You Should Help Us

Another crappy news day in the Newk.

We had no idea what to write about.

Then a friend asked us a question about something
we said yesterday.

So here is Friday's post...

In yesterday's post, we told you that our

one year anniversary is quickly approaching.

It got us thinking...

What should we do to celebrate this monumental

occasion?

We were planning on giving you a big and

slightly humorous list of options.

But we don't feel like helping you.

It's your job to help us today.

So leave us a comment on here.

Say something on facebook.

Send us an email.

Blow up our pager.

Just get that idea to us.

We think you should throw us a party, and it should

feature some delicious fried chicken and cake.

But that's our idea.

We are just putting it out there.

~

Here is your Newk Weekend Weather Report:

"This weather does nothing good for my hair plugs."

It's Official: We Are Awesome

We started this little site a little less than
a year ago, back in April of 2009.

We really weren't sure if anyone would care.

We also were fairly sure nobody would read it.

But we wrote, and laughed, and made fun
of stuff.

We were having a grand old time, just entertaining
ourselves.

Then the weirdest thing happened.

People started caring.
And responding.
And emailing.
And commenting.
And suggesting.

Then websites such as the official site for the city
of New Kensington started linking to us.

It was pretty cool.

We participated in parades.
We visited and reviewed restaurants.
We interviewed interesting people.
We proved to old high school classmates that we
were more than just lazy dopers.

It's been a good ride so far.

And we will be sad to see it end.

That's right kids, we here at theNewk have decided
to end our run while on top.

We appreciate all of our readers, as you really do
have a great sense of humor, which is what we dig the
most about you.

We will miss your emails, and comments and all
the other stuff we already mentioned.

But most of all, we will miss jaggin' you around.

Wha wha what?!?


We are just playing around.

We aren't going anywhere, people.

Calm down.


This post started off as a puff piece, because we've hit
a few milestones recently.

We have gotten over 20,000 unique page views.
We have over 1,000 amazing fans on facebook.
We have at least 2 groupies, that we know of.

For us, these are pretty big deals.

As we said before, we had no idea what was going to
happen when we started this thing.

But with people like you all around, we shouldn't be
surprised.


Thanks for everything!

-The Newk Team


Don't forget to tell all your friends about us.

Yo, What Up Dog?

We here at theNewk love dogs.

Seriously.

We would be lost without our pooch.

Why are we talking about our dog?

Because we love her, and she's totally awesome.

But the real reason dogs are today's subject, is
because later this month, the state dog wardens will
be canvasing New Kensington looking for unlicensed
and non vaccinated dogs.

They will be handing out hefty fines for said
offenses.

And they should.

Because a dog license is only a few bucks, and you
deserve a fine for more than just not getting
the license.

You should also be fined for being cheap and lazy.

That's an interesting point we make.
(Oh thanks for noticing.)

How fun would it be, if it were your job to uncover and
fine people for annoying personal traits?

Here are some fines we would hand out:

Nose Picking - $200
Fingernail Biting - $150
(An additional $50 if they spit them)
Lazy Dog Owner - $250
Sweaty Palmed Hand Shakers - $175
Political Facebook Status Updater - $500
Know It All - $325
Constant Interrupter - $200
One-Upper - $375

We know a few people that would go broke if we
had this power.

So to wrap it up...

Get your dog a license, and get them vaccinated.

And stop being so annoying.


See ya tomorrow.
Toodles.

Warm Weather, Cool Treats

Yeah, that's right people...

Glen's is open.


We know, we know, Glen's doesn't reside in the Newk.
(People love pointing out our geographical errors.)

But Glen's is a part of who we are.

Also, we love it, and don't care what you think.

So when a friend of ours told us that the custard
was flowing like, well... custard.

We had to go get some.

And what was our first choice of custard season
going to be?

That's right.

We went with a basic small chocolate cone with
chocolate jimmies.

Now, some of you may be saying...
"After that long winter, all you got was a basic small chocolate
cone with chocolate jimmies? What's up with that?"

Well, we don't believe in jumping right in and having
the most exotic item on the menu.

We prefer to go slow, take our time, and make the
custard ecstasy last all season long.

Some may call it "Tantric Dessert Technique."

We just call it "Romancing the Custard."

All we know is, we missed Glen's over the winter.

And we are happy to see the scoops a scoopin'.

