Is Brackenridge Still With Us?

According to Lee Hendricks, a microburst hit the
quaint town of Brackenridge Wednesday night.

You are probably asking yourself, "Who the heckfire
is Lee Hendricks?"

Let it go.

He's not that interesting.


You may also be asking yourself, "What the heckfire
is a microburst?"

That's easy.

It's a collapsing thunderstorm.


"Whoa"


You may also be asking yourself, "What the heckfire
is a heckfire?"

Go watch Groundhog Day, and pay close attention
to Ned Ryerson.


Oh, so back to the storm.

It blew over some big ass trees.

Nobody was hurt.

But a Jeep something or other was crushed.

Another tree fell on a house in the Heights.
As well as another on a home in West Deer.

So, are you surprised we haven't turned the word
'microburst' into a constant flow of fart jokes?

Because that is what we intended this post to be.

Because we love farts, and fart jokes.

They are hilarious.

Unless they come out of our friend Touly.
Nothing is funny about those.


Speaking of weather...




Here is your Newk weekend weather report:

"After today, it's party weather. Enjoy."

Meh x2

The Pens lost.

We are not happy.

We don't have anything for you today.

Don't hate us.

We will make it up to you.

Don't we always?




Good season, Boys.

300 / We're Back / Wiener Clues

This is our 300th post.

Suck it, haters.


~

Obviously, we are back.

Glad we could clear that up.

~


This past Monday, we posted a picture of the "Wieners"
sign inside the Giant Eagle.

We said it was a clue for an upcoming post.

We weren't lying.

Here is said picture:

You may be asking yourself, "why did they take a
picture of the Wieners sign?"

And the answer is simple.

We are pervs.

But honestly, something about that section struck as
really strange that night.

See, it was Mother's Day, around 9pm or so.

We were doing our weekly shopping for jumbo and diet
Dr Pepper.

We came around the final corner, just past the milk, and
noticed something odd about the wieners section.

It was completely empty of wieners.

Seriously, it was like an Omega Mu mixer.
(If you got that reference, we love you.)

Here is a picture...


We asked ourselves...

"Are wieners the official food of Mother's Day?"

We then chuckled as we thought longer about that.

Whatever the case may be, it was a spooky sight.

The lack of wieners in Giant Eagle, made us uncomfortable,
yet oddly masculine.

We didn't ask any of the helpful staff about the lack of
wiener in the store.

That question would have ruined our masculinity
explosion for the night.

So this remains an unsolved mystery.

But it is an open case.

If you have any leads or theories, please email them
to us here at thenewkblog@gmail.com




Peace, Ya'll.

We Are Down

We are down.

But we are far from out.

Just a few minor difficulties here.

Not to worry.

You can't keep a good site down for long.

(This is not media hype, or some sort of ploy
to get our names in the papers. But we know they
are reading this, so they are more than welcome to
blab about us in the fish wrapper.)

Stay tuned.
Don't panic.
Keep dry.
Send money.



Go Pens.

That's What She Said

This picture isn't all that random, as you'll see tomorrow.




That's a bit of a hint at tomorrow's post.

We expect a huge number of views, as we figure all the
perverts will show up to see what all the hub-ub is about.

Let's Smooth Things Over

As we drove home to watch the Penguins game, with
our delicious clucker chicken salad from Stella's, we
noticed a difference in our ride down Constitution.

It didn't feel like the Ho Chi Minh Trail.

Did we finally have proper tire pressure?
Were we riding on a cloud?
Were our seats made out of Charmin?
Were we riding on a cloud with Charmin seats?

No.

None of those things could ever happen.
(Especially the tire pressure. Inflatables freak us out.)

Now, if you all remember a while back, we wrote a
little piece about paving half of Constitution, and how
ridiculous it sounded.

But after our smooth sailing tonight, we take it all back.

The half-pave job is working for us.

Wait.

Maybe we should wait until we cruise down the unpaved
side tomorrow morning on our way to work.

Then we will retract our previous ridicules.

Until then, here are some pictures we snapped...

Enjoy.

~
Here is your Newk Weekend Weather Report

"It's gonna be a typical Newk weekend."

Can We Borrow A Cup Of Sugar, And A Bridge?

Here is an item that you probably won't find
on craigslist too often.

A pedestrian bridge.

And lucky for Lower Burrell, New Ken didn't list
it for sale online, cause we here at the Newk
would have snapped that sucker up for sure.
Why would we need a pedestrian bridge?

Because we have a river of bills and fan mail that
we need to cross on a daily basis, to get to our
keurig coffee machine each morning.

We aren't bringing up our bills because we want you
to donate money and get a sweet I <3 Biff shirt
(as seen to the right of your screen).

We are just saying we want a friggin' bridge.
Cause some day MTV Cribs is gonna come to our office,
and how baller would that be if there
were just a bridge chilling in there?

Back to the story...

New Ken had a bridge sitting around, because some big
grant fell through and the project couldn't be completed.

Lower Burrell lost a bridge at Wolf Pack Park back in 2004,
due to the Hurricane Ivan floods.

We had a bridge, they needed one.
Seems simple enough.

That's what neighbors do for each other.

Well, we'd like to think that the LBC would do
the same for us, but we doubt a situation identical
to this one would ever arise.

Lower Burrell is thinking of putting in a dog park
at Burrell Lake Park, and also considering a dek hockey
court, or a skate park at the park by their municipal
building.

Big plans afoot, in the LBC.





~
Due to the title of this entry, we wanted to show our
two favorite sweet things...

Sugar

Suga

We Love A Shutout, and Cinco De Mayo

Last night the Penguins played the Habs in
game 3 of the conference semifinals.

We got together with friends to eat Rosa's pizza
and drink beers.

The Pens won 2-0 to go up 2-1 in the series.

We had a little too much fun.

We have not read any local news, nor do we intend
to at this point of the night.

Please understand we are not robots sent back
in time to amuse you on a daily basis.

Some days/weeks, even we need a bit of a break.

If you have an issue with that, please send us an
email to thenewkblog@gmail.com

Have a great Cinco De Mayo.

Also, do not look at the calendar on the side of
your screen.

As a friend pointed out to us last night, that we
still have April's events listed.

Damn, we suck these days.

We Love The Sweet Stuff

We got an email a few days ago that got us all
excited and stuff.

We get lots of great emails, but we get too few
with the subject matter that this one had.

And instead of teasing you, we are just going to tell
you about it.

We are calling this:
No Nonsense Tuesday

There is going to be a bake sale.

That's right, we said it...a BAKE SALE!!!

OMG, we luva bake sale.

Nom nom nom...

And what makes it even better, is all the proceeds go
toward ending childhood hunger in America.

Can you think of a better reason to break a diet?

So here are the details, and a link to even more details.

June 5th
@ the New Ken Eagles (Back Lot)
http://join.strength.org/goto/csbaking

Go there and read, cause they need volunteers and
prizes and all kinds of other stuff you people
can probably help with.


Is that not the sexiest picture you have ever seen?

Random Picture Monday (05-03-10)

Rosa's Pizza rules our world.
(You gotta try the bbq pulled pork pie.)