Monday, January 31, 2011

Random Picture Monday (01-31-11)

Peace to all in the Newk.

Friday, January 28, 2011

You Know This

We are all about the New Kensington/Arnold area
here at

We try and keep you up to date with anything local that
we think you might give a squirt about.

It's not often that a story comes along, that is so HUGE,
we drop our local love for a day.

But it's Friday, and we ain't got no job...

But this story is huge.

Really huge.

Like ridiculously huge.

How huge?

This huge...

That's right people.

Hide yo kids, and hide yo wives.

The Hedgehog himself has his own brand of rum.

Dear lord.

This is some truly classy stuff.

Run out and get your bottle today.

And invite us over for a drink.

We promise to bring protection.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

They Need To Know

Today is a good day.

We got an email from Frank the Stank.

It's more of a public service announcement.



Yo newk

Some peeople ain't right. and here are sum things they need to know. First is they need to learn to drive when its slippy out. I was at Sheetz gettin some wraps then this dude almost ran me off da road by the stadium bar so I stopped in and got a 40 of mgd. Then I saw kids doin donuts in the valley lot and that ain't cool. Cause donuts is delicious and they deserve ur respect. not to be made fun of. And another thing is when you at the bar and a guy tells tha girl that they drink is too sweet, its cause they just want a free shot in it. I know whatsup.

One love
Frank the stank


Thanks to Frank, for dropping some winter time knowledge on us.

We are more than grateful.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Oooohh Ooohhh That Smell

It seems our neighbors in West Tarentum were dealing
with a smelly situation the other day.

And we are just the team to cover such a story, as things
tend get stinky from time to time here at

(Especially after Chili-Dog Thursdays during the summer months.)

So obviously we've seen, and smelled, our share of bad odors.

Just last July, our A/C unit was broken on a Friday afternoon
that reached the mid-90's in temps.

It's safe to say, many of us weren't allowed to walk into
our homes when we arrived at them, without
down on the back porch first.

Let's get back to Tarentum...

So yeah, on Monday at around 5:30 pm, about 40 residents
were evacuated from their homes due to smelliness.

Weird thing was, the smells were in the homes.

Not outside the homes.

This had people confused.

After calling in different gas companies, to check
for gas leaks (hahaha... we know all about those), and any
other possible air quality issues.

They determined something must have been put into the sewers,
and should go away after they got flushed.

In our experience, a good flushing usually works on
stinky stuff.

The residents all returned to their homes later that night.

And all was once again well in West Tarentum.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

A Tuesday Of Thanks

We do this site for a ton of reasons that we've talked
about many times in the past.

But there is a new reason for us to like
doing theNewk.

It's because of the people we've met, and the friendships
we've made.

As I sit here, way later in the evening than I'd like to be
writing this, many names and faces come to mind.

I'm quite sure you all know who you are.

(Especially you, Angry Rich. Your fury pleases us greatly.)

Seriously though, there are people, some of which we've never
actually met, and even more that we've had the pleasure to
spend time with, do nice things for us and say even nicer
things to us.

The impact they've had on us has not gone unnoticed.

We thought random people telling us they like what we do
made us happy.

And it does.

But the friendships we've made along the way, really
make this a very fulfilling adventure.

We look forward to the friends we haven't made yet, and
even more so to the precious time we get to spend
with the ones we already have.

We may not say it enough, but thank you.

Thanks to all of you.

Even the people that just read that crap we write, and
never say a word about it.

We notice all of you, and appreciate you very much.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Random Picture Monday (01-24-11)

J-Dub was holding it down.

Friday, January 21, 2011

You Snow What I'm Sayin'

Why are we acting like it's surprising?

We live in the Northeast, and it's January.

It's supposed to snow, right?


That doesn't mean we have to be happy about it.

Although, the snow does allow for some fun activities...

Scraping windshields.
Shoveling the driveway.
Tracking slush and salt into your living room.
Knowing exactly where your neighbor's dog pees.
(God forbid they walk him, or put him on a leash.)

And our personal favorite:
Falling down.

That's a heck of a list, eh?

We take pride in our lists.

There is an art to it, and we're happy to say that we've
just about perfected it.

If List Making was an Olympic event, we would have
more gold medals than that doper Mike Phelps.

Did you know he was a Ravens fan?

He is.

So let us reflect here for a minute.

We just posted about the weather, and list making.

Why are you even reading this?

You must be super bored.


Read yesterday's post and help us out.

And oh yeah...

Go Steelers.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

To Party, Or Not To Party

Our two year anniversary of doing this site, is
coming up in a short couple of months.

And we are considering a party of sorts.

But we need help with ideas.

We are considering having a small gathering at a local
pub, where maybe some of the readers and emailers
can come meet one another.

Who wouldn't want to do a shot of PatrĂ³n with
Frank the Stank?

Or maybe get into a bar fight with Angry Rich?

We may even be able to get some of our local business
friends to DJ, or cook delicious treats for everyone
to enjoy.

This sounds like a great idea to us, but we are going to need
a hand pulling it off.