(Any chance they also play poker back there?)

Random Picture Monday (03-22-10)

Always a welcome sight.

No Catchy Title... Sorry

So now that you trust us with your lives.

We are once again going to prove to you that
our word is bond.

Because this final reader submission of the week
makes us feel all warm and gooey inside.

Not only is it well written, but it brings up a great
topic about this area that we sometimes forget about.

(That, and they talk nice about us.
Which earns this writer extra brownie points.)

So sit back, grab some sweet tea, and let that
southern breeze blow through your hair...

No Catchy Title... Sorry

I read theNewk on a daily basis, probably for the last 6 months or so. Being a nice person in general, as well as friends with the great people at theNewk, I decided to honor their plea for help. Oh, and then there’s that part where they said “we’d love you forever”… and I can’t pass that up!


I was born in the area, grew up here, but decided to leave after college… you know, a small town girl wanting more. So I headed where every good Yankee wants to go… the South! I quickly found other young ‘transplants’ around town, enjoyed having the beach 2-1/2 hours in one direction and the mountains 2-1/2 hours the other way, met lots of Steelers fans. Things were good, really good. While I loved the Carolina Blue skies, the flowers and the smell of freshly cut grass (10 months out of the year), something was missing. My family didn’t relocate with me, so obviously I missed them, but there was something else too. Not until I returned to my roots did I realize what it was…


… the heritage – the heritage of this area and the people. The South has heritage, but it’s different. It doesn’t feel the same. You don’t have the major ancestry groups and everything that goes along with that, the churches, the family-owned/run stores, the activities. Well, I’m sure they exist in the South, but they don’t seem to be recognized like they are here. This area has people of Greek, Irish, Polish, Italian, and Syrian decent to name a few, and all the delicious food too (I like those at theNewk love a tasty meal). So next time you’re fixin’ to go out and you see a sign for the Italian Day picnic, or drive past the Ukrainian Orthodox Church or have a hankering for homemade kibbeh and meat pies… remember to celebrate the vast ethnicity and heritage of the area and where you come from. I know I am, y’all!


Apologies for the Southern terminology – it’s only been a few months

-Anonymous

So, before we say goodbye for the weekend, we would
like to take a moment and thank those of you that
decided to take a chance, and help us out.

It's not easy putting yourself out there like that.

(Actually for us, it is that easy, because we lack any
sense of tact.)

But anyways, we thank you all.

Well done, you.

And for anyone that considered writing something, but
decided for one reason or another not to...

Please reconsider, cause we would love to hear from you.

~
Here is your Newk Weekend Weather Report

"This weekend is gonna start out good, and end rather
badly. Pretty much like Honeymoon In Vegas."

Spring Cleaning

We have a really good reader submission for
you all today.

Seriously, this is some quality stuff.

Don't believe us?

Read this...

Spring Cleaning (or, Douchebags Never Change,) (or, Don’t be an A-Hole.)

Ahhh, spring. The time when a young man’s fancy goes to one thing. (No, not that, you pervs.) I’m talking exterior home and neighborhood improvement. It’s still a bit early to be thinking about paint and landscaping (although you should be planning now,) but it’s not too early to take a walk out in the beautiful sunshine we’re going to have the next few days to scope out the damage that Old Man Winter left behind.

I remain astounded and slightly appalled by the tremendous amount of litter on my street. I shouldn’t be surprised anymore, but I always am. I know it’s been cold, but now’s the time to get out and pick it up. It’s surprising to see what the monster snow left behind as it melted away, glacier-style. McConnell’s Mill got giant boulders; I got candy wrappers.

I just came in from spending about thirty minutes picking up some random litter directly in front of my house, which then spread to the empty house next door, which eventually got me all the way up and down the street. I filled an entire garbage bag. Not a Giant Eagle bag...a garbage bag. In my travels I picked up a lot of candy and fast food wrappers, several shirts, some underwear, and one shoe. (How do you lose one shoe?) By watching a lot of CSI I can deduce that the litterbug profile is a thoughtless obese smoking douchebag who goes commando. I know this because I’ve seen evidence of your diet and I’ve picked up your underwear (with gloves.)

To the litterbugs, I say stop it. Right effing now. You know better. Don’t be an a-hole. Five-year-olds know better, you dick.

