it.

Well done, us.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Down In Front

This was the view we had this past Saturday night, as we walked
from our $10 parking spot towards the Consol Energy Center.

You may be asking yourself...

"What monumental event would get these cheap S.O.B.'s to
actually fork over $10 of their hard earned cash?"

If you were paying attention last week, you would already know
the answer to such a good question.

Yep, we were there to see Jimbo and the Soupbones open up
for none other than Bon friggin' Jovi.

Awesome, right?

Yeah, we are aware.

You may also be wondering where our tickets were located.

Fact is, we didn't have tickets.

Well, how did the concert sound from outside?

Not quite.

We, being the legitimate news source that we are, got a
media pass for the show.

Yeah, we're huge.

It's cool if you're jealous.

You aren't the only one.

So after we got taken to "the pit" section right in front of the
stage, we took a picture of the awaiting crowd, and view, that
Jimbo and the boys were about to see and entertain...

Take another look at that picture.
(And don't pay attention to the kinda boring looking folks up front.)

Look at all those people.


Now, before we go any further, we should explain that our good
friend, and photographic wizard David Cooper was unable
to attend this event with us.

So we did our best with our camera-phone and an old
school Polaroid instant camera.

We totally looked official.

Here are a few of the shots we took...

We are actually kinda proud of this one...

Lucky for us, we tend to make friends wherever we go.

And right away we met a beautiful young woman named Kristin.

She was also there to shoot Jimbo.
(Not literally "shoot him," cause we would have tried to stop that.)

She had cameras with lenses and nice bags and stuff.

She said she'd send over a few shots for us to post.

So these next 5 pictures are courtesy of our new friend,

Thanks, Kristin.
You rock.

And we dug your boots.

And this one, blows our attempt out of the water...

Amazing stuff.

We can't thank you enough.

We don't have the kind of clout to snap photos of Bon Jovi, so
we were all asked nicely to leave after J&SB's performance.

Which was killer!

They had that place feeling good, and dancing along for a little
over 30 funk-filled minutes.

It was magical.

We are always proud to be Newkers, but that night...
our chest stuck out just a little bit further.

Here's a shot for you fans of JBJ.

You can kinda see him on the screen there.

On the other hand, they may have asked us to leave the pit area,
because our heads are huge, and paying fans couldn't see
around our milk-gallon sized melons.

Either way, we wouldn't have missed it for the world.

Well done, gentlemen.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Random Picture Monday (02-14-11)



Happy Valentine's Day!

Love, theNewk Team

Friday, February 11, 2011

Stinkbug Stronghold May Be Weakening

Many valley residents this past year have had to deal with
a big infestation of stinkbugs.

They found their way into many area homes, to find a warm
place to spend their winter.

They just be stinkin' peoples homes up.

But we've been getting reports of mass deaths of these goofy
little suckers.

Seriously, where are they going?

They just fart around with no particular place to go.

They're are like the stupid chicken of the insect world.

Cause when they do fly, it is with zero grace.

They just go head-first into walls and lights.

Honestly, it's like they just got their wings installed.

But anyways, they seem to be dying in big numbers
out there.

And we like to hear that.

We are sure if they're drinking purple kool-aid.

Or maybe they are committing hari kari?

We don't give a damn why they seem to be perishing.

We're just happy they are.

Have a good weekend everyone.

Except you, stinkbugs.

Go die somewhere, and stay out of our frosted flakes.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

For Rent

The word on the street.

Or should we say...

The word on Freeport Rd. is there might be some new
tenants moving into the old Alcoa Research Center.

Our old pal, Mayor Guzzo, is being a bit tight-lipped on which
companies will be filling the void.

A void that has been there for more than 25 years.

Turns out, officials have been redeveloping the
building for over a year now.

First step is to get some companies in there, paying some rent.

The second step is for the city's redevelopment authority to buy
the buildings and land, in what will surely be a multimillion
dollar acquisition.

They are also trying to score some grant money.

We love grant money.

Hmmm, that gives us an idea.

We may have to start looking for state grants to run
area based websites.

That would be the shiz.

Back to the real story...

We hear that Mr. Mayor might be hosting an open house event
for the companies and everyone involved.

We'd love a golden ticket for that event.

