Friday, January 29, 2010

Fun At Work Day

Today is "Fun At Work Day."

This site really isn't "work" for us, per se.

But we have decide to have fun today.

Which means we are meeting friends for breakfast,
then we're off to spend some Christmas gift cards.

What does that mean for you?

It means there won't be much to read until Monday.

Actually, we generally post a picture on Monday, so
it migt be Tuesday until you read something here.

We wish we cared, but we don't, cause we're out
having fun.

What fun things are you doing at work today?

Here is your Newk Weekend Weather Report:
"It's gonna be a hard nipple type of weekend."

UPDATE - 12:18pm

Turns out, we do have something good to say.

Some of the Newk Team are going to Las Vegas for a couple
days next week, and they've agreed to take our little man
"J-Dub" with them.

They will take pictures of J-Dub at different Vegas hot spots,
and send those pics to us, so we can post them for you all to enjoy.

Here is a picture of J-Dub getting ready to pack his bags...

Wish him safe travels.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

This Email Is On Fire

As you know, we love getting emails.

We love it even more, when they are as awesome
as this one.

Read it.

You'll be happy you did.

Just walked back inside from rubbernecking at a big house fire a few doors down. It’s down a block, but so close that my house smells like a campfire. I could see the orange glow in the sky just over the roof peak of my neighbor. I came in because I was cold; the firefighters don’t have this option. They’re still working. Hard. It’s a big fire, and they’ll be busy for a while.

Here are some immediate thoughts I thought I’d share right now.

-Fires happen really, really fast. Faster than you think. Look around your house right now. Is it safe enough? Is your family safe? Is your stuff safe? If the answer is ‘maybe,’ get off your ass and take care of it. No excuses. Check your smoke detectors, service your furnace, check your chimneys. Seriously.

-The burning house was empty. Has been for a while. I don’t think anyone was hurt, but I can’t confirm that. I didn’t see any ambulances while I was lazily rubbernecking. If you own empty property in the area, check on it. Is it safe? Go check. This neighborhood is dense with houses, and, like I said, fire is fast. I saw a lot of guys braver than I’ll ever be risking their lives tonight so this abandoned house and the surrounding properties would be okay. There were two guys on a three-story-high ladder chopping at the roof from the outside while more guys were inside the third floor in extremely dense billowing smoke. I could only see their helmet lights, barely piercing the thick black fog. While they were doing this I worried that they would fall through the burned floor, or the steps would collapse, or they’d burn to death or suffocate. What they were doing was no joke...all to save a derelict house. If you have an empty run-down house you risk the lives of the firefighters and the lives of the decent houses in the immediate area. Take care of your property. Lock it up and button it down. Be responsible.

-The next time the local fire department has a fundraiser, donate. Whatever it is, a pancake breakfast, a boot at a red light, whatever...don’t hesitate. Give what you can and say a sincere thank you. Right now it's almost midnight and the wind chill is in the single digits and they’re still out there, risking their lives--for free, it’s volunteer--to keep us all safe. Do your part. Help them out. Take care of your property, give when you can, and consider volunteering. I’m scrawny and really nearsighted, but mostly I’m just chickenshit, and I’m sorry. I salute you guys, and I thank you.

We here at theNewk, would also like to say
thank you to the men and women that protect
us every day.

We don't say it enough, but we appreciate you daily.

Much respect.

photo taken by

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Peep It While You Can

It turns out, there is a leaning tower right in our
own little hood.

That's right kids.

Just across the Allegheny, sitting in the little town
of Tarentum, we have our own version of the Italian

Only ours looks more like an old laundromat.

Known as the "Leaning Tower of Tarentum," it resides
at 203 Fifth Ave.

The building has been condemned for over a year now.

Due to the leaning, and other various problems.

The city is trying to get the owner to have the
building torn down.

They have also attempted to get state grant money
to have it razed.

But there it sits, tilting and mocking everyone that
wants to see it demolished.

This building has attitude, and we dig that.

To be completely honest.

We seriously wanted to don berets, and have someone
take our picture standing in front of it, as if it were some
sort of tourist attraction.

We thought it would be an awesome picture to go
along with this post.

But we didn't have the time, as this story couldn't wait
a minute longer.