I also paid some random contractor who happened to be down the street twenty bucks to cut down a tree that was growing out of the sidewalk of the empty house next door. It started as a weed, but grew into a tree 7” in diameter. Best twenty bucks I’ll spend today. After saturating the stump with weed killer Agent Orange-style, I dragged the scraps into their backyard. Their tree is still on their property; I simply moved it from the front to the back.

Again, don’t be an a-hole. Take care of your stuff. A little effort by everyone goes a long way.

Trash day is Friday. Go pick up the crap in your street. I can’t do it alone. If there’s no crap in your street, good for you...but I’ll bet those gutters could stand a little paint...

-Anonymous

So from here on out, when we tell you something,
will you trust us?

We told you that was some good stuff right there.

Sports Cards And Collectables

Alright people, this weekend up at the mills mall,
there will be a ...

Ah wait.

Why don't we just let Dave tell you all about it.

I found your site because with me being a fellow st. joes falcon and st. joes spartan you did an interview with a fellow schoolmate of mine, anthony breznican. I found a link to your site to read the article on facebook. Not sure if you would be interested in doing anything with this, but I am promoting my 7th collectible show at the galleria at pittsburgh mills on march 19, 20 and 21. I know that there are a lot of sports cards and toy collectors in and around the new ken area and I'm just trying to get the word across that there is going to be a collectible show this weekend right in their own backyard. This is going to be the biggest show to date (over 34 tables) and am just trying to drum up some advertising for it. Any questions feel free to email me. I lived in new ken for 25 years and am currently working on my 5th year right down the street in arnold. Thank you for your time!
Dave Arvay

That's right, get off your butts and get to the mills
and buy a Honus Wagner rookie card or something.

But you better beat us there if you expect to find
any Charles Barkley memorabilia.

Because not liking Sir Charles, is turrable.

Ramblings Of A Displaced New Ken Native

Yesterday, we asked for your help this week.

Read our request
HERE

Here is one we got...

Ramblings Of A Displaced New Ken Native

Let's see... If I take the Orange Belt to the Yellow Belt then pick up the Green Belt. That'll take me to the Blue Belt and then... I'll be hopelessly lost.

I remember growing up in New Ken back in the '70s and driving a truck for Monarch's Furniture. Following those belts drove me crazy. Narrow, winding roads winding their way along through the middle of nowhere down roads that always seemed narrower than my truck.

Fast forward to the summer of '09. I'm back home visiting my folks who still live in the area. Late afternoon and it's time to unwind so I kick the side stand up on my motorcycle and try to remember where to find some quiet back-roads. Up ahead I see a familiar sign, "Orange Belt" next left. With a smile on my face, I flick the turn signal on and lean the bike into the turn. I headed out through Plumb and leaned the bike into the twisties, enjoying every mile as the bike climbed through the hills. Somewhere along the way I zigged as the Orange Belt zagged but by the time I noticed it I was already on the Yellow Belt. I chased those yellow signs through countless little towns until I came across a Classic Car show in a small shopping center parking lot. What a treasure. I'm not so sure I liked seeing cars I grew up with being called "Classic" but I certainly enjoyed the trip down memory lane. I couldn't help but smile as I watched people pointing at the Minnesota plates on my bike. Back on the road, I decided it was time to get a bite to eat and headed into the 'Burgh. It took a few wrong turns "dahn-tahn" before I found Primanti Brothers in the Strip District, but it was worth the search. I took my sandwich to go and headed across the River and sat in front of Heinz Field watching the boats going by as the sun set on another beautiful day back home. Gotta love those crazy belt highways.

Mike Maloney
VHS '74
Shakopee, MN

Thanks Mike!

We really enjoyed that a lot.

Please people, keep them coming.

Random Picture Monday (03-15-10)

You know you just got hungry.





~

Sometimes life throws you a curveball.

Sometimes that curveball hits you right in the face.

That pretty much just happened to us.

Here's why we're telling you this...

We need your help.

Our time this week will be rather sparse, so we would
like you all to do our work for us.

Write something.
Anything.

As long it's about this area, and doesn't talk too
much about boobies...we are cool with it.

Seriously.

This is your chance to see your name in the
bright lights of theNewk.

C'mon people, we don't ask for much.

Write it and email it to us.
Let us know if you want credited, or to
be anonymous.

Send your submissions to:
thenewkblog@gmail.com

We really hope you do this.

We'd love you forever.