Even if we don't get that invite, we are totally stoked about
this story and the possibility of new businesses and jobs
in our area.

Well done, to those involved.

We are behind you.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011


Ladies, get your panties in check.

Cause Bon Jovi is rolling into town this weekend.

They plan on rocking the Consol Energy Center down
to the ground.

Now, what does Bon Jovi have to do with the Newk?

This email we got should help explain it...

Hey Newk,

Something newsworthy to report: A local band, and by local I mean New Ken/Arnold, is going to open for Bon Jovi this weekend! Jimbo and The Soupbones will kick off the Saturday show. I think that's pretty cool, they beat out about a hundred bands to get the gig, but do with it what you will.

First off, thanks to Christine for pointing this out to us.

We actually heard about it late last week, but since the shows
have been sold out for quite some time, we didn't feel the
need to rush this info out there.

Not that it's not important.

Cause it is.

It's huge actually.

But we didn't do it cause we're rather lazy.

Simple enough, right?

So anyways, we are currently attempting to acquire a press
pass for the show, so we can bring you all the juicy details.

And also cause Richie Sambora is an idol of ours.

(Major poon-hound, that guy.)

Here is a video of Jimbo and the Soupbones we
found on the yootewbz.

We would like to congratulate Jimbo and the boys for
this awesome opportunity.

They deserve it.

Maybe we'll sit down with them one of these days and have
a bit of a chat.

Until then, break a leg boys.

Make us proud.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Super Bowl Wasn't So Super

So, just like most of you, we watched the Super Bowl
this past Sunday night.

Ours hopes for another championship were as high
as an eagle's ass.

We got together, shared beers and tons of yummy morsels.

We cheered.
We laughed.
We high-fived.
We ate.
We yelled at a pet bird that kept on chirping.

It was your quintessential Super Bowl party.

The only thing that was missing was a victory for our
beloved Steelers.

But we lost.

So be it.

We are a proud group, we Steeler fans.

No doubt, victory would have been celebrated with great
ferocity and complete joy.

But we lost.

So be it.

We lost with class.

We wouldn't trade these last two weeks for anything.

It was like the holidays all over again around here.

People smiled a little easier.

We shared a common goal.

And for that, we are thankful.

So, without further ado, here is our take on the Super Bowl.

It started out with a Pittsburgh native effing up our
national anthem.

(The majority of us here would likely still schtoop her, if given
the chance.)

We then got scored on a bunch, and things looked bleak.

Then the Black Eyed Peas to the stage at halftime, and
things got even bleaker.


If you didn't already know, we loathe the Black Eyed Peas.

They stunk up the stage.

They only thing that could have saved the performance, would
have been a wardrobe malfunction, where the Chavez one
tore the breastplate off that Fergie dude.

We could seriously go on for days, but we'll spare you.

Until next week, when we're sure they'll do another performance
for something, cause they don't seem to turn down any gig
where they can make a buck, and dress like a-holes.

If Roger Goodell wasn't such a hardon, he would have booked
our man Keenan Cahill to rock the joint.

Editor's Note:
If you didn't watch that video, go back and do it now.

The Steelers started to play better.

We started getting our hopes up.

Then the best commercial of the night hit...

Our lives were changed forever.

That kid is epic.

So the game continued, and the Miller Lites kept on flowing.

We came close to having the biggest comeback victory in SB
history, but we all know it wasn't meant to be.

The game ended.

We packed up some leftovers.

Then went home, and swore off Sportscenter for at least
the next 8 days.

Even karaoke couldn't take away the pain we were
going through.

All in all, a memorable night with friends.

Nothing like your team being in the Super Bowl.

We'll take it every year.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Random Picture Monday (02-07-11)


Friday, February 4, 2011

Super Bowl Week (Friday)

The game is Sunday.

The game is Sunday.

The game is Sunday.

The game is Sunday.

The game is Sunday.

The game is Sunday!

It got here fast, huh?

So yeah, the end of Super Bowl Week here at
has come and gone.

But we have one last surprise for you.

"Top Ten Reader Ed" sent us a super bowl poem, and he
even made an awesome graphic for it.

Don't believe us?

Get your popcorn ready...