If any local bar or restaurant would like to host such
and event, please contact us at

Maybe the mayor would like to grant us access to the
Girl Scout Little House, as that's a Newkers rite
of passage to have a birthday there.

Maybe you would like to take part in the festivities?

If so, you also may contact us, as we'd love to show
off all the great things in and around this town.

Hell, even if you are from Lower Burrell, or maybe even
from across the river... we welcome you with open arms.

Unless you are from the city of brick roads (Oakmont).

If so, we're all filled up on pretentiousness.

We're kidding Oakmonters. Settle down.

You can come, but only if you bring a dozen Black and White
cookies from the Oakmont Bakery.

So what do you people think?

Is it worth our efforts?

Will anyone care?

Will anyone come?

Let your voice and opinions be heard.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Slip Sliding Away

For those of you that wake up before noon.

(Not us)

You likely did a little sliding yesterday morning.

If not on the roads, it was on your sidewalk.

We had a good bit of "the freezing rain."

(Did you know that adding the word "the" in front of stuff, makes you sound like an old person? We love that.)

So yeah, we had some of the freezy stuff (so the early birds tell us).

Luckily, we have one of the best street crews around.

And they were out throughout the night.

We know, cause we are up late.

And we saw their flashy yellow light through our window.

Which means all the slippy footage we saw on the news last night, was from another town.

A town not nearly as rockin' as the Newk.

So thanks New Ken Street Dept.

You are appreciated.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Slow And Low, That Is The Tempo

Ah, the Beastie Boys.

(Paul's Boutique may be the most underrated album of all time.)

Look at us, already off topic.

The real topic of today's post is...


There are many things we could be talking about in
this area when we talk about the word slow.

But this is more of a rant/call-out.

Here's the deal.

This past weekend, we noticed the gas gauge in the
Newk-Mobile getting close to the empty side.

We don't just toss a couple bucks in at a time.

We fill'r up.

So when we pulled in the BP (across from Taco Bell), we
pulled the trigger, and engaged the auto filler tab.

We then remembered why we don't go there often.

Cause it's like filling your tank with molasses.

Honestly, what's the deal?

It took a good 5 minutes just to put $20.01 in there.

We were so fed up, that we pulled their snail-like pump from
our whip, and hung it up the same way Bobby DeNiro hung
up the payphone in Goodfellas.

We hit NO for a receipt, as we wanted no reason to ever
remember standing in the cold, waiting for the longest
fill up ever.

So if you have ever experienced this terrible gas spot,
speak up, and let your voices be heard!

We just did.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Random Picture Monday (01-17-10)

How about that phone number, eh?


Happy MLK Day.

Did you get the day off?

We didn't.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Flamed Out

What a week, huh?

Yeah, we've been all hot and bothered around here, due
to the Pittsburgh Mills Mystery Flame.

We've been posting about it all week.

As if you didn't notice.

And to be honest, just like the flame...

We are burned out.


After the week we had, and partying it up at the Pig
last night with DJ Frankie, we don't have much
left in our collective tanks.


Go Pens.
Go Steelers.
Go Bananas.


Thursday, January 13, 2011

Flame Off

We have it on good authority that the Pittsburgh Mills
Mystery Flame has been put out.

It was just yesterday that we explained to our 13 readers
what the heck that thing was.

Now, it's gone.

All we have are the glowing memories embedded deep
inside of our imaginative brains.

So to honor this fleeting light.

We would like to recognize some of our other
favorite flames.

The flame of a Zippo lighter.

JFK's Eternal Flame

Rock Band: The Flaming Lips

Calgary Flames Great: Joe Nieuwendyk

Porn Star: Penny Flame

And of course, the Olympic Flame.

And last, but not least...

Our Old High School Flame

We still own that tux.


In closing...

We will miss you, Pittsburgh Mills Mystery Flame.

You lit up our world, if only for the briefest of moments.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Smoke On The Water, Fire In The Sky

So the last couple days, we've showed a picture
and a video about the mystery flame that is
terrorizing the imaginations of many a Newker.

We've received a few emails, photos, and have been reading
all about it on the facebook.

Here are some shots of it.

And the best of the bunch.
(Sent in from Top 10 Reader - Ed)

Here are some of the theories going around...

- The Olympics are being held in Fawn.
- It's a Jimi Hendrix tribute.
- A monument made for us, cause we beat Fire and Flames
on the hard setting playing Guitar Hero.
- A spot for shopping smokers to congregate.
- ALIENS!!!!
- World's Biggest Tiki Torch
- S'mores Station

Those are all great theories.

And we would believe any one of them, if we didn't
actually know the truth.

The fact is, it's a natural gas well flare.

It's a controlled burn used to release pressure and test the
volume of gas in the well.

And it can be seen for miles, and sounds like a freight
train when you're right up on it.

You can actually see the flame from the top of
Drey St.

And while on Drey, head on down the hill to see this
little beauty...

So anyways.

It's probably gonna be burning for a couple weeks, so you
can all just chill out.

There is one thing we'd like to ask the fine folks at the
Marcellus Shale Mine...