And our berets are at the dry cleaner.

If any of our readers have the moxie to attempt
such a photo.

Please email us a copy of it, and you will surely be named
theNewk's "Reader of the Week."

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Are You In A Helpful Mood Today?

We've gotten a couple emails recently, asking for
some assistance.

We don't have much of a book collection, so we
weren't the answer these folks were looking for.

So, on to Plan B.

You all.

In the past, we've learned how helpful our fellow
Newkers could be.

We can only hope that the good nature of you all, shines
through once again.

Here is the email...

Dear theNEWK,

This may not be what you consider a "hard-hitting story." However, if nothing else, it's something to post on your site in hopes that someone will be able to help out a fellow AK-Valley resident.

My dad and I have been searching high and low for Arnold High School yearbooks from the early 1940s. We started the process a couple of months ago because we were looking for old photos of my grandparents, but now, it has turned into something more. Simply put, we're intrigued by these seemingly nonexistent yearbooks. We've been to Peoples Library; we've been to the Alle-Kiski Heritage Museum. I've even been in contact with the Arnold Chamber of Commerce, where it was confirmed that there is indeed a series of years that is missing from the city's yearbook collection.

Maybe someone out there who's reading your blog can solve the mystery!

Thanks, and keep up the great work. I love reading theNEWK.

I hope that some of you are trying to think of a
particular box in the attic, that may solve this mystery.

If you have any info, or books.
Please email us, and we'll pass that info along to Stephanie.

Pictured, is the one we recently purchased at a flea market.

Will it help?

Please email us at

Monday, January 25, 2010

Random Picture Monday (01-25-10)

The Allegheny River
(Taken from high atop the Tarentum Bridge.)

Friday, January 22, 2010

Sayonara Shop 'N Save

Crappy news coming out of the Newk yesterday.

Turns out, the downtown Shop 'n Save will be
closing it's doors for good sometime soon.

(The former Foodland, for you old-timers.)

The most recent owner, Joe Spagnolo, says the
store hasn't been profitable since 2006.

He owns 5 other grocery stores, so "no big whoop."

Although, it's kind of a "big whoop" for the locals
that get there groceries there.

Many older residents walk, or take the bus there.

And it would be a shame if that luxury is taken from them.

I mean, we realize that you can't run a business, if
it's losing you a bunch of money.

That's just not how it works.

We just think it sucks that they are finished.

The worst feeling of all, is some of us here live closer
to that store, than any other grocery store in the area.

And we hardly ever went in there.

It's not as if our purchases of diet mountain dew and
spiral mac 'n cheese would have made them profitable.

(Well, maybe we could have come close.)

Now, they are saying that they're trying to get another
retailer in there.

But wouldn't mention any names.

I guess the saying is true...

"Snitches get stitches."

Here is your Newk Weekend Weather Report:

"This weekend has a little bit of everything, just like
my movies. Don't forget, I used to make movies."

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Enjoy The Silence

Damn, it's quiet around here.

Sure, there are things to talk about, here in
the Newk area. Such as...

- Some kid shot a woman while "hunting" in Buffalo.
- Something or other about Burrell school taxes.
- Tarentum has some council seats open.
- Leechburg is taxing the crap out of it's residents.

But nothing that really grabs us.

Don't get us wrong.

We like having a little time off.

It is very hard to be this entertaining, 5 days a week.

But we feel a little bad about it.

You have come to expect excellence from us, and
here we are, boring the turds out your butt.

You can't blame us, though.

It's not totally our fault about the lack of news.

So here's what we came up with...

We need your ideas of stuff to cover.

Seriously, give us the hard hitting stories.

Leave us a comment, or send us an email.

Just get it to us.

We're getting bored.


Wednesday, January 20, 2010

The Snow Must Go On

That's right, we said it.

It wasn't long ago, beautiful snow covered
everything we saw as we stared out our front window.

It looked clean.
It looked crisp.
It looked cold.

Then, over the course of a few warm days, and one
solid day of rain, it was all gone.

Now listen.

We hate shoveling sidewalks.
We hate cold feet.
We hate tracking slush in the house.

But we love the snow.
We love seeing the road turn white at 3 am.
We love how it feels warmer when it's snowing.

