Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Move Over Macy's

There are whispers about a big time retailer
taking up the vacant spot in the Heights Plaza,
that was once filled by Macy's.

Some of you old-timers, still call it Lazarus.

Either way, the people involved in the negotiations
are being all hush about who might be moving in.

They are teasing us by saying, "It's a very good tenant
and one that everyone will recognize."

We don't like being taunted in this way.

It's like saying, "I know what you
are getting for Christmas."

I could just pimp-slap someone with my mitten clad
hand, for saying something like that.

So here is what we're going to do.

We are going to breakdown the details, and make
an educated guess as to who is coming to town.
(Other than Santa.)

- The space is 73,000 square feet.
- There has always been a large department store in
that plaza since it opened in 1956.
- We once stopped there prior to a date, to spray on
some free tester cologne. (It worked like a charm.)
- Macy's moved out in mid-March of this past year.
- We were denied a store credit card, but still got 10%
off of that day's purchase. Booyah.

Stores that already have a local presence, or ones
that we are just ruling out for no reason at all:
- Sears (Mills Mall)
- JC Penney (Mills Mall)
- Walmart (Not big enough)
- Macy's (That would be hilarious)
- Linens n Things (lolz)
- Gimbles (We don't even know if they are real, or just
in the movies.)
- Target (Harmar)
- Bloomingdales (Too "hoidy-toidy")
- Bass Pro Shops (We aren't that lucky)
- Neiman Marcus (See "Bloomingdales")
- Barneys (Not a chance)

Possible stores, but ones we doubt:
- Lord and Taylor (Just not feeling it)
- The Bon-Ton (Stupid name)
- Gabriel Brothers (Almost made our probable list)

Probable, but we're never right:
- Kohl's
- TJ Maxx
- Boscov's

So out of those 4, we now have to pick a winner.

Here is your next department store...

There you have it.

Mystery solved.

You can congratulate us on our magnificence, once
the press release comes out in a few months.

Last call for entries to our $30 LolliPUPs pet
grooming giveaway contest!

If you don't know what we're talking about, we
suggest you go find the details for yourself.

We're tired of babysitting.

9 shopping days till Christmas


Lizzy_D said...

Some of us (cough!) middle-agers remember when it was Hornes. That was a nice store. My first stereo came from there.

I seem to remember something about Boscov's going into bankruptcy a couple years ago (or something) which was why they left Monroeville Mall. Don't know if they are still operating in the northeastern part of the state, though. Who knows - maybe they'l give it another shot in our little corner of the world.

The Bon Ton would be a nice store to have in that location. I've been to both of their stores in the Clearview Mall in Butler and in Westmoreland Mall in Greensburg, although there's a lot of overlap with the brands Macy's carry. If I had to pick a second choice, I'd go with Kohl's.

Oh, and Gimbels once was a real department store. The flagship store was in NYC and it officially went under in 1987. The Pittsburgh store closed in 1982, but it was famous for being the first retailer to sell Myron Cope's Terrible Towel.

Lizzy_D said...

And Gabriel's? I sure hope not. I've found better quality clothing in Goodwill!

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Thanks for the input. Keep it real.