'Twas the eve of the Super Bowl and all through STEELER Nation
Every STEELER fan poised for the grand celebration

The Terrible Towels were all set to be twirled
And the HERE WE GO STEELERS banners unfurled

The kiddies and older folks snug in their beds
As dreams of RING SEVEN danced in their heads

The countdown to kickoff so silently ticks
With me wearing #7 and her in 86

The buzz on the radio, web and TV
Say the STEELERS are underdogs, so let it be

We've been there and done that and triumphed before
We're destined to win, it'll show in the score

The players are confident, polished cold steel
Their hunger and eagerness hard to conceal

Big Ben has emerged from an ominous cloud
His performance will silence the nay-saying crowd

The opposing team's offense had better take care
Troy gives them fair warning to BEWARE THE HAIR

They say he plays dirty, but that's just not his style
There's proof in that patented Hines Ward sweet smile

And as if there weren't already enough to be feared
Bret Kiesel will intimidate with more than his beard

Better bring your own pillow for #92
James Harrison, The HIT MAN, is gonna hit YOU

Receivers aplenty to catch Big Ben's passes
Will have the defense thinking that they need glasses

To help out the STEELERS when they're in a pinch
The foot of Shaun Suisham to score is a cinch

And last but most definitely not the least
Coach Tomlin and staff are the breath of the beast

So bring on Super Bowl 45, please
Now, HERE WE GO STEELERS, let's shred some cheese



Need we say more?

We really do have the best readers, and this proves it.

Thanks, Ed.
Thanks, Readers.
Thanks, Mr. Rooney.

Go Steelers.

(Steelers 31 - Packers 27)

Write that down.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Super Bowl Week (Thursday)

Back to the Steeler talk.

Yesterday we talked about Groundhog Day.

It was one of only 15 times the Phil didn't see his shadow, and
said we'd have an early spring.

The sun started shining, and everyone was happy.

Then the wind/cold/snow showed up, and tweeked us
on our stiff nip-nips.

Back to the frigid reality about where we actually live.

Okay now we're really going to talk about the Steelers now.

Oh, before we do that.

We got an email yesterday.

From the same email address that Frank the Stank
sends from.

But this author is named...

Edgar Allen Stank

Yo newk.

I rwote a poem in honor of the super bowl. you should post it
for your readers to enjoy.

in a couple days, will be the big game
after that day, this town will never be the same

the steelers will crush, and hurt em with each hit
i already hate cheeze, cause i really like to s#!t.

Do you get it? you kno cause cheese be pluggin you up. I be eatin lotsa
lettuce to keep my stuff moving. Thats what the docs at the clinic be
tellin me to do. they called it ruffage or something.


That's a masterwork.

Not so much the poem, but the lesson on staying regular.

Well done, Frank.

Err.. Edgar.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Think It'll Be An Early Spring?

"Winter, slumbering in the open air, wear on it's smiling
face a dream... of spring. Ciao."


That's right, kids.

You guessed it...

It's Groundhog Day!


Yeah, we love Groundhog Day.

We love the movie.
We love the event.
We love the idea of it all.
We love standing in a field, getting drunk.
We love Andie MacDowell's curly locks.

Will spring be here soon?

Or will this winter last forever?

We don't have the answer to that.

You should check an actual news source, like
or something.

And while you are there, tell Darieth Chisolm we
love her madly.

Seriously though, we have no idea if Phil saw his shadow.

We posted this at 4 something am.

We actually just took a whiz, and saw our shadow.

Does that count?


Well forget you guys then.

We're going for a drive.

"Don't drive angry. Don't drive angry!"

Don't worry, we won't.


This is supposedly a Groundhog Day Word Search.

We can only find the word "woot."

Which is all we need.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Super Bowl Week (Tuesday)

Are you ready for this?

You better be, cause it's going down in 5 days.

Like we've said before...

Some things in this world are bigger than us.

The Steelers, in their 3rd super bowl in 6 years, qualifies
as not just big... but huge.

So this week, we won't talk about all the snow and ice we
got last night, and which will continue throughout today.

We won't talk about anything other than the Steelers.

The black and gold, and nothing else.

Get it?

Well, we may talk about Groundhog Day.

Or we may talk about our favorite TV shows or something.

Hell, we may even post an email if we get one.

But for now, this is our plan.

So prepare yourself.


Here we go.