Don't hate on us for being honest.

It's doubtful that we'll get much more snow this season.

But for snow lovers like us, the last month was
pretty awesome.

Was it like 20 days in a row that it snowed?


Please forgive us if we are in a bummed out mood,
because of the weather.

All this sun and mild warmth, just gives us the

What did you think of the Debo interview yesterday?

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

The Man, The Myth, The Clown?

We are going to keep this short, because what
follows is too good to put off any longer.

Without any further ado, we present to you...

Debo The Clown

theNEWK: What is your name, and what do you do?

Debo: My name is Debo the Clown and I am a ballon twistin, clown-magic-doin, comedy jugglin, unicycle-ridin, joke-tellin, make you laugh so hard you might wet yourself clown. Sometimes just for a laugh, I dress as a regular person, what a howl!

theNEWK: We love your fashion sense. Where do you shop for clothes?

Debo: Actually the outfit that I usually wear was made for me by a woman named Suz. She was the Wardrobe Coordinator/Consultant for the movie King of the Road. I was in it and wouldn’t you know it hasn’t been released yet. You can still check their website I also have a tux for more formal things, whatever that may be. As far as the rest of it, dumpsters can be a clowns best friend. What, don’t act like you’ve never gone dumpster divin.

theNEWK: What is it about being a clown, that makes you happy?

Debo: I bring joy and laughter to the young and old. The laughs usually come at my expense but every now and again I get real lucky and get people to laugh at themselves. A clown friend of mine (yes all clowns know each other) always says “laugh at yourself, everyone else does!” When you interact with a child, regardless of their age, the only thing better than the smile on their face is seeing the smiles on the faces of their parents and anyone else watching.

theNEWK: Do clowns use the internet?

Debo: What’s that, the computer thing? What’s so great about “surfing the web?" Everytime I put my surfboard on my computer it doesn’t go anywhere. Seriously, YES-all the time. There is a clown-shoe size amount of info that is so helpful. We clowns share ideas all the time, some are debolicious (a real word look it up) and some get tossed out like a broken balloon. By the way, my rubber chicken Gladys eats those, so if you see us somewhere please feed her. Thanks!

theNEWK: Have you ever heard of

Debo: What self-respectin New Kensingtonian/Arnoldonian/Lower Burrellite hasn’t? Your site is funnier than a barrel of drunk monkeys. Hey that was pretty funny, good one Debo. I like all the little bits of info about the AK Valley, I mean you guys have all things New Ken in there, pretty cool. Nice job ladies and gentlemen, your video for New Ken’s Holiday Parade should get an award, especially the choice of music. You definitely get the Debo Award for Excellence and your trophy is dun, dun, dun, a RUBBER CHICKEN!!!!!

theNEWK: How many other clowns have you been in a car with, at the same time?

Debo: Only did it once and lost count at 12, it can get pretty pungent in a Volkswagon right after lunch. Now I know why clowns charge extra for that kind of action.

theNEWK: What is the best event you have participated in, and why?

Debo: My first was New Ken’s Community Days a few years ago and it seems to get better every year. I see lots of my friends from the year before and some of them actually remember me. It’s a privilege to work with/for our brave men and women in the New Ken and Arnold Volunteer Fire Departments. Mad props to any of you guys reading this, and THANK YOU for your service. I hope to be back again this year.

theNEWK: Would you ever consider teaching us how to make balloon animals? (Other than snakes, we are pretty good at making those already.)

Debo: Of course, I’ll show you how to make an outstanding worm. It may look like a snake, but we all know it’s a worm.

theNEWK: Other than cotton candy, funnel cakes and popcorn…what do clowns like to eat?

Debo: I used to eat retired clowns, but they started to taste funny, so I gave that up. I eat lots of pies now, especially the ones that get smashed in my face. Then I wash it all down with a bottle of seltzer water.

theNEWK: Do you have hobbies?

Debo: Chasing cars, digging up yards, taking naps under the porch……oh wait , that’s from when I was a dog. I don’t have any hobbies now.

theNEWK: Who is the most famous person that you’ve entertained. (Not including us)

Debo: Not including you? Wow, that’s a tuffy. I think I made balloon hats for the daughters of Marty Griffin from KDKA radio. He’s much better looking in person than on the radio.

theNEWK: How often do you need a new tire for you unicycle?

