Thursday, September 30, 2010

Our Inbox Overfloweth

So lately, there hasn't been much going on around here that has peaked our interest.

In fact, we are so bored that we are laying in bed, after a night of sampling the goods at House Of 1000 Beers, writing this very drivel on our Android celly.

(Which we will be doing a review on, here in the near future. The beer joint, not our celly. Relax dc.)

That's kinda news worthy, right?

Anyways, we usually post positive emails, cause thats mostly what we get. (Yeah, we're awesome.)

But here is one that had an issue with our sense of humor...

Dear NEWK,

I read your site just about daily, but that may stop if you make even 1 more lame joke about a Ford Focus. It doesn't make sense, and its not the least bit humorous. So please make up something that's actually funny. Like when you make fun of Oakmont's goofy brick streets.



Thanks, Jan!

Even though you called us stupid, and not funny... we still dig that you took the time away from watching terrible Jay Leno to send us an electronic mail on your commodore 64.

Now take a hike, before you make us angry.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Happy Hump Day

We are taking the day off.

Carry on.

*Editor's Note: At least there are no Ford Focus jokes to not laugh at.

*Random Info: We had a delicious lunch yesterday afternoon, and a few beers at night.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Another Suspicious Fire

It was a nice Sunday afternoon in Tarentum.
The sun was shining.
The birds were singing.
The Steelers were winning.
The squatters were setting fire to an abandoned home.
Wait, what?
Well, that's what people are saying about the mid-day
blaze that destroyed the house on Short Street.
The gentleman that "lived" there, claims there were
no utilities hooked up to the house.
Which makes the cause of the fire suspicious.
As it was in foreclosure, and they weren't actually supposed
to be living there.
Firefighters are familiar with the place, as they
were there a few weeks ago to tame a fire on the
front porch.
With the recent trend of suspicious fires, we fear the worst
for homeowners.
But our biggest concern is for the Ford Focus owners.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Random Picture Monday (09-27-10)

From across the river.

Friday, September 24, 2010


A few weeks back, we told you about a fire in Arnold that
damaged a few homes.

It also damaged a FORD FOCUS, PEOPLE!!!

Read it HERE.

But some news has come forward that made us raise
an eyebrow.

It seems a 19 year old Arnold Firefighter is accused of starting
the blaze, then coming back to fight it.

If this is true, it's super sketchy.

We don't plan on saying his name, or showing his picture.

(As he might be a fan, and we can't afford to lose any.)

But we figured you'd all like this update.

Unfortunately, we have no updates on the

Our fingers are crossed that it's in full working order.

As that would be the biggest tragedy of the entire story.

Have a great weekend.

We will.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

TV Shows, Yo.

As we've said before, emails make our day/morning.

You also know that any communications between Frank the Stank and us, make our week.

This is another one of those occasions...


What up Newk bros?
I was reading the site todays and wanted to tell you bout some of me and my shortys top piks. You know, the tv shows,yo. There was a couple on your lists we liked like the one with the nerds andthat hot chick from that older show that john Ritter died on. that dude was mad funny. respect. Anyways we be watching that one with the short family that be slingin pumpkins on they farm. We also watch Entourage in hbo (we borrow the pay channels from our neighbours) cause that turtle dude looks fat as hell but really isn't. That freaks me out. We like the one with the crabs and the dirty guys that always be gettin rained and snowed on. then we watch mad men cause that redhead with the cans be driving me craxy.
Alright dudes talk to yall later.
frank the stank


We can't wait to hear from you again.


Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Something Important Needs To Be Addressed

We totally sound way serious right now, eh?

But honestly, this is serious stuff.

This time of year brings much excitement.

Are we talking about school starting?


Are we talking about football?


Are we talking about the leaves starting to change?

(Cause we're manly men, and could never admit to
the leaves changing colors are beautiful,
and they fall to the
ground with the grace of a ballet dancer.)

This time of year means one thing to us...

New TV shows are starting.

And we're so ready for them.

Our DVR's are programmed, and have fans pointing
at them from 3 different angles, as the thought of them
overheating at the exact time The Big Bang Theory starts,
gives us nightmares.

Some of our other faves are...

(in no particular order)

Modern Family
The Office
30 Rock
How I Met Your Mother
Cougar Town
Hell's Kitchen
(Oh, how we love Yvonne Strahovski)

So there you have it.

When Big Brother 12 ended, we were crushed.

But these shows, give us a reason to go on.

What are your favorites?

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Alle-Kiski Band Festival

Tonight is the Alle-Kiski Band Festival.

It's being held at Valley High, starting at 7pm.

The Valley High Marching Band will kick the show off.

It's only 5 bucks, and there is sure to be some great entertainment value for your dollar.