When the time has come to extinguish this beast of a
flame, we were hoping you'd allow us to snuff it out,
voted off the island Survivor style?

Get at us.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Take A Look At This

Are the Winter Olympics being held in Fawn Twp?

These, and many other questions answered very soon.

Right here...

at theNewk.


Today is 1/11/11

We don't have anything cool to say about it.

Just thought we'd tell you.

Carry on.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Random Picture Monday (01-10-10)

It's not a UFO.

Although, that would be awesome.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Looking Good

There was an article in the papers yesterday, where
our Mayor (Tom Guzzo) pointed out the positive
things going on in New Kensington lately.

And we're like...

"Hey, that's exactly what we try and do."

So in case you didn't read it, or read about these things
on this site, we figured we'd give you some Cliff's Notes.
Here ya go.

New streetlights.
New welcoming sign.
Demolishing 30 busted buildings.
At least 9 new businesses.
Computers in cop cars.
Cameras at major intersections.
Extensive officer training.
New grants from Weed and Seed.
3 new neighborhood watch groups.
Garbage bill collection program.
Money for Memorial Park.
Continuation of the Christmas tree recycle program.
And a kick butt holiday dinner to end the year.

The one thing he conveniently left out, was the mention
of an awesome non-profit website dedicated to the many
positive things happening in this city.

It's cool.

We've been dissed before.

As long as he keeps trying to better this city, we won't
hold a grudge for too long.

Maybe he'll read this, and send us a personal email
or something?


Here's your Newk Weekend Weather Report:
(Welcome back, Nic.)

"It's gonna be white and cold, like Vanilla Ice."

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Aw Snap!

We get a good many emails.

And like any self respecting website, we have our favorite emailers.

It's not as if we don't appreciate all of the folks that take the time to write us.

Cause we do.

And we tell them so.

But anyways, our pal Frank the Stank hasn't written us for a while, so we were happy to see his name in our inbox.


Yo Newk.

This is frank the stank and I want to tell you bout some of my restitutions for the new year. Heres what ima do.... I'm gonna lose me about 14 pounds so I can fit in my new pair of skinny south pole jeans my mama got me for xmas. Then I'm gonnna grab up my girl and take her somewhere nice to eat up at the mills. maybe like the olive gardens or somethin fancy like that. Then on our way back thru town, we gonna drive by all the buildings that be getting tore down. Which I'm happy to see cause they was makin my eyes all sore. I may even hit up the tatttoo shop down the cut from arbys for some fresh ink. I got a prime spot on my neck for a dragon or somfthing evil like that.

have a good year newk people.

Frank the stank


We couldn't have said it better ourselves.

Have a great Thursday, Friends.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Not Already

Yeah, it looks like it's happening already this year.

No, we haven't quit our diet yet.

We are talking about no news around here.

It really bums us out when we don't have a great story
to share with our tens of readers.

(And let's be honest, we only have that many because
we have rather large families.)

But back to the no news.

We wish we had a crack team of reporters out there everyday,
drumming up hot stories from the beat.

But, we don't.

We are actually quite the lazy bunch.

If a news story doesn't smack us in the head, like a
line-drive foul ball down the third base side of PNC Park,
knocking the delicious nachos from our peanut shell dusted
fingers, and nearly spilling our $8 Iron City, we likely don't
have anything to write about that day.

And another reason we suck today, is because we have
some sort of seasonal sickness hitting us rather hard.

Every time we are around children for the holidays, those
mouth-breathing little petri dishes always infect us with the
current trends in cold and flu.

So it seems we've come down with a certified case
of Bieber Fever.

There you have it.

We have nothing good to talk about today.

But we hope you enjoyed reading this, nonetheless.

And you people want a sixth day of this dross?


Tuesday, January 4, 2011

New Beginnings

We enter each new year with hope that this year,
will be better than the one before it.

Unfortunately, this isn't always the case.

One thing we know for sure, is you shouldn't begin a
year by giving up on something you truly care about.

See, a while back, we started receiving emails requesting
we not only write something 5 days a week, but that we
also write a post on Saturdays.

The gentleman's name was simply "Rich."

These emails had an underlying tone of anger.

He made no mistake about his yearning for more of us.

If you read this site often, no doubt you've seen his work.

After the first couple, we changed his moniker to
"Angry Rich."

He fought it at first, but seemed to accept this new
nickname, as it was based upon fact.

Now, we haven't heard from Angry Rich for a while.
Not even a Christmas card.

We digress.

On January 2 of 2011, we received this email titled...

Throwing In The Towel

I give up.

Angry Rich

Damnit, Rich.

We can't let you start off this new year by giving up.

Grab yourself by your likely too tight underwears (probably
the root of said anger), and get back on your angry horse,
named Rage.

Don't stop believing.

A Saturday post could one day happen.

Crazier things are going on in this world.

Like Carson Daly having a job.

Let this be a lesson to all of you.

The year 2011 will only be what you make of it.

If it sucks, it's your fault.

Seize the year, people.

Seize the year.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Random Picture Monday (01-03-10)

2011: The Year Of The Panda