Debo: It needs rotated every 10,000 rotations. I keep a spare handy, but I try not to use it, cause I get too tired from carrying it. Sorry about that, but if I don’t make jokes like that, I get hit with a dirty sock.

theNEWK: What about this area, do you like the most?

Debo: I like the fact that we have so many brain surgeons, and that they like to disguise themselves as bums. Really though, I like how everyone knows and looks out for each other. There is always so much happening that its hard to keep up. Particularly in the summer with New Ken’s Community Days, and at Christmas time. The parade and gathering at City Hall, Santa on the back of a fire truck going street to street is a cool new tradition. It’s a New Ken/Arnold thang. Also the National Night out, when our brave men and women go door to door, and meet with neighborhood kids…..actions speak louder than words no doubt.

theNEWK: Would you like a chance to plug your websites, upcoming events, and your services? If so, go for it…

Debo: Alright everyone get your pens ready. You can check me out on my official site

You can also:

Tweet me

Space me

Tube me

Face me

As far as events, I’ll be at the Pittsburgh Auto Show on Feb, 13th from noon to 3, then later that day its off to the Strongland Chamber of Commerce Home Show at Pittsburgh Mills Mall, from 6 to 9. Make sure you come and get a balloon, or do some juggling, or do a magic trick with me. Check me out to see where I’ll be publicly, and don’t forget to book early for a birthday party, that you’ll soon not forget, as you will completely lose your mind. Visit me on Facebook for special “Fans of Debotheclown” discounts. Contact Debo for the best birthday party in the area.
724—777-0438 Come get yo clown on!!!!

theNEWK: What was your favorite and least favorite question that you just answered?

Debo: I forget, as I have short term memory loss. What did you say?

We would like to thank Debo for the interview.

We would also like to thank him for being 100%
serious, during said interview.

Please don't hesitate to give him a call, for any and
all of your family entertainment needs.

We'll thank us.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Random Picture Monday (01-18-10)

Sunset over Memorial Park

Friday, January 15, 2010

King For The Weekend

So here is a great story.

At 2:30 am the other morning, a 39 year old
woman walked into a Tarentum convenience
store and demanded money from the male clerk.

She said, "I'm not kidding."

The clerk said, "no."

At that point, she reached behind the counter, and
tried to grab some cash.

The clerk swatted her hand away.

The woman then said, "I have a gun in my jacket and
I will shoot you. Give the money."

The clerk then told her, "get out of the store."

On her way out, she knocked some crap over, and got
into a red suv.

She was later picked up by police in East Deer.

She is charged with robbery, criminal attempt, simple
assault, harassment, disorderly conduct and public drunkeness.

What a buffoon.

And now your Newk Weekend Weather Report:

"It's gonna be kinda warm, and a little wet."

Editor's Note:

We apologize if Nic's (our weatherman) report sounded
vaguely perverted.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Get Your Flippy Floppys Ready

That's right kids, you better get all the
essentials ready...

Flip Flops
Beach Towels
Nose Plugs
Water Wings
Board Shorts
Teeny Bikinis
Suntan Lotion

What are we talking about?

Water parks.

That's what.

And the fact that we will be doing cannonballs
into a large pool of water, very soon.

And we're not going to have to travel all that
far to do it.

Because the sweet smell of chlorination will soon
be wafting through the air at the Pittsburgh
Mills Mall.

Turns out, a company that owns and operates 12
of these indoor parks/hotels across the nation, is
planning on building one here.

We are doing a happy dance.

Seriously, we love a good water park.

We love lazy rivers.
We love whirlpools.
We love water slides.
We love super soakers.
We love spas.
We love fitness centers.
We love arcades.
We love having a reason for our wife to
shave our back.

We love it all!

This really is exciting news, as we were heartbroken
when the go-cart track was ixnayed.

Cause if there's one thing we like more than a water
park, it's a go-cart track.

Seriously, we take our go-carting very seriously.


Can you tell how serious we are?


Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Gimme A "V!"

It seems that participation has been lacking
for a Valley Middle School football program.

They didn't field a team last year, as not enough
students signed up to play.