So get out there and support the kids.

They work very hard at this.

(Especially the chubby boys that have to lug around the bass drum.)

We feel their pain.


For some reason, we aren't able to post in our signature center format style.

You are at the correct website.


Monday, September 20, 2010

Random Picture Tuesday (09-20-10)


Friday, September 17, 2010

What Have We Done?

What have we done?


Absolutely nothing.

It's Friday, and we have crap to do today.

We thought about posting a catchy tune.

But we couldn't find anything worthy.

We considered a write up about high school football.

But we aren't the friggin' Birdie from the VND.

We pondered revealing our secret identities.

But nobody gives a damn who we are.
(Even though they should, cause we're wicked handsome.)

We tossed around the thought of talking about all the delicious
pumpkin/October beers that we've been enjoying.

But our families already worry about us drinking too much.

So, this is what you get.

Random words, about random stuff.

Now, we do have a few things on the back burner.

Including a piece about local rapper Young Roach.

If you have some time, check out his youtube page.
And don't get all uptight, he likes to swear.

So do we.


Oh snap, don't forget about the flea market at Freedom Inn

Info can be found HERE.

Be sure to buy some tasty treats from our good friend,
Chelsea Bakes.

Thank us later.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Convenience On Constitution

It's official.

A new convenience store will be coming to the area.

Filling in the former Jo-Duke Pontiac dealership on
the 1500 block of Constitution.

They didn't tell us if this would be a big chain type store,
or if it's gonna be Frank's Market type of joint.

But then again, nobody tells us anything.

Speaking of Frank's Market, how awesome was that place?

It was by far the most entertaining of all the local places
to buy cigarettes as a minor.

All you needed to grab a pack of squares, was 2 bucks and
a piece of paper that read...

"These cigarettes are for me. Sincerely, Mom"

It really is a shame that a couple D-bags burned that shop
down by tossing fireworks in it or something.

Frank and his dad were class acts.

Sure they'd yell at you as you were buying something, but who

They were hilarious.

We can only hope that Frank is opening up this newest

We might have to start smoking again.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

She's A Brick...



That's right kids.

The bricks in Oakmont aren't going anywhere soon.

And we hate them more than ever.

Seriously though.

If you ever read/browse/take a poop on this site, you
know we can't stand those damn brick roads.

And the fact that they are paying some landscaping company
to fix areas of Delaware and Allegheny River Blvd., means
many more years of bouncing through that town.

They are paying them like $58,000 to do these repairs.

All they had to do was give us the green light, and we would have
happily pulled out each brick, one at a time, and chucked
them directly into the river.

We might have even raised a few bucks for the city, by charging
a dollar for the chance to toss one into the Allegheny.

Ugh, whatev.

Like we should expect anything less from Oakmont.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

For Sale

We are selling this site.

First person to show up to our offices with $13 in
unmarked/nonconsecutive ones, gets it.

Obviously, we are totally lying.

We don't think for a second that someone would pay
that kinda ching-chang for this mess.

But anyways...

The sale we referenced is for real.

It's gonna be a big flea market type deal at the
Freedom Inn on Freeport Rd.

It's taking place this coming Saturday Sept. 18.
8am - 4pm
It costs $5 per table.
Just contact Weezy by phone, or stop in
for a cold one. (Our personal choice.)
(724) 334-0316
You can purchase a sales table, all the way up until that day.

So grab some of that crap in your garage, and try to sell it
to someone else.

Fun times.

We might even be there, selling t-shirts and autographed
pictures of J-Dub.

Truth is, we may sleep through the entire thing, so be
sure to check our facebook page that morning to
be sure we'll be there.

K thanks.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Random Picture Monday (09-13-10)

Newk Style.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Mother Scupper

If someone told you that a 200lb something-or-other
fell from the Tarentum Bridge, what would you
think it was?

A rusted steel catch basin?

If so, you are amazing.

We would have thought it may have been...

21 cases of Sam's Pop Shop bottled orange pop.
A scooter from Gatto's.
312 Moon Over My Hammies from Denny's.

But, we would have been wrong.

Way wrong.

So yeah, a rusted ass catch basin took a 50ft leap from
the bridge.

Some people call steel catch basins "scuppers."

But according to PennDOT spokesman Jim Struzzi,
they would be wrong.

From what we understand, there is another scupper that
they plan on removing in the near future.

Back to the fallen scupper...

It fell at about 2am, and hit the Fish Commission access
driveway, and actually bounced about 15 feet.

Nobody was under it.

Or this would have been a much bigger story.

Either way, PennDOT claims the bridge is sound, and we
trust them.

Seriously, when is the last time PennDOT screwed something up?

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Pizza Fest Update

Last week we asked you all to give us some ideas
on where to get a good pizza pie around here.

Obviously, we already have our favorites.

But Pizza Fest is bigger than us.

If that's even possible.

You all answered the call.

And we thank you for that.

Here is a list of some of the places you mentioned...

(Mama) Rosa's
Perry Di Pizzaman
Villa Ballanca
From Italy
Ralphie G's
La Nova
River City
The Roundhouse
Boulevard Bistro

That's a hell of a list so far, eh?

We totally need to raise a few funds to afford our
journey into pizza heaven.

We may even send a friend out with some I <3 Biff
shirts to sell at the upcoming Freedom Inn
flea market, that we will tell you about very soon.

If you have a pizza suggestion, tell us about it.

If you own, know, or frequent any of these places, and wish
to help us out, mention us to the people there.

Heck, give em our email address.

"May the slice be with you."

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Labor Day At The Park

This past Monday (Labor Day), we took the short drive
to Northmoreland Park for the festivities.

Northmoreland is one of our favorite parks.

It reminds us of cruising through there in the 80's, in the back
seat of our parents Chevy, watching all the cool kids drink
beer in their cut-off jorts.

(Jean-Shorts = Jorts)

And while we waited in the super long line of traffic, we saw a
silver pair of balls.

We imagine the folks driving this beast were sporting a
fresh pair of jorts.

Maybe even cargo jorts?


Here is the view from our parking lot.

Once inside, we smelled the unmistakable smell of
petting zoo.

A friend told us a terrifying story of an aggressive llama,
so we kept our distance.

We don't get political, but we took a short listen to what
Joe Sestak had to say.

It was awful, so we bailed.

We found our way near the circus tent, after a quick romp
through the flea market area.

This mohawk dude wearing hammer pants was juggling
or something.

It was awful, so we bailed.

Next stop:
Food Booths!

Now we're talking.

They had the sweet stuff...

Arnold VFD was cooking the fries, just right.

Someone was selling these items.

We love the Tasty Pie.

Did someone say sausage?

Oh, we love the sausage as well.

(Our food tastes are surely bi-curious.)

And that's what we ended up getting.

Sausages and Fries.

We like to keep it healthy.

Notice the veggies on our sausages?

We finished up our grub session, just as a few friends
and family started walking by.

We ended up hanging out for quite a bit longer.

We played a dart game, and got to pick a dusty prize
out of a dusty cardboard box.
We just avoided a large pile of Clydesdale crap in the
parking area.
We looked through table after table of $3 knockoff sunglasses,
and didn't buy a pair.

It was glorious.

If you missed it...

You suck.

You don't suck very bad though, cause you are reading this.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Random Picture Tuesday (09-07-10)

We went. We ate. More pictures on the way.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Song Stuck In Your Head Friday (Mommy & Daddy Song)

This is something new we've started doing.

We get a youtube song stuck in our head.

And we decide to stick it in yours.

(That sounded super dirty.)

Anyway, first is the original video.

Second, is the musical remix.

Enjoy, and have a great Labor Day weekend!


Thursday, September 2, 2010

Back To School, Back To School...

To prove to dad, that I'm not a fool...

Yesterday was the first day back to school for the kids
in the New Ken/Arnold School District.

As if you facebook users didn't notice the sudden influx
of "children waiting for the bus" pictures.

It got us to thinking.

We thought about the first day jitters.

That first day was the only day we did certain
things throughout the school year.


Pick out what we were wearing the night before.
Woke up on the first buzz of the alarm clock.
Had all of our homework done.
(We know, there was no homework. That's the point.)
Ate a banana, instead of a snack pack.
It's safe to say, that we weren't the biggest fans of the
educational process.

As if you couldn't tell by our awkward "writing" style.

We spent more time staring out of windows, than at
the chalk board.

But one thing we learned, was that porn and fart jokes keep
bringing people back to your website.

So we stick with what works.

But while we got you, we would like to take this chance
to wish all students a productive and successful school year.

Work hard.
And stay off the dope.

That's what we do.


Stop looking at me, swan!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Newkette Makes The Front Page

One of our good friends (Squidy) was enjoying a good
cooling off session this past Monday, when a photographer
for the paper asked if he could capture a shot of the
kids playing in the water.

Squidy, being the fine human he is, said "sure thing."

The next day, he awoke to the image of his beautiful daughter
gracing the front page of the Tribune Review.

The proud papa showed me the paper, and I knew what I
would be sharing with my loyal Newk readers, this fine Wednesday.

This may not be the hard-hitting, story breaking news we normally
bring you.

But it's what you get.

So be thankful.


Don't forget to tell us where we should eat pizza.

No idea what we are talking about?

See yesterday's post.