This is troubling for many reasons.

The main one being, when kids get to high school,
they won't have the football background that
players at other schools have.

Which could lead to less wins.
Which could lead to even less interest in local football.

It's a vicious cycle.

Now, they are talking about getting rid of the junior
varsity team, and having only the middle school program,
and the varsity program.

Sounds good to us.

Much better than having no option for the middle
school kids that wanna play ball.

There is also a question about what to do with the
money, if the program again is dropped.

Let's hope this question never gets asked.

We'll let you know more, as we hear more.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Some Days Are A Struggle

Sometimes, doing this site 5 days a week, doesn't
feel like its hard work.

Most times, there is something interesting to
write about.

Even when there's nothing going on, we'll write
about food, or post an email.

But some days, we are stumped.


Other than snow, and cold weather, this area
is rather boring recently.

Too bad we don't cover world news.

Cause we could talk about...

Mark McGuire being a roid-head. (duh)
Sarah Palin got a job. (good grief)
China is facing a singles crisis.
The movie 'Avatar' is racist.
Jillian Michaels used to be a fatty.
Jared from Subway go engaged.
Jay Leno is replacing Conan, who replaced Leno. (meh)
Simon Cowell is leaving American Idol. (pfft)


Talk about news, eh?

Unlucky for us, we cater to New Kensington and it's
surrounding areas.


Are we missing something?

Is there news that we are unaware of?

If so, leave a comment.

While you think of something.

Watch one of our videos, and dream about the
upcoming warmer weather.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Random Picture Monday (01-11-10)

Old FOE building.

Props to David Cooper for the picture.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Run For Your Lives!

As the ominous news of a huge snowstorm approaching
(2-4 terrifying inches), locals do what they normally do...

Overreact, and run full speed to the nearest grocer, to
stock up on the essentials.

Rock Salt

What really confuses us, is why people don't stock
up on condoms and hot cocoa.

Honestly, if you find yourself "snowed in," what
better things are there to keep you warm?

Back to our original thought.
(We apologize for getting distracted.)

We find it strangely amusing that people still freak
out when snow is in the forecast.

It's not as if we don't average 43.5 inches of snow
per year.

Normally, we wouldn't care what people do with their
time and money.

It just so happened that today was our day to go
grocery shopping, and we had the pleasure of sharing
the aisles with a couple hundred panicked consumers.

You couldn't imagine the looks I received, as I leisurely
browsed through the consumables.

With my ipod playing my shopping mix (consisting mostly
of rock and hip-hop, with the occasional Tony Christie track),
the music kept me from flying around like a speed-freak.

Which seems to have mystified the others.

They stared at me with wondrous disbelief, as my
relaxed persona slapped them in the face.

Many felt the need to try and rile me up, with the news
of the coming blizzard.

But my headphones prevented their message from
penetrating my ears.

I also feel as though my calm nature angered some folks.

Why would I get such a feeling?

Because, even though the shelves were stocked with many
varieties and sizes of milk, a 90 year old woman almost
shanked me as I reached for a half gallon of 2%.

It is normal for us to do our weekend weather report
on Friday.

But we're fairly sure you already have a pretty good idea.

So instead, we give you this...

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Story Update (Datolla Theatre)

You may remember, back in late August.

We wrote a piece about the Dattola Theatre, and the
group of people trying to reopen it.

Read about it HERE.

Everything seemed like it was in order, and we
here at theNEWK were really looking forward to it.

We couldn't wait to see a movie, or take in the
latest production by the New Ken Civic Theater.

But we got some disheartening news recently.

The plans have been put "on hold."

What we heard was, there are a couple people at city hall
that put up a few obstacles.

That's rather vague, but we take what we can get.

Now listen, we aren't here to take sides.

There are a few people out there, that know exactly
what is happening with this.

We, just don't happen to be any of those people.

All we know is, this is news we didn't want to hear.

It wasn't that long ago, that they put on a nice fund
raiser down there.

Music, food, classic cars, etc.

Here is a picture we took of the Theatre, as we
drove up to it.

They seemed to have a really good turnout that day,
and people were genuinely excited about it.

We can only hope, that the excitement will turn into reality.

Maybe with the new mayor taking office, the issues faced
over the last couple months can be worked out.

Or maybe not.

As we always say...

We don't like getting involved in politics.
Unless of course, we ourselves have the power to change things.

Which will probably never happen.

Keep hope alive.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Bird Talk In The Winter

As if you didn't already know, today is
National Bird Day.

We feel it's rather strange that they made
a day in the dead of winter, dedicated to birds.

It's weird because most of the birds around
here, have flown to warmer climates.

Sure they'll be back one day.

But that's not the point, really.

If we are to take a day to enjoy the songs, and
flight of these creatures, shouldn't they have
waited until summer?

I'll be completely honest with you.

I can't stand birds.

- They poo on my car.
- They chirp outside my window in the morning.
- They tempt my dog into chasing them, in turn,
pulling on her leash, nearly knocking me over.
- They eat worms that I could use for fishing.
- And let's be honest, they act a bit 'stuck up.'

The one local image I think of, when I think
of birds, is the huge steel structure that bridges
over the entrance to the Pittsburgh Mills.

Take a look at it, the next time the birds are
in town.

They drop copious amounts of bird dirt on that thing,
as well as the road below.

It almost makes it look as though it snowed in
the middle of summer.

Which is a strange coincidence, as we hadn't
planned on connecting our previous bitch
session with this fact.

Which makes us look like fools.

Just goes on to prove my point...

I hate birds.

Random Article Fact:

My grandmother coined the term "bird dirt."

You may use it, if you wish.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Beat The Winter Blues

We know, we know.

It's snowing.

It's snowing a lot.

It's cold as well.

Stop updating your twitter and facebook about it.

We get it.

Now, since we live in this area, we should all
be mentally prepared for these times of bluster.

Some of us (you) complain about it.

Some embrace it.

Here are some things for you to do, rather
than bitch and moan.

- Go tubing at Boyce Park.
- Shovel an elderly neighbor's walk.
- Don't charge your elderly neighbor for said services.
- Have a snowball battle.
- If your elderly neighbor offers meatballs as payment,
we allow you to accept them.
- Find a nearby hill, and sled ride that sucker.
- Ice fishing at Northmoreland Park.
- Snow shoeing at Deer Lakes Park.
- Come surprise us, by cleaning off our car in the morning.
- Make a mug of hot cocoa.
- Build a snowman.
- Make a big fat snow angel.
- Play with your children, or your pet outside.
- Grow a winter beard.
(Top or bottom, your choice.)

See, there are tons of things you can be doing.

You may choose to do some of these ideas, or you
may choose to catch up on your DVR.

We won't judge you, whatever you decide.

But the next time you see a jolly/bearded/pudgy guy, lying
in his yard, flailing his arms and legs all about...

Just know, that we chose to make the snow angel.

Yes, that was meatball sauce on our cheeks.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Random Picture Monday (01-04-10)

The gateway.

Oh yeah, it's 2010.

We're over it.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Happy Newk Year!

If you have a cell phone.
If that cell phone has text messaging.
If you have friends...

Then, you probably got the picture above, at
least one time yesterday.

I personally received it 5 times.

I would go off on a huge rant here, if some of those
friends didn't read this site.

I have decided to be nicer in 2010.

I have also decided to share more (farts).
It's the sauerkraut speaking.

We hope you have a great year.

It will be everything you make of it.

We promise.

Auld Lang Syne
(Scottish pronunciation)

Shid ald akwentans bee firgot,
an nivir brocht ti mynd?
Shid ald akwentans bee firgot,
an days o ald lang syn?

Fir ald lang syn, ma jo,
fir ald lang syn,
wil tak a cup o kyndnes yet,
fir ald lang syn.

An sheerly yil bee yur pynt-staup!
an sheerly al bee myn!
An will tak a cup o kyndnes yet,
fir ald lang syn.


We twa hay rin aboot the braes,
an pood the gowans fyn;
Bit weev wandert monae a weery fet,
sin ald lang syn.


We twa hay pedilt in the burn,
fray mornin sun til dyn;
But seas between us bred hay roard
sin ald lang syn.


An thers a han, my trustee feer!
an gees a han o thyn!
And we’ll tak a richt gude-willie-waucht,
fir ald